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o/t.... just worn out..

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 6:18 PM
  • 16 Replies
So sick and tired of my girls having prolonged potty problems.

One peed and pooped her pants til 10. The other is doing it just like her sister did. She is six.

How can I control my frustration over this type of situation?

There isn't an actual health issue, but we have discussed the possibility of very borderline autism or some other developmental issue.

That only explains it... but doesn't give me hope for an end point.

There are other issues they deal with, but most people that know my older girl now, see a regular kid (albeit with a quirk or two)...

People are telling me the opposite about abby. Teachers and other leaders ask me privately about her age and if there are concerns all the time.

I just don't want to mess her up by handling these issues with a lack of grace. I'm tired.

And the really sad part is... I want more kids. I just don't want them to poop their pants until they are preteens. I feel like a really crappy mother.

:(



by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 6:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:08 PM

 My kids are younger.  My son is 5 and he is still pooping his pants and refuses to use the toilet.  At this point I do not know if he does it on purpose or not and it drives me crazy.  My 7 year old still pee's the bed.  So I feel for you. Wish I could help.  But it is sometimes just a vent or a hug that is needed.  I am sending hugs your way.

hwblyf
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:14 PM

Hugs to you.  My 5 still poops his pants sometimes.  Ugh.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:36 PM
I'm sorry. My 3, almost 4, year old is a reluctant Pottier. His speech therapist suggested two things-making him handle cleanup as much as he can and making a big production of stopping whatever fun activity he was doing and not resuming it.
bcogoli
by Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:40 PM

You are not a crappy mother!!!!

We all get worn out and frustrated. My 5 yo has autism and tonight I lost my temper and yelled over something so silly and he cried so much that I cried. Sometimes moms just need to vent and scream and let it out. I will sometimes take a shower and cry, my husband calls it the 5 minute fix. lol.

As for the potty problems maybe they are feeding off eachother. Have you considered a counceler or behavioral therapist to help you deal with this?

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:48 PM

This is great advice. 

My DD is borderline Autistic and I work with kids with Autism (all different parts of the spectrum!)  Definitely have her handle clean ups on her own, at 6 she is plenty old enough to do it herself.  Also stopping anything fun that was interrupted is a good idea...just make sure you are only stopping for her, the other kids shouldn't have to stop something fun when they didn't do it.  They will grow to resent her if that happens.  I would also consider a reward for a whole day of NO accidents...if not a reward then at least a lot of praise, maybe something as simple as an extra bedtime story with just you and her if she went all day with no accidents.


I know how you're feeling, I would have a hard time handling it with grace as well.  Just remember this too shall pass.  And you are by no means a bad mother.  The fact that you care and don't want to mess things up proves you are a good mom.  Just repeat the Serenity Prayer and remind yourself this too shall pass...and it will.

Quoting Bluecalm: I'm sorry. My 3, almost 4, year old is a reluctant Pottier. His speech therapist suggested two things-making him handle cleanup as much as he can and making a big production of stopping whatever fun activity he was doing and not resuming it.


Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:50 PM
I forgot to add the reward part. Thanks for mentioning it.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

This is great advice. 

My DD is borderline Autistic and I work with kids with Autism (all different parts of the spectrum!)  Definitely have her handle clean ups on her own, at 6 she is plenty old enough to do it herself.  Also stopping anything fun that was interrupted is a good idea...just make sure you are only stopping for her, the other kids shouldn't have to stop something fun when they didn't do it.  They will grow to resent her if that happens.  I would also consider a reward for a whole day of NO accidents...if not a reward then at least a lot of praise, maybe something as simple as an extra bedtime story with just you and her if she went all day with no accidents.

I know how you're feeling, I would have a hard time handling it with grace as well.  Just remember this too shall pass.  And you are by no means a bad mother.  The fact that you care and don't want to mess things up proves you are a good mom.  Just repeat the Serenity Prayer and remind yourself this too shall pass...and it will.

Quoting Bluecalm: I'm sorry. My 3, almost 4, year old is a reluctant Pottier. His speech therapist suggested two things-making him handle cleanup as much as he can and making a big production of stopping whatever fun activity he was doing and not resuming it.

TidewaterClan
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 8:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Have you talked to a therapist or psychiatrist about your children yet?
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Hi ladies, I actually thought I deleted this after typing it instead of posting it. I think I was blowing off steam so I wouldn't say it to her.

Thanks for all of your responses! Commiseratons, advice, etc.

I've only discussed it with their pediatrician, with a child psychiatrist I know from church, and our para professional at our church that runs our special needs programs.

I didn't officially "see" the two professionals from chuch, but they have been interacting with our family for some time.

Deciding to put your kids in psychiatric therapy is daunting, and I don't want to "make" them have issues. It is not like strep throat where you can swab them and run a culture and say, ahah, they have such and such.

I just wish it were easier to say, this step is the right direction so take it.



TidewaterClan
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 11:43 PM
Taking my older daughter to the pediatric psychiatrist was the best thing I ever did, no kidding Krissy. I was so scared that he would say "it's all because you . . . " I kept picturing Freud and how he always blamed the mother aka me. Plus I was worried he might automatically give her a diagnosis that included some form of psychosis.

Instead he listened patiently to her talk, listened to me after she was done and worked WITH us. He helped explain why she feels depressed, obsessed, etc., and how that is affecting her overall behavior. He also gives me wonderful input on how to discipline, help, and encourage her. He also helped me figure out what is OCD and what is preteen actions. Argh!

I didn't go at first because I was afraid if the unknown, but all of our lives are so much better because we started going. Now she only sees him once every three months.

I hope that helps. He and the therapist have so much insight I could never gain from all the books or web searches I've done.


Quoting KrissyKC: Hi ladies, I actually thought I deleted this after typing it instead of posting it. I think I was blowing off steam so I wouldn't say it to her.

Thanks for all of your responses! Commiseratons, advice, etc.

I've only discussed it with their pediatrician, with a child psychiatrist I know from church, and our para professional at our church that runs our special needs programs.

I didn't officially "see" the two professionals from chuch, but they have been interacting with our family for some time.

Deciding to put your kids in psychiatric therapy is daunting, and I don't want to "make" them have issues. It is not like strep throat where you can swab them and run a culture and say, ahah, they have such and such.

I just wish it were easier to say, this step is the right direction so take it.



Molimomma
by Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 9:01 AM

My son has sensory issues(probably mild SPD) and we struggled with potty training. I seriously thought I was going to end up in counseling and I couldn't believe it. Potty training seems like it should be easy. You sit. You flush. You move on with your day. Not so much. There were months and months of failure and hopelessness. We finally overcame #1 a few months ago and I was so thrilled. But now here we are 4 months later with zero progress on BMs in the potty. He is adamant he's not doing it. I keep telling myself that at least it's only once or twice a day it's not that big a deal but some days it's all I can do to take a deep breath and not lose my mind. Especially when I'm in the middle of trying to cook dinner or a JUST got out of the shower and it's a big messy disaster to clean up. It can be exhausting and frustrating because it seems like it shouldn't be a big deal. Those "how to potty train you child in a week" blogs used to bring me to tears. Or the Facebook posts about 1friend with a son a full year younger who went from diapers to potty without a single accident. It's tough. All of this is to say you are NOT the only one and I understand. I wish I had advice but as a mom who tried every thing I could think of and then some we both know if they don't want to do it there really is no way to make them. Just try and take a deep breath and find a calming mantra so that you don't let the screams burst out. I've taken to just trying to remind my son that everyone uses the potty and we talk about how big boys use the potty not there pants etc. I feel like I've said it all a million times but I have hope that each new day will be the day he changes his mind. He recently started telling me he feels like he needs to go and he sits without success so I know we are 1 step closer(even if it's a tiny baby step) at least he's not hiding or running away anymore! 

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