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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Maybe I'm just not with it?

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I am still getting over my shock at some discussion that went down during lunch break at out local co-op last week. A few of the moms used to be public school teachers. Well one said there is nothing like 'peer punnishment' to get a point across to a child. That the adults can try to intervene and meet out punishments but they will never be as effective as if the peer group does it. She was saying that if they didn't like the behavior of a child they would walk away and let that child receive "peer punishment" - if that involved a hit, then so be it. She claimed that a large problem with the youth of today was that parents/teachers intervene and mediate.....am I just out of touch, or does that seem strange? I think it's important for adults to mediate some of the time - to show kids alternatives of violence. If kids seem to be able to work out problems without violence then let them, but if a punch or kick is to be thrown then I think that's bad. Am I wrong? What do you think?

by on Apr. 15, 2014 at 11:53 AM
Replies (11-20):
kirbymom
by Sonja on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:18 PM
After my 2 boys got the crap beat out of them after making sure that my boys learned how to walk away from violence, whuch is the reason they got the crap beat out of them, I told them that as long as you Can walk away with nothing happening, for them to do so, BUT, if some one attempts to beat them again, all bets are off. I will not have my children lay down just to prevent some ideal to not perpetuate more violence and get hurt or hospitalized or worse..die. I hate that it has to be this way. But be this way it is.
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:32 PM

No, I agree. Self-defense is a whole ' other bag of chips. But I would hope my boys are not the ones throwing the first punch.

Quoting kirbymom: After my 2 boys got the crap beat out of them after making sure that my boys learned how to walk away from violence, whuch is the reason they got the crap beat out of them, I told them that as long as you Can walk away with nothing happening, for them to do so, BUT, if some one attempts to beat them again, all bets are off. I will not have my children lay down just to prevent some ideal to not perpetuate more violence and get hurt or hospitalized or worse..die. I hate that it has to be this way. But be this way it is.


KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:35 PM

OMG YES, I guess I was happy she just reinforces my confidence in home schooling? Lol

Quoting ablackdolphin:

She would be better off as a person working at the local jail.  I mean gangs work on this type of system, she's love it there.


KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:37 PM

That's more along the lines of what I thought PS would be like. She made it out like if she thought the kid was a jerk she'd just throw him to the wolves....what happened to finding the root cause? 

Quoting collinsmommy0: I was a public school teacher for 6 years, private for 3, total of 4 schools (special Ed - they move you around a lot). I have never, ever seen or been involved in something like that. I have used, in my classroom, positive peer pressure - earning 'letters' that spell out a name of a movie then getting to watch that movie - so kids would say to other kids, 'hey, we are doing math, get your math book out so we all earn a letter!' Etc. That worked really well in my classrooms


KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 15, 2014 at 8:41 PM

Exactly, one should try to walk away, but (sadly) there might come a time when you can't walk away, I've taught this to my kids since birth, it was one of my favorite things from martial arts. 

I also agree that adults shouldn't jump into the middle for every little disagreement. But in the way we teach toddlers to not put everything in their mouth, we should be teaching alternatives to violence. AND I fully believe the vast majority of bullies are acting out for a Reason. They aren't just born little twerps. Some get no structure/discipline at home, others come from horrendous abusive situations. This doesn't excuse their behavior, IMO, but maybe if we offered them help in some way it would have a ripple effect?

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: I totally get you. I was.also the quiet good kid that took the crap.so as not to get myself in trouble. Now I look back and think, "what if I had stood up for myself just once?" That is another reason all my kids and I did/do martial arts now. They teach the kids to walk away when you can, but also be prepared for when you can't. I also think, if kids are allowed to work out small skirmishes without adults intervention, it would stop some of the bigger ones form building up to explode.


Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Apr. 15, 2014 at 10:41 PM

This is why our one bully scout has not been kicked out and sent home.

Where else would he learn to correct his behavior is someone doesn't take an interest in him and correct him now? He is 16 so already, very late in the game for a total attitude change but we can try. Strange part in this case is his parents are very active in his life and try to keep him on a tight leash. I do believe that he is prety spoiled at home though and allowed to get away with being more of an adult than a child which leads to some of his respect issues toward leaders.

We have several boys in the troop with issues and I have seen the Scouting program,ans leaders who care and whose hearts are in the right places work miracles.

Quoting KickButtMama:

AND I fully believe the vast majority of bullies are acting out for a Reason. They aren't just born little twerps. Some get no structure/discipline at home, others come from horrendous abusive situations. This doesn't excuse their behavior, IMO, but maybe if we offered them help in some way it would have a ripple effect?

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/982nd Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

jen2150
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 7:52 AM
I disagree. I think kids need to learn from adults how to handle confrontation. Socialization is learned from adults and not other children. When there is a breakdown of something with my kids I step in and talk to them how they should have handled things. As they have grown older I had to step in less and less. Most of my friends are the opposite. I have never heard a homeschooler say anything like that.
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 16, 2014 at 11:11 AM

I completely agree. I thought the 'learn correct socialization from adults rathr than the loudest kid in class' was a common belief among homeschoolers. I was so taken aback I questioned myself, that maybe I was in the minority by believing as you do. Smh 

Quoting jen2150: I disagree. I think kids need to learn from adults how to handle confrontation. Socialization is learned from adults and not other children. When there is a breakdown of something with my kids I step in and talk to them how they should have handled things. As they have grown older I had to step in less and less. Most of my friends are the opposite. I have never heard a homeschooler say anything like that.


jen2150
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Have the mothers been homeschooling very long? It is an attitude I have heard from other moms that don't homeschool. Then they complain there kids are always fighting. I try really hard not to say something unless they are asking for advice. It just always sounded crazy to me. I look at arguing as a great opportunity to teach them something about how to better handle problems. I try and remind them how I handle differences of opinion I do not yell,push or hit someone that I don't agree with. Sometimes I have to admit I secretly wanted to.

Quoting KickButtMama:

I completely agree. I thought the 'learn correct socialization from adults rathr than the loudest kid in class' was a common belief among homeschoolers. I was so taken aback I questioned myself, that maybe I was in the minority by believing as you do. Smh 

Quoting jen2150: I disagree. I think kids need to learn from adults how to handle confrontation. Socialization is learned from adults and not other children. When there is a breakdown of something with my kids I step in and talk to them how they should have handled things. As they have grown older I had to step in less and less. Most of my friends are the opposite. I have never heard a homeschooler say anything like that.

JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2014 at 8:46 PM

Well....I think it depends.  Generally, I'm not one to say that violence and "peer punishment" is a good thing, but I recall one specific incident in high school where a bunch of freshman  boys decided to torment (tripping, pushing, etc.) a boy who had cerebral palsy.  Some seniors saw what was happening, went over and basically beat the @#$@# out of the tormentors. One of the teachers saw what happened and allowed the seniors to continue (it was all over the school after it happened). I have a feeling that having other students defend the boy was probably more effective in stopping further tormenting than having the perpetrators be sent to the principal's office, and I can't really find it in me to say that the teacher in that case did the wrong thing.

However, the notion of having teachers prod children into "peer punishment" is horrifying.   

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