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Girl Kicked Out of Prom Because Male Chaperones Think She's Too Hot

Posted by on May. 14, 2014 at 2:42 PM
  • 16 Replies

Girl Kicked Out of Prom Because Male Chaperones Think She's Too Hot

by Maressa Brown

clare ettinger dress A 17-year-old senior from Chesterville, Virginia named Clare Ettinger is fighting back after being asked to leave a prom organized for homeschooled students. The offense: Male adult chaperones were afraid her "dancing was too provocative" and she was "going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts." Even though the young woman protested that she was wearing a dress that adhered to the "fingertip length" dress code, she and five friends she'd carpooled with were forced to leave the dance.

In the wake of the incident, Clare blogged about her experience, writing, "The whole situation made me feel violated, walked over and ostracized." So wrong -- and such a heinous example of how parents are often reinforcing twisted values and standards that put the onus of preventing harassment and rape on young women instead of where it truly belongs.

This sort of behavior on the part of adults is horrifyingly cowardly. And it's sad proof that there are still too many parents having the wrong conversations -- with one another and their children. We need to be telling our daughters that it's not at all THEIR fault if someone else has no self-control or is objectifying them. Our sons need to hear that it's their responsibility to control themselves and a young woman's dress is NEVER an invitation for negativity, harassment, or abuse.

It's not a long-shot to think that this sort of treatment of a young woman for Clare sets a dangerous, severely antiquated precedent that says it's a woman's responsibility to "cover up" and prevent men from acting on their desires. A precedent for saying it's a woman's fault if she gets raped. As disturbing as it is, that's what Clare's appalling experience boils down to. At least we can take heart that she's speaking out -- and hopefully, it will inspire others to, as well.

How have you discussed harassment with your children?

by on May. 14, 2014 at 2:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Leissaintexas
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2014 at 4:15 PM
2 moms liked this
Wow, over dramatic title,perhaps? I wasn't there obviously, so I don't know anything about her behavior or dress, but if my daughter was being too provocative in her manner or dress, I would hope that someone would be kind enough to steer her toward more modest behavior. To me,this isn't about boys,rape,or blame,but about a young lady not behaving modestly. She has a responsibility to HERSELF to act like a lady.
ablackdolphin
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2014 at 5:28 PM
4 moms liked this
Sounds like dirty old men chaperones to me
rockinmomto2
by on May. 14, 2014 at 5:31 PM
5 moms liked this

A girls only responsibility to herself is to be content and secure in who she is and what she wears. It is no ones business but hers what she wears, and if there is a dress code and she's abiding by the dress code, that's all there is to it. Obviously there is something wrong when a girl is asked to leave her prom for literally no legitimate reason.

Quoting Leissaintexas: Wow, over dramatic title,perhaps? I wasn't there obviously, so I don't know anything about her behavior or dress, but if my daughter was being too provocative in her manner or dress, I would hope that someone would be kind enough to steer her toward more modest behavior. To me,this isn't about boys,rape,or blame,but about a young lady not behaving modestly. She has a responsibility to HERSELF to act like a lady.


MaryJarrett
by Member on May. 14, 2014 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I read a few different news accounts of this story and came to the same conclusion. She followed the rules.

Quoting ablackdolphin: Sounds like dirty old men chaperones to me
Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2014 at 10:28 PM
3 moms liked this

I get really mad when women are blamed for men's thoughts or actions due to what they wear or whatever. What utter B.S.

tuffymama
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2014 at 8:42 AM
My first thought when I read this story the third time (because I found it hard to believe so I googled for more accounts), concerned the filthy minds of the men who were ogling a CHILD the same age as their own children. Next, I wondered if these were "men" from some backwards religion that objectifies and subjugates women by rote. I'm confused because this girl is caucasian and the incident occurred at a dance. Either there are a whole lot of missing details (and I am NOT saying the girl is being deceitful at all, because BTDT myself), or those men are absolute pigs, and just too dangerous to have around children, even their own. Disgusting.
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I've read a number of accounts on this story.  I'm not too certain that the men actually accused the girl of anything.  During the 15 minutes she was inside the prom, it didn't sound as if the men came down from the balcony to address the woman in charge of the prom.  It sounds as though the woman in charge of the prom saw the men looking down at the prom goers, talking and laughing.  While the men may have been discussing the girl's dress, they may have been talking about something entirely different.  I think the woman was irritated by the girl's dress from the beginning and noticed the girl looking up at the Dads and making comments.  I think she took it upon herself to throw the girl out of the prom and blame it on the Dads.  I came to this conclusion because 1) there wasn't time for the lady and men to be running up and down the stairs conferring, 2) no men were involved in the actual confrontation that led to the expulsion, and 3) the woman called security instead of calling the Dads down to escort her out.  The woman started right out complaining about the girl's dress.  It just sounds fishy from the woman's perspective, but the girl can only make the accounts of what the woman said.

mem82
by Platinum Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:45 AM
I am interested in reading more about it. I don't believe that anyone, the girl included, is telling the whole truth.

jjchick75
by Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:55 AM
I think these kind of news stories give homeschooling such a bad name. Her dress was fine and I just find the story disgusting.
sha_lyn68
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2014 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Here's the girl's account of what happened:

 http://www.hannahettinger.com/fuck-the-patriarchy-guest-post-by-clare/


I have to say I agree 100% with bluerooffarm's take on what happened.

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