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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Family influence & my daughter

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:36 PM
  • 5 Replies

I'm not sure what I want to get out of this post, maybe advice.I just need someone to talk to about this, no judgment. Warning: I'm going to be rambling...


I've been hsing my 8 year old daughter and my mom is hsing my 14 year old brother. We live next door to one another. They are like siblings. At first I was glad they had each other to interact with, but the problem is he's not the greatest influence. My parents don't live by the same "standards" we do. I'm not trying to sound all goodie goodie or anything by that. We are not perfect.


My daughter has always been home with me. My brother started out hsing, then went to PS for a few years. He was already an aggressive boy. My parents didn't make rules and were not consistent in their parenting. He learned things in PS that he shouldn't have at his age. My parents still do not have rules. It's pretty much anything goes at their house; although he does get his shool work done.


We plan to move sometime in the future, hopefully near. They always end up outside, playing games like Lego Marvel or something like that. It's not the games they play that bothers me necessarily; although I tell them not to play violent (ha). I don't like my daughter to see how he disrespects my parents and for him to possibly tell her something she doesn't need to know. Like I said, he hasn't been the best influence in her life.


I try to get them to play in my backyard so I can constantly check on them. I have a 1 year old also so I can't be right there with them at all times, but I do keep a constant check on them. She is not allowed to go into their house because of how they live with no rules. That's a whole other story. 


It's a differnt dynamic having a 14 year old brother that is hs'd as well as my 8 year old daughter. It almost feels like they are just neighbors and not family.My daughter seems really obsessed with spending time with my brother, her uncle. We don't have any other kids around for her to play with so they play together.


I have seen my brother "playfully" hit my mom, choke her, call her names and intimidate my dad. You know how they say homeschooling is not for every family? Well, I would have to say it's not for them. My mom will laugh it off when he does those things. I guess I should save this for a whole different post. My husband and I have noticed our daughter having more of an attitude after they play together.


I have tried to break away from my family and how I was raised and raise my children a differnt way. I'm not saying it's the right way for everyone (to homeschool), but it's the way I felt led to raise my children.I also chose to raise them with more structure and less turmoil than I grew up with. My family home was full of turmoil and continues to be to this day as my little brother grows up in it. The only thing I know to do is move away. I think I could write a pretty interesting book about my life. Hopefully it would sell and help someone.


 




by on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:36 PM
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Replies (1-5):
LostTheSlipper
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 9:55 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to get out somehow and get her involved in HSing groups (or even non-HSing groups) with kids (parents) that have your values and are more her age. If she's out with kids whose behavior you better approve of, and busy with other activities, and then school, she won't be able to spend as much time with him anyway.

It  might be hard, but sometimes as a parent you just have to suck it up and do things that are hard or that you don't want to do. I'm not sure if you say why you don't have her with kids other than your brother, but it's probably best if you find someone for her to play with.

Check out meetup.com, yahoo groups, maybe ask at churches etc to see what is around.

myfirstloves
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:31 PM

Thank your for your reply. We live in a small town and only have one vehicle. The closest hs group is about 30 mins away in another town. We went to one meeting when we were starting our hs journey. My grandmother went with us so we rode in her vehicle. She has soccer in Spring and Fall and we do some activities so she does play with other kids, but it's not a lot. I will look into that hs group again and see if they are still active. I don't thik they are, but I will look. thank you.

Quoting LostTheSlipper:

You need to get out somehow and get her involved in HSing groups (or even non-HSing groups) with kids (parents) that have your values and are more her age. If she's out with kids whose behavior you better approve of, and busy with other activities, and then school, she won't be able to spend as much time with him anyway.

It  might be hard, but sometimes as a parent you just have to suck it up and do things that are hard or that you don't want to do. I'm not sure if you say why you don't have her with kids other than your brother, but it's probably best if you find someone for her to play with.

Check out meetup.com, yahoo groups, maybe ask at churches etc to see what is around.


LostTheSlipper
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:50 PM


Quoting myfirstloves:

Thank your for your reply. We live in a small town and only have one vehicle. The closest hs group is about 30 mins away in another town. We went to one meeting when we were starting our hs journey. My grandmother went with us so we rode in her vehicle. She has soccer in Spring and Fall and we do some activities so she does play with other kids, but it's not a lot. I will look into that hs group again and see if they are still active. I don't thik they are, but I will look. thank you.

Quoting LostTheSlipper:

You need to get out somehow and get her involved in HSing groups (or even non-HSing groups) with kids (parents) that have your values and are more her age. If she's out with kids whose behavior you better approve of, and busy with other activities, and then school, she won't be able to spend as much time with him anyway.

It  might be hard, but sometimes as a parent you just have to suck it up and do things that are hard or that you don't want to do. I'm not sure if you say why you don't have her with kids other than your brother, but it's probably best if you find someone for her to play with.

Check out meetup.com, yahoo groups, maybe ask at churches etc to see what is around.

You can always start your own. There could be people around who wish there was one but don't quite know what to do about it.

TidewaterClan
by on Jun. 13, 2014 at 11:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Yahoo groups is where I've found two good sets of people, and facebook (though I'm not a facebook fan).  

Good luck getting her away and moving too.  

sweetr0se
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like he might have a mental disorder that your parents aren't wanting to deal with and I empathize with you and your situation. If it were me, I would confront the uncle and set rules in your house and tell him that if he behaves for a day he can visit once a week for a couple of hours and if not then he can't come over that week. Maybe set a time that is good for you so you can fully pay attention. Good luck!

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