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what is normal for these ages?

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My 7-8 yr old is super emotional, has meltdowns consistantly. He use to be very obedient, and now argues amd questions everything. He thinks he friends dont 'think he is special' (another words they dont get excited jumping up and down when they see him all the time). He doesnt want to sleep.n
by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:15 AM
Replies (11-20):
Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:25 AM
Thanks! He does like legos like his brothers :)

Quoting Leissaintexas: For the 3 year old, I wouldn't worry about the writing just yet. Cutting with scissors, playing with Lego's, things like that are good muscle and skill builders for pre writers.
I can't help you with the emotional 7 year old. All mine have personalities just like their dad. Negative emotions get expressed as anger. They don't explode, they simmer. I'd love a good outburst occasionally.
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:31 AM
You know him better than doc does, but I also know as moms we sometimes are too close and they are just our kids and are very normal to us.

On one hand, they progress at their own paces and timeframe. On the other, I can see areas my six yr old is "different" than the kids around her.

I've not had her evaluated because we are trying diet change and other such stuff.

She also had a bigger temper/reaction to stress than the others did.

She is more active, but much clums ier.

Her fine motor skills are behind. She still scribbles more than colors or draws. Her writing is developing slower.

She gets in kids faces, plays more harmoniously with younger kids, must be busy to learn, etc...

Sometimes talking to her is like....hello? Anyone in there??? I can tell her, here is your drink and she will look spacey and tell me she is thirsty and I'm standing there waiting for her to realize I am handing her a drink.... she takes a few moments to adjust sometimes.


Quoting Precious333: She said because it seemed he was tuning the.world out when she was talking with him. Then she made all these assumptions based on that. She played patty cake.type of game to see if he could hit her hand with the hand across and he was struggling with that. She also had him draw a pictures. Most of her reasons were assumptions and out conversations kept getting interrupted.

Quoting KrissyKC: Did you ask the doc why he was suggesting such an evaluation?

If he cannot give you strong reasons, he could be the kind of doc that leans toward recommending such stuff because its the thing these days. If so, I'd be looking for another doc or just take his opinion with a grain of salt.
hwblyf
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:35 AM

It is nice to hear you're not the only one going through something.  Our oldest  never really drew as a young guy.  His first picture of a person was in kindergarten, and I think that was something he had no choice about.  He also never "read" a book from memory.  At least not where I could hear it.  And these are things "every" normal child does.  I do have kids that have done these things, but certainly not all 5 of my kids have done everything that every normal kid does.  So in all, combining all kids, I have one normal one.  And a lot of extra parts.

Oh, and I wonder about Legos.  I know building is a gross motor skill, but Legos can be so gosh darn small, you really have to use some fine motor skills to put together and take apart.  Also, using a stylus or something to "carve" clay might be way more fun than lacing or cutting.  I still struggle with letting my youngest cut, and he's 5.  I know he needs practice.....I need order....  :)

Quoting Precious333: That makes me feel better! My 3 yr old still scribbles and then.gives up. T seems he doesnt hold the pencil.correctly either. I think I will try gettinf the lace up boards and also have him practice cutting.
Quoting hwblyf:

I think that the books that tell you what a child "should" be doing at a certain age should be burned.  They used to make me so darn nutty cuz my oldest doesn't fit the mold at all.  I don't know how concerned I would be that he shows no interest in writing, but boys do typically need more fine motor skill practice.  I used to have those lace up cardboard shapes, but my guys always tied them all together and tied knots in them.  Still good practice, but I would be frustrated because that was NOT how they were supposed to be used.  Does he like drawing at all, or is that the same category as writing?  If you've always felt he was on track, I would say you're probably right.  We spend the most time with our kids, doctor's see them for 15 minutes a year.  And my sensory guy shows off all his worst behaviors when he's been left waiting in a room for an appointment he doesn't want (that may include shots), so by the time the doc comes in, he's full on meltdown.  Which is far from his all the time behavior.

As for the 7-8 yo, he sounds like my daughter, except the obedient part.  She has her good days, and she has her bad days, and then she has those days where you have no frickin' clue how to even deal with the level she brings.  I was online looking at an article about these 9 houses around the world with indoor slides.  Pretty cool.  Oh my goodness, you would think I tried to kill her the drama she brought about not having an indoor slide in our house.  That tantrum still has me shaking my head.  Oh, and she's 8.5, but this has been her FOREVER.  I'm not sure what I need to do to reassure her, but she's tiring me out.

In short, your kids sound like mine.  Sorry.  :)

Quoting Precious333: Oops, sent too early..... He doesnt want to sleep in his bed at night. He has trouble with self control at times. My 3-4 yr old I always thought as right on track, a very smart kid. My doctor recently suggested to check into sensory processing disorder. I dont see him as having characteristics besides still having temper tantrums and his fine motor skills need a bit fine tuning, but he really has no interest in writing. Should I expect him to be writing?



Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:38 AM
See, I always felt something was off with my oldest. Maybe because hes my oldest. I have tried.diet changes, i.recently had him.evaluated at regional center and never thought to have that for my 3 yr old. My 7 yr old never seemed behind developmentally, but I never thought that of my 3 yr old.either. i wish i had my 7 yr old evaluated a long time ago honestly, whether or not he has something. I dont know.....maybe it doesnt hurt, but I kind of feel it will be a waste of time,.especially the more i am looking to see if what the doctor says is true, i think she was totally off. My dh, sister and mom.agree.

Quoting KrissyKC: You know him better than doc does, but I also know as moms we sometimes are too close and they are just our kids and are very normal to us.

On one hand, they progress at their own paces and timeframe. On the other, I can see areas my six yr old is "different" than the kids around her.

I've not had her evaluated because we are trying diet change and other such stuff.

She also had a bigger temper/reaction to stress than the others did.

She is more active, but much clums ier.

Her fine motor skills are behind. She still scribbles more than colors or draws. Her writing is developing slower.

She gets in kids faces, plays more harmoniously with younger kids, must be busy to learn, etc...

Sometimes talking to her is like....hello? Anyone in there??? I can tell her, here is your drink and she will look spacey and tell me she is thirsty and I'm standing there waiting for her to realize I am handing her a drink.... she takes a few moments to adjust sometimes.


Quoting Precious333: She said because it seemed he was tuning the.world out when she was talking with him. Then she made all these assumptions based on that. She played patty cake.type of game to see if he could hit her hand with the hand across and he was struggling with that. She also had him draw a pictures. Most of her reasons were assumptions and out conversations kept getting interrupted.

Quoting KrissyKC: Did you ask the doc why he was suggesting such an evaluation?

If he cannot give you strong reasons, he could be the kind of doc that leans toward recommending such stuff because its the thing these days. If so, I'd be looking for another doc or just take his opinion with a grain of salt.
Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Hahaha! So true! And thanks for the ideas :)

Quoting hwblyf:

It is nice to hear you're not the only one going through something.  Our oldest  never really drew as a young guy.  His first picture of a person was in kindergarten, and I think that was something he had no choice about.  He also never "read" a book from memory.  At least not where I could hear it.  And these are things "every" normal child does.  I do have kids that have done these things, but certainly not all 5 of my kids have done everything that every normal kid does.  So in all, combining all kids, I have one normal one.  And a lot of extra parts.

Oh, and I wonder about Legos.  I know building is a gross motor skill, but Legos can be so gosh darn small, you really have to use some fine motor skills to put together and take apart.  Also, using a stylus or something to "carve" clay might be way more fun than lacing or cutting.  I still struggle with letting my youngest cut, and he's 5.  I know he needs practice.....I need order....  :)

Quoting Precious333: That makes me feel better!

My 3 yr old still scribbles and then.gives up. T seems he doesnt hold the pencil.correctly either. I think I will try gettinf the lace up boards and also have him practice cutting.

Quoting hwblyf:

I think that the books that tell you what a child "should" be doing at a certain age should be burned.  They used to make me so darn nutty cuz my oldest doesn't fit the mold at all.  I don't know how concerned I would be that he shows no interest in writing, but boys do typically need more fine motor skill practice.  I used to have those lace up cardboard shapes, but my guys always tied them all together and tied knots in them.  Still good practice, but I would be frustrated because that was NOT how they were supposed to be used.  Does he like drawing at all, or is that the same category as writing?  If you've always felt he was on track, I would say you're probably right.  We spend the most time with our kids, doctor's see them for 15 minutes a year.  And my sensory guy shows off all his worst behaviors when he's been left waiting in a room for an appointment he doesn't want (that may include shots), so by the time the doc comes in, he's full on meltdown.  Which is far from his all the time behavior.

As for the 7-8 yo, he sounds like my daughter, except the obedient part.  She has her good days, and she has her bad days, and then she has those days where you have no frickin' clue how to even deal with the level she brings.  I was online looking at an article about these 9 houses around the world with indoor slides.  Pretty cool.  Oh my goodness, you would think I tried to kill her the drama she brought about not having an indoor slide in our house.  That tantrum still has me shaking my head.  Oh, and she's 8.5, but this has been her FOREVER.  I'm not sure what I need to do to reassure her, but she's tiring me out.

In short, your kids sound like mine.  Sorry.  :)

Quoting Precious333: Oops, sent too early.....
He doesnt want to sleep in his bed at night. He has trouble with self control at times.


My 3-4 yr old I always thought as right on track, a very smart kid. My doctor recently suggested to check into sensory processing disorder. I dont see him as having characteristics besides still having temper tantrums and his fine motor skills need a bit fine tuning, but he really has no interest in writing. Should I expect him to be writing?

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:47 AM
You are correct that you would be getting feedback from other places besides just the docs office.

Maybe your 7 yr old has trouble handling anxiety? This could cause melt downs and difficulty being alone at night and such.

But my friend and I were talking recently about our sons and how needy they are at times and emotional.. we both have 10 yr old boys and the occasional moodiness has crept in since they were both between 7 and 8.

Quoting Precious333: See, I always felt something was off with my oldest. Maybe because hes my oldest. I have tried.diet changes, i.recently had him.evaluated at regional center and never thought to have that for my 3 yr old. My 7 yr old never seemed behind developmentally, but I never thought that of my 3 yr old.either. i wish i had my 7 yr old evaluated a long time ago honestly, whether or not he has something. I dont know.....maybe it doesnt hurt, but I kind of feel it will be a waste of time,.especially the more i am looking to see if what the doctor says is true, i think she was totally off. My dh, sister and mom.agree.

Quoting KrissyKC: You know him better than doc does, but I also know as moms we sometimes are too close and they are just our kids and are very normal to us.

On one hand, they progress at their own paces and timeframe. On the other, I can see areas my six yr old is "different" than the kids around her.

I've not had her evaluated because we are trying diet change and other such stuff.

She also had a bigger temper/reaction to stress than the others did.

She is more active, but much clums ier.

Her fine motor skills are behind. She still scribbles more than colors or draws. Her writing is developing slower.

She gets in kids faces, plays more harmoniously with younger kids, must be busy to learn, etc...

Sometimes talking to her is like....hello? Anyone in there??? I can tell her, here is your drink and she will look spacey and tell me she is thirsty and I'm standing there waiting for her to realize I am handing her a drink.... she takes a few moments to adjust sometimes.


Quoting Precious333: She said because it seemed he was tuning the.world out when she was talking with him. Then she made all these assumptions based on that. She played patty cake.type of game to see if he could hit her hand with the hand across and he was struggling with that. She also had him draw a pictures. Most of her reasons were assumptions and out conversations kept getting interrupted.

Quoting KrissyKC: Did you ask the doc why he was suggesting such an evaluation?

If he cannot give you strong reasons, he could be the kind of doc that leans toward recommending such stuff because its the thing these days. If so, I'd be looking for another doc or just take his opinion with a grain of salt.
Mandallyn
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:54 AM
My 7 year old has a lot of issues with self-control. He doesn't throw tantrums to often though, and he's not especially emotional. My 5 year old on the other hand is highly sensitive and emotional.

When they throw tantrums (mostly my 5yr old) or get worked up I validate their emotions. I tell them is okay they feel angry/sad, but it's not okay to yell, scream, hit, etc. I am also sure to point out to my daughter when she is scolded (she normally begins crying like she's been hit) that no one is angry or upset with her and that she doesn't need to be upset with herself either, she just needs to not commit the same action again.

We have been doing this for years and they are improving. They are not allowed to talk to me if they are yelling, they MUST control their voice, or they go to their room until they feel they can. I do my best to hear them out once they've calmed down, even if my answer won't change.

I was a highly sensitive child. I cried at every turn, and developed depression at a young age because my family didn't understand how to deal with me and regularly turned me away when I cried. (I'm not saying your child will or that you do that.) I have realized over the years that I actually had little understanding of my emotions or that what I was feeling was okay, since my family refused to acknowledge me when I was crying which could have been for various reasons. I've had to point out to my husband that our daughter will cry when she's embarrassed, or ashamed as well. Those moments mirror tantrums, but are not. They are moments when she needs to know she's still loved and she's okay.

A lot of this may not be applicable, but it has helped us immensely with our sensitive daughter and reducing her outbursts; and with helping our older son learn respect for us, his siblings, and our pets.
Mandallyn
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 12:02 PM
Also, I don't think there's any harm in having an evaluation for your younger child. I would go with a therapist instead of a doctor, though. That way they could let you know IF he needs help in any areas without neces sarily giving him a diagnosis and give you advice for how to help him on your own if that's your preference.
Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:10 PM
Thanks! Yeah. We are constantly telling him its ok to have these feelings, but he cant hurt himself or anyone (yelling is included in that). I try and make an effort to be calm, but there are times when I react and yell. If I do I apologize. Hr sounds just like yours, highly sensotivr.

Quoting Mandallyn: My 7 year old has a lot of issues with self-control. He doesn't throw tantrums to often though, and he's not especially emotional. My 5 year old on the other hand is highly sensitive and emotional.

When they throw tantrums (mostly my 5yr old) or get worked up I validate their emotions. I tell them is okay they feel angry/sad, but it's not okay to yell, scream, hit, etc. I am also sure to point out to my daughter when she is scolded (she normally begins crying like she's been hit) that no one is angry or upset with her and that she doesn't need to be upset with herself either, she just needs to not commit the same action again.

We have been doing this for years and they are improving. They are not allowed to talk to me if they are yelling, they MUST control their voice, or they go to their room until they feel they can. I do my best to hear them out once they've calmed down, even if my answer won't change.

I was a highly sensitive child. I cried at every turn, and developed depression at a young age because my family didn't understand how to deal with me and regularly turned me away when I cried. (I'm not saying your child will or that you do that.) I have realized over the years that I actually had little understanding of my emotions or that what I was feeling was okay, since my family refused to acknowledge me when I was crying which could have been for various reasons. I've had to point out to my husband that our daughter will cry when she's embarrassed, or ashamed as well. Those moments mirror tantrums, but are not. They are moments when she needs to know she's still loved and she's okay.

A lot of this may not be applicable, but it has helped us immensely with our sensitive daughter and reducing her outbursts; and with helping our older son learn respect for us, his siblings, and our pets.
Precious333
by Julia on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:15 PM
I wish wr could, for both, but we cant afford it.

Quoting Mandallyn: Also, I don't think there's any harm in having an evaluation for your younger child. I would go with a therapist instead of a doctor, though. That way they could let you know IF he needs help in any areas without neces sarily giving him a diagnosis and give you advice for how to help him on your own if that's your preference.
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