Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Homeschooling and coparenting

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:24 PM
  • 14 Replies

Me and my ex have a very different opinion on homeschooling. My DS is a sophmore. We started homeschooling last year. Ex didn't want DS pulled from public school at all. DS and I  won that fight and started homeschooling. Fast forward to now, we start actual designated homeschool classes August 11th. Ex wants to take DS to Georgia for a family reunion from Aug 27-Sept 8th. 

I homeschool with 2 other people(my sister and our best friend). On 3 different grade levels. DS is not taught by me but by my sister. We are very structured (7 hrs a day-4 days a week) mostly because we are teaching 9 kids between the 3 of us.  This year will be very rigourous for our older kids. They have Algebra 1, Biology, Am History, Literature, Language Arts plus Spanish.  Papers and projects in both history and biology. 

So, ex asked if DS could start working on school work now so he could remain caught up while in Georgia. Is it fair to DS or sister to ask this? And to top it all off DS leaves Sunday for 10 days at Boy Scout summer camp.  If DS was still in public school these would be unexcused absences and he would not be able to make up missing assignments. 

I know that DS wants to go meet family that he's never met before. I know  ex really would like him to go BUT is it worth ending our summer early just so he can go? or asking my sister to start teaching lessons to 1 child and then having to reteach when school starts to the other 2?


by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 2:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Analugojana
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:00 PM

Many things with coparenting are not fair or easy. I would ask my sister if she wanted to start early if you are that structured. If DS wanted to go that would be his only choice and it is fair for him.

Good luck!

kmath
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Not sure about there, but here it would be an excused absence and I could get the work ahead of time.  Anyway, to answer your question, one of the great things about homeschooling is being able to be a little more flexible when it comes to when you do school.  I would ask your sister if she was ok with starting early with him.  If she wasn't then he could take work with him when he went to visit family.  I wouldn't tell him he couldn't go though.  I would find a way to make it work.

Christyabbey
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:25 PM

We are fairly flexible but he will either be ahead of the other 2 kids or behind. My sister's sophmore schedule is very rigorous. And my sister has already told him he cannot take text books 900+ miles away. They are expensive (she bought for her kids) and she doesn't want them forgotten/ruined. and no guarantees that ex will make him do his work or help him either. 

In our public school here the only excused absences are medical and death. Family reunion does not qualify as an excused absence. 

I didn't tell DS he couldn't go. But I told him he had to get all his work done before he left and that he had to get a B or better on everything. Plus reminded him that he would be gone 10 days starting Sunday for Boy Scout summer camp. 

Quoting kmath:

Not sure about there, but here it would be an excused absence and I could get the work ahead of time.  Anyway, to answer your question, one of the great things about homeschooling is being able to be a little more flexible when it comes to when you do school.  I would ask your sister if she was ok with starting early with him.  If she wasn't then he could take work with him when he went to visit family.  I wouldn't tell him he couldn't go though.  I would find a way to make it work.


4wildbeasts
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:39 PM
I would let him go whether your sister says she will start the lessons early or not. I certainly don't think coparenting is easy, but your ex is his parent too and he should be able to make decisions.
kmath
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:43 PM

Coparenting is never easy.  You gotta do what is best for your family.  If your sister isn't willing to start early (and I wouldn't blame her for that, since she would have to start again with the other two) and doesn't trust your kid to be responsible for the textbooks, then I guess you don't really have much choice.  I hope you can get it worked out.

Quoting Christyabbey:

We are fairly flexible but he will either be ahead of the other 2 kids or behind. My sister's sophmore schedule is very rigorous. And my sister has already told him he cannot take text books 900+ miles away. They are expensive (she bought for her kids) and she doesn't want them forgotten/ruined. and no guarantees that ex will make him do his work or help him either. 

In our public school here the only excused absences are medical and death. Family reunion does not qualify as an excused absence. 

I didn't tell DS he couldn't go. But I told him he had to get all his work done before he left and that he had to get a B or better on everything. Plus reminded him that he would be gone 10 days starting Sunday for Boy Scout summer camp. 

Quoting kmath:

Not sure about there, but here it would be an excused absence and I could get the work ahead of time.  Anyway, to answer your question, one of the great things about homeschooling is being able to be a little more flexible when it comes to when you do school.  I would ask your sister if she was ok with starting early with him.  If she wasn't then he could take work with him when he went to visit family.  I wouldn't tell him he couldn't go though.  I would find a way to make it work.


Christyabbey
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 5:10 PM

We share decision making but I am primary custodian. And technically he has to give me 30 days written notice with an itinerary and contact numbers for everywhere they will be staying.  He just told me about trip yesterday.  I also do not have to allow him to take him out of state per court order.  

Regardless none of it matters now, my DS (15) has decided that working ahead on his own is too hard and that he needs to be here to have all the lectures and so on that are needed. 

Quoting 4wildbeasts: I would let him go whether your sister says she will start the lessons early or not. I certainly don't think coparenting is easy, but your ex is his parent too and he should be able to make decisions.


TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:58 PM

I, personally, (and I actually could be in this situation since my DS is mine with my ex and DD is my DH's with his ex) would see if your sister would consider doing skype lectures with him, or recording her lectures for him at least so he could either watch them and work while he's gone, or watch them and try to catch up when he gets home.  I would also see what assignments he could work on while gone.

I think the best thing about homeschooling is being able to be flexible and do all those extra things.  I get that it's not so flexible when someone else is teaching and their are other students, but I would try my best to work it out for DS since in the end he is the one that will miss out.  He will have to work harder since he will miss stuff, but it will be a good lesson overall IMO.

mem82
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:14 PM
I'm sorry you have what seems to be such a contentious relationship with your ex.
Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:49 AM

 DH and I often disagree on homeschooling. However, when it comes down to it, it is MY responsibility. We use a homeschool charter so they have set school days.

To me, family, and life lessons learned on a major trip can outweigh a week of book work. When DH took the  kids to visit his family for THREE weeks, I just marked them as in school and turned in the minimum required work. That is a joy of homeschooling.

Since you are doing a very school at home, structured program, I'm not sure how I would handle it. I would probably send a minimal amount of work (an hour or two a day) to be done while he was gone. Protocopy a chapter or two of his textbooks if he can't take the book wth him. Being a sophmore, he is PLENTY old enough to be responsible for completing his school work.  

We also go to Boy scout camp. Ours is a one week program. I consider this school time. They are in 4 hours of merit badge classes daily, plus swimming, bike riding, rock climbing, etc. I cont all the sctivities time as PE. DS2 is doing two Eagle scout required classes and two fun classes.

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 11:39 AM

Well, this isn't public school, so I don't understand why you're comparing it to PS absence policy.

Yes, I would let him go. This is a perk of homeschooling. Also, you really do not want to rock this boat - if he were to decide to take this back to court, most often judges will side with public school as default.

I would be a bit concerned about him falling behind. I promise I do not mean this as snarky, but his schedule already sounds a bit behind - biology and algebra 1 are generally 9th grade classes. I do not, however, think it's fair to insist he do his work while with his father at a family reunion.

You need to remember why you homeschool. I assume that, on some level, you weren't happy with the public school - so stop trying to compare it to public school.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)