Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Dh suddenly against hs

Posted by on Aug. 8, 2014 at 8:29 AM
  • 41 Replies

This is my second year homeschooling and within the past few weeks my dh has gotten very  critical of everything I'm doing. .He keeps pointing out differences between hs and public school and says I'm wrong about everything . Just some of his complaints:  He's insisting the boys ( 7 and 4 ) need to be up and dressed at the same time as kids going to ps. He wants school to be run on a routine with a schedule and thinks we shouldn't work at the kitchen table, but at desks. He thinks they need to be with other children in a classroom. School has to be finished when he gets home at 4:30 and he gets upset if I have my 7 year old work on the computer while I'm making dinner.. Everyday he adds to his list. Last night he asked if the local Catholic school has openings. A little late for that- school starts today in our district.

Dh is not involved in any way in the boys' education, could pretty much care less what they're doing academically even though I try to include him. All he can see is it doesn't look like ps and that upsets him. My 7 year old has a language disorder and would be in a resource class if he were in ps, but is able to work on grade level at home. He did K in ps and it was a disaster. My 4 year old is starting to read and write and is very creative and now dh says I need to put him in ps Kindergarten next year.   He told me last night LO has nothing to look forward to in the mornings. We're very involved in our local hs groups, they go on weekly field trips and they are in other activities besides so they are around other kids a lot and out in the community.

 I'm so frustrated. banging head into wall

by on Aug. 8, 2014 at 8:29 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 9:00 AM

I'd have to sit him down and  really talk to him about why I was doing homeschooling and what I need from him. He can be as stupid and mean as he wants about it but that's not what you and the boys need. So he can also choose to be educated about it and kind if he wants too. I'm so sorry. *HUGS*

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Aug. 8, 2014 at 9:03 AM

I'm sorry :(  I wish I had some advice.  I know my DH makes comments sometimes (he doesn't think the kids should be able to do school work on the couch or the floor, school work should be done sitting up straight at the table...he thinks they need to do more work-that 3-4 hrs a day wasn't enough this past year, etc).  But I know he supports the decision and is ok with me doing it again this year (at least for now).  When he says things, I try to make some adjustments, but since he doesn't have much of an interest in what they are learning or how I go about teaching it I mostly just do what I think needs to be done. 

I do usually talk to him about it later on though (like a day or two after the comment), and ask why he thinks that or what he wants me to do/change.  Then he listens to why I allow things to be the way they are and sometimes he concedes and says I am right, but most times he just lets it go even if he doesn't fully agree.  We compromised on the location/position of reading assignments, lol..he didn't think DS should be laying on the couch reading (seriously? he's just reading) so now DS can be on the couch, but sitting up.  He didn't like that DS was completely finished while DD still had an hour or more of work to do, so I am trying to make sure DS has more subjects or longer assignments or a timeframe rather than a number of things to do (so like math for 30 min rather than 15 math problems...so if he finishes the 15 problems before the 30 minutes is up then he can play a math game or move on to the next lesson...that way DD doesn't feel like she has soo much more work than DS and so she doesn't get discouraged because he works quicker than she does). 

I don't know.  I feel like public school was so much easier on so many levels-I didn't have to worry about what to do with them during the day while I worked, I didn't spend my free time lesson planning, I didn't argue with DH about how to teach them (well actually we did argue sometimes about homework lol)...I didn't have to worry about if I was doing a good enough job or what I was missing.  But then I know that hsing is so much better for them and it's worth the effort and stress.

Anyway, sorry I seemed to have taken over the post, but I wanted you to know you're not alone and hopefully DH will ease up and realize that what you are doing is really what is best for them.  Maybe remind him that ODS would be in a special class all day anyway-yet who could possibly care more about his education and well being than his mom?  And point out when you go on field trips and when LO spends time with friends...hopefully it will just reinforce to DH that hsing is good and the right thing for both of your kiddos.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 10:03 AM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I'd have to sit him down and  really talk to him about why I was doing homeschooling and what I need from him. He can be as stupid and mean as he wants about it but that's not what you and the boys need. So he can also choose to be educated about it and kind if he wants too. I'm so sorry. *HUGS*

 You know, he really is being stupid and mean about it. Ok, I feel a little better now.  I was looking at it from the perspective of what I am doing wrong. He's chosen not to learn about hs and doesn't participate, so he needs to stay out of it. If they went to ps he would be even less involved-maybe that's what he would prefer and why hsing bothers him. This would really be my hill to die on in our marriage because it's that important for the boys. Now I just need to say all that a little more diplomatically.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I'm sorry :(  I wish I had some advice.  I know my DH makes comments sometimes (he doesn't think the kids should be able to do school work on the couch or the floor, school work should be done sitting up straight at the table...he thinks they need to do more work-that 3-4 hrs a day wasn't enough this past year, etc).  But I know he supports the decision and is ok with me doing it again this year (at least for now).  When he says things, I try to make some adjustments, but since he doesn't have much of an interest in what they are learning or how I go about teaching it I mostly just do what I think needs to be done. 

I do usually talk to him about it later on though (like a day or two after the comment), and ask why he thinks that or what he wants me to do/change.  Then he listens to why I allow things to be the way they are and sometimes he concedes and says I am right, but most times he just lets it go even if he doesn't fully agree.  We compromised on the location/position of reading assignments, lol..he didn't think DS should be laying on the couch reading (seriously? he's just reading) so now DS can be on the couch, but sitting up.  He didn't like that DS was completely finished while DD still had an hour or more of work to do, so I am trying to make sure DS has more subjects or longer assignments or a timeframe rather than a number of things to do (so like math for 30 min rather than 15 math problems...so if he finishes the 15 problems before the 30 minutes is up then he can play a math game or move on to the next lesson...that way DD doesn't feel like she has soo much more work than DS and so she doesn't get discouraged because he works quicker than she does). 

I don't know.  I feel like public school was so much easier on so many levels-I didn't have to worry about what to do with them during the day while I worked, I didn't spend my free time lesson planning, I didn't argue with DH about how to teach them (well actually we did argue sometimes about homework lol)...I didn't have to worry about if I was doing a good enough job or what I was missing.  But then I know that hsing is so much better for them and it's worth the effort and stress.

Anyway, sorry I seemed to have taken over the post, but I wanted you to know you're not alone and hopefully DH will ease up and realize that what you are doing is really what is best for them.  Maybe remind him that ODS would be in a special class all day anyway-yet who could possibly care more about his education and well being than his mom?  And point out when you go on field trips and when LO spends time with friends...hopefully it will just reinforce to DH that hsing is good and the right thing for both of your kiddos.

 Wow, your dh sounds really similar to mine. We've had some of the same issues, like my son shouldn't lie on the floor doing schoolwork. I have tried to explain what ps would look like for them. I taught it for years, I think I know a little more than him about what they would be dealing with. Like I told him ODS would be in a resource class with a teacher and an aide and 15-20 kids and that they differentiate, but overall he would not be doing grade level work because they'd be teaching to the average level which would be below what he's capable of.  When I retired, both of my administrators told me I was absolutely doing the right thing to teach him at home. YDS would not fit into a kindergarten class because he can do way more than the average K already and he'd be bored out of his mind and into mischief.

I did think about his comments and made some adjustments, like this morning I set out a bunch of new activities for my 4 year old and I had him participate in the Saxon math morning meeting. While ODS got started on his workpage, I worked with YDS on his PreK math and then let him go play. We also got started earlier today.

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 11:15 AM

Yes, I would tread diplomatically and I would (gently) urge you not make this a hill your marriage would die on. We all know that push come to shove, in the event of a divorce and it going to a judge, the end result would likely be that the boys end up in public school, because that's the court default. Then what would be solved?

If I were in your situation, I might quietly suggest, every time he brings it up, that you will "listen to his concerns when he shows you that he's done some research".

Quoting Bluecalm:


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I'd have to sit him down and  really talk to him about why I was doing homeschooling and what I need from him. He can be as stupid and mean as he wants about it but that's not what you and the boys need. So he can also choose to be educated about it and kind if he wants too. I'm so sorry. *HUGS*

 You know, he really is being stupid and mean about it. Ok, I feel a little better now.  I was looking at it from the perspective of what I am doing wrong. He's chosen not to learn about hs and doesn't participate, so he needs to stay out of it. If they went to ps he would be even less involved-maybe that's what he would prefer and why hsing bothers him. This would really be my hill to die on in our marriage because it's that important for the boys. Now I just need to say all that a little more diplomatically.


I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 11:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Good point about what a judge would rule. I don't really want a divorce, it's just how important hsing is to me KWIM? I like the idea about him researching to prove his points. Right now all the research he's doing is talking to buddies at work.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Yes, I would tread diplomatically and I would (gently) urge you not make this a hill your marriage would die on. We all know that push come to shove, in the event of a divorce and it going to a judge, the end result would likely be that the boys end up in public school, because that's the court default. Then what would be solved?

If I were in your situation, I might quietly suggest, every time he brings it up, that you will "listen to his concerns when he shows you that he's done some research".

Quoting Bluecalm:


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I'd have to sit him down and  really talk to him about why I was doing homeschooling and what I need from him. He can be as stupid and mean as he wants about it but that's not what you and the boys need. So he can also choose to be educated about it and kind if he wants too. I'm so sorry. *HUGS*


 You know, he really is being stupid and mean about it. Ok, I feel a little better now.  I was looking at it from the perspective of what I am doing wrong. He's chosen not to learn about hs and doesn't participate, so he needs to stay out of it. If they went to ps he would be even less involved-maybe that's what he would prefer and why hsing bothers him. This would really be my hill to die on in our marriage because it's that important for the boys. Now I just need to say all that a little more diplomatically.

LostTheSlipper
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 10:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Who has he been talking to? Why is he demanding this stuff? Seems kind of odd if you weren't doing it that way before and he was okay with it.

Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2014 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes and maybe show him that the kids have/are learning and being social. I'd strive to have them do things only when he is not around too. That's what I had to do with my husband. He is just a huge distraction anyway. *HUGS*

Quoting Bluecalm:


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I'd have to sit him down and  really talk to him about why I was doing homeschooling and what I need from him. He can be as stupid and mean as he wants about it but that's not what you and the boys need. So he can also choose to be educated about it and kind if he wants too. I'm so sorry. *HUGS*

 You know, he really is being stupid and mean about it. Ok, I feel a little better now.  I was looking at it from the perspective of what I am doing wrong. He's chosen not to learn about hs and doesn't participate, so he needs to stay out of it. If they went to ps he would be even less involved-maybe that's what he would prefer and why hsing bothers him. This would really be my hill to die on in our marriage because it's that important for the boys. Now I just need to say all that a little more diplomatically.


kirbymom
by Sonja on Aug. 9, 2014 at 11:52 AM
I have to agree with this. Do some research yourself and then have a copy of it "handy" when dh comments on the way you are schooling. Mabey if he can "read/ see the pros and cons he'd have a better understanding and not be as negative in his comments or his expectations.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Yes, I would tread diplomatically and I would (gently) urge you not make this a hill your marriage would die on. We all know that push come to shove, in the event of a divorce and it going to a judge, the end result would likely be that the boys end up in public school, because that's the court default. Then what would be solved?

If I were in your situation, I might quietly suggest, every time he brings it up, that you will "listen to his concerns when he shows you that he's done some research".

Quoting Bluecalm:


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I'd have to sit him down and  really talk to him about why I was doing homeschooling and what I need from him. He can be as stupid and mean as he wants about it but that's not what you and the boys need. So he can also choose to be educated about it and kind if he wants too. I'm so sorry. *HUGS*


 You know, he really is being stupid and mean about it. Ok, I feel a little better now.  I was looking at it from the perspective of what I am doing wrong. He's chosen not to learn about hs and doesn't participate, so he needs to stay out of it. If they went to ps he would be even less involved-maybe that's what he would prefer and why hsing bothers him. This would really be my hill to die on in our marriage because it's that important for the boys. Now I just need to say all that a little more diplomatically.

tuffymama
by Bronze Member on Aug. 9, 2014 at 12:37 PM
Have you read of the radical unschooling approach? It sounds like that might not be your particular style, and it isn't mine, but I have gleaned LOADS of information, insight, and inspiration from my RU reading. Also, read more books about homeschooling! Maybe researching FACTS and not just basing your argument for homeschooling on emotions will settle your husband's hash. Unless and until HE is ready to bone up on the subject and stop merely spouting his misinformation, tell him the subject is closed. The mother is in charge of the hearth and all who gather there. It is the man's place to provide that shelter and the means to run it.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN