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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

This is my second year homeschooling and within the past few weeks my dh has gotten very  critical of everything I'm doing. .He keeps pointing out differences between hs and public school and says I'm wrong about everything . Just some of his complaints:  He's insisting the boys ( 7 and 4 ) need to be up and dressed at the same time as kids going to ps. He wants school to be run on a routine with a schedule and thinks we shouldn't work at the kitchen table, but at desks. He thinks they need to be with other children in a classroom. School has to be finished when he gets home at 4:30 and he gets upset if I have my 7 year old work on the computer while I'm making dinner.. Everyday he adds to his list. Last night he asked if the local Catholic school has openings. A little late for that- school starts today in our district.

Dh is not involved in any way in the boys' education, could pretty much care less what they're doing academically even though I try to include him. All he can see is it doesn't look like ps and that upsets him. My 7 year old has a language disorder and would be in a resource class if he were in ps, but is able to work on grade level at home. He did K in ps and it was a disaster. My 4 year old is starting to read and write and is very creative and now dh says I need to put him in ps Kindergarten next year.   He told me last night LO has nothing to look forward to in the mornings. We're very involved in our local hs groups, they go on weekly field trips and they are in other activities besides so they are around other kids a lot and out in the community.

 I'm so frustrated. banging head into wall

by on Aug. 8, 2014 at 8:29 AM
Replies (21-30):
Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:31 PM
My son has a language delay also. He started K testing at a 3 year, 4 month language level and after an entire year in K was only at 3 years 6 months and he had just turned 6. The Speech therapist reevaluated him this past March ( first hs year) and he was at a 5 year old level. She said hsing is definitely the answer for him.

Something just occurred to me. My dh brags about the boys progress a lot to anyone who will listen. I wonder if he has been hearing negative stuff about hsing as a result. Today is raining so we've spent the afternoon doing fun science at the kitchen table. He walked by smiling happily. Hmmmm.

Quoting MessedUpMama:

 Is the point to be like school or for the kids to learn? If they need to learn things I would say that whatever works best for that child is the best choice.


You tried PS with your ODS, it wasn't working for him.


Your younger one isn't kindergarten age yet. He would have to wait until he turned 5, which means he would miss out on a whole year of schooling.


Special education class rooms are not designed with academics in mind, they focus much more on behavior. They might have passed him on into first grade in the special class, and now he would be in second grade, but he would NOT have been doing grade level work.


My DS is 11, he has mild CP, he is so far sighted that he should not have been able to read which we didn't find out until he was in third grade, he has some delays in language which amount to him being about a year behind the average kids his age in the kinds of conversations he has and the things he's interested in. He was tested at the end of third grade in public school at being second grade first month for everything except reading. It wasn't because of his disabilities, but because of the actual class work he was doing in the special ed class.


Maybe remind him of these things. Find out what he so worried about, Is it really about doing it like school? Does he really think that a public school would be better, or is he afraid that they won't make friends if they don't go to school? Can't they make friends in church or homeschool groups? Don't brush aside his worries, but address them. If he is getting these ideas from his friends at work addressing them and being willing to discuss them will go a long way to helping him see that for your children homeschooling is the better choice, at least for now.


Quoting Bluecalm: He thinks sitting at a desk is more like school. He really needs to be deschooled! I think he's forgetting about homework and realizing how nice it is our evenings can be spent together. I also don't think my dh considers that if my ODS had stayed in PS he would have been retained in kindergarten last year and in a resource class. He would have been in first grade in a special ed class instead of second grade like he is now. My little guy just turned 4 and he's learning so much.
Quoting MessedUpMama:

Try to get him to explain why he thinks they need to be up and dressed for school just like the other children.


 Why does he think that sitting at a desk would be better than sitting at the kitchen table?


Does he realize that they would both be doing homework every day after school, and that they would most likely be doing it after he gets home? (Children around here who ride the bus to school get home around 4:00, and have a couple of hours of homework everyday. Even in Kindergarten they have quite a bit of homework every day.)


If he is worried that they will not be "on grade level" with their work, tell him that that is the beauty of homeschooling. They get to work ahead of grade level if they want to, and they can take a bit longer if they need the time to actually learn it.


As long as you are not one of the "bad" homeschoolers who just let their children run amok, your children will learn things because you can take the time to make sure they know it, in public school they can't always take the time some children need to finally "get" it. Smart children can't always advance as fast as they need to either. Maybe if he actually thinks about why he believes those things he will come to see that he is really just allowing others (his co-workers for example) to tell him what to think when it comes to schooling his children.


 

Memere60
by Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I took my daughter out of K in the middle the year and homeschooled her for two years (taught her how to read) 25 years ago. I should have just kept her at home throughout her school years, but my husband lost his job, and I had to go back to work. Back then, I only knew a couple of people who were homeschooling, but we still managed to find some others, and we got together, had field trips,etc.

People thought homeschoolers were very weird back then. Now it's so much more accepted. I'm sorry your hubby is not on board with this. What is so great about sending your kids off to school, and hoping they come back alive? 

Anyway, my daughter grew up to become a teacher, I know another homeschooled kid who is now an oncologist, one is a professor, and another is a nurse. Good luck :)

Scribbleprints
by Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:30 PM

I asked on another post here what a typical day was for 1st Grand/KG.  First, I would tell him statistics about homeschooling that show that most homeschooled children do as well or better than PS kids, academically, THEN show him that post showing how homeschoolers at this age typically spend their day:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/20141650/KG_First_Grade_Homeschoolers_Whats_a_Typical_Day?highlight=281310844#post281310844

Maybe that will help him see that you aren't slacking off.


suziejax
by Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 7:05 PM

I am so sorry hun. As far as the first part it sounds just like my dh. :-( Second part of what you said your dealing with your dh.... mine is the one who won't let me put my dd back in school when I want to give up lol. I really hope he opens his eyes to see and will support you.

Bluerose1482
by Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 7:38 PM

Pretest and then post-test.  Show him that your children ARE learning using whatever methods you are using.  Even a pig-headed man egged on by his work buddies can't argue with cold-hard facts.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:31 PM
He doesn't think I'm slacking, it's more like it bothers him that it's different from the norm.

Quoting Scribbleprints:

I asked on another post here what a typical day was for 1st Grand/KG.  First, I would tell him statistics about homeschooling that show that most homeschooled children do as well or better than PS kids, academically, THEN show him that post showing how homeschoolers at this age typically spend their day:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/20141650/KG_First_Grade_Homeschoolers_Whats_a_Typical_Day?highlight=281310844#post281310844

Maybe that will help him see that you aren't slacking off.

Scribbleprints
by Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:37 PM

Do you think he would feel better if he understood that this IS the norm for homeschoolers though?  Or does he understand that, but just doesn't want his kids not get get "normal" schooling?   Maybe you could ask him what he's afraid the kids will miss by not going to school and you can see if there are other things where they can get experience with that  (like maybe taking a co-op class or an afterschool class with kids once a weed so they can get some experience in a "school like" environment with other kids?  (If anything like that is available in your area).  

Quoting Bluecalm: He doesn't think I'm slacking, it's more like it bothers him that it's different from the norm.
Quoting Scribbleprints:

I asked on another post here what a typical day was for 1st Grand/KG.  First, I would tell him statistics about homeschooling that show that most homeschooled children do as well or better than PS kids, academically, THEN show him that post showing how homeschoolers at this age typically spend their day:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/20141650/KG_First_Grade_Homeschoolers_Whats_a_Typical_Day?highlight=281310844#post281310844

Maybe that will help him see that you aren't slacking off.



Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:38 PM
If the pigheaded man would look at the scores it would help. :) I do have pre and post scores on ODS, but dh doesn't seem interested. I really don't think it's the academic end of it that bothers him.

Quoting Bluerose1482:

Pretest and then post-test.  Show him that your children ARE learning using whatever methods you are using.  Even a pig-headed man egged on by his work buddies can't argue with cold-hard facts.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:43 PM
You aren't going to believe this, but he thinks my son should go to school and be bullied for his speech problen so he can learn to deal with it.

Quoting Scribbleprints:

Do you think he would feel better if he understood that this IS the norm for homeschoolers though?  Or does he understand that, but just doesn't want his kids not get get "normal" schooling?   Maybe you could ask him what he's afraid the kids will miss by not going to school and you can see if there are other things where they can get experience with that  (like maybe taking a co-op class or an afterschool class with kids once a weed so they can get some experience in a "school like" environment with other kids?  (If anything like that is available in your area).  

Quoting Bluecalm: He doesn't think I'm slacking, it's more like it bothers him that it's different from the norm.

Quoting Scribbleprints:

I asked on another post here what a typical day was for 1st Grand/KG.  First, I would tell him statistics about homeschooling that show that most homeschooled children do as well or better than PS kids, academically, THEN show him that post showing how homeschoolers at this age typically spend their day:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/20141650/KG_First_Grade_Homeschoolers_Whats_a_Typical_Day?highlight=281310844#post281310844

Maybe that will help him see that you aren't slacking off.

Scribbleprints
by Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 10:56 PM

:(. Sadly, he'll get some of that even if he's homeschooled.   I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

Quoting Bluecalm: You aren't going to believe this, but he thinks my son should go to school and be bullied for his speech problen so he can learn to deal with it.
Quoting Scribbleprints:

Do you think he would feel better if he understood that this IS the norm for homeschoolers though?  Or does he understand that, but just doesn't want his kids not get get "normal" schooling?   Maybe you could ask him what he's afraid the kids will miss by not going to school and you can see if there are other things where they can get experience with that  (like maybe taking a co-op class or an afterschool class with kids once a weed so they can get some experience in a "school like" environment with other kids?  (If anything like that is available in your area).  

Quoting Bluecalm: He doesn't think I'm slacking, it's more like it bothers him that it's different from the norm.
Quoting Scribbleprints:

I asked on another post here what a typical day was for 1st Grand/KG.  First, I would tell him statistics about homeschooling that show that most homeschooled children do as well or better than PS kids, academically, THEN show him that post showing how homeschoolers at this age typically spend their day:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/20141650/KG_First_Grade_Homeschoolers_Whats_a_Typical_Day?highlight=281310844#post281310844

Maybe that will help him see that you aren't slacking off.




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