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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

This is my second year homeschooling and within the past few weeks my dh has gotten very  critical of everything I'm doing. .He keeps pointing out differences between hs and public school and says I'm wrong about everything . Just some of his complaints:  He's insisting the boys ( 7 and 4 ) need to be up and dressed at the same time as kids going to ps. He wants school to be run on a routine with a schedule and thinks we shouldn't work at the kitchen table, but at desks. He thinks they need to be with other children in a classroom. School has to be finished when he gets home at 4:30 and he gets upset if I have my 7 year old work on the computer while I'm making dinner.. Everyday he adds to his list. Last night he asked if the local Catholic school has openings. A little late for that- school starts today in our district.

Dh is not involved in any way in the boys' education, could pretty much care less what they're doing academically even though I try to include him. All he can see is it doesn't look like ps and that upsets him. My 7 year old has a language disorder and would be in a resource class if he were in ps, but is able to work on grade level at home. He did K in ps and it was a disaster. My 4 year old is starting to read and write and is very creative and now dh says I need to put him in ps Kindergarten next year.   He told me last night LO has nothing to look forward to in the mornings. We're very involved in our local hs groups, they go on weekly field trips and they are in other activities besides so they are around other kids a lot and out in the community.

 I'm so frustrated. banging head into wall

by on Aug. 8, 2014 at 8:29 AM
Replies (31-40):
Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:02 PM
He already has been bullied at church. At the library some girls asked if he was retarded. At the playground kids were mocking him. I think he has enough opportunities to learn coping skills. :(

Quoting Scribbleprints:

:(. Sadly, he'll get some of that even if he's homeschooled.   I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

Quoting Bluecalm: You aren't going to believe this, but he thinks my son should go to school and be bullied for his speech problen so he can learn to deal with it.

Quoting Scribbleprints:

Do you think he would feel better if he understood that this IS the norm for homeschoolers though?  Or does he understand that, but just doesn't want his kids not get get "normal" schooling?   Maybe you could ask him what he's afraid the kids will miss by not going to school and you can see if there are other things where they can get experience with that  (like maybe taking a co-op class or an afterschool class with kids once a weed so they can get some experience in a "school like" environment with other kids?  (If anything like that is available in your area).  

Quoting Bluecalm: He doesn't think I'm slacking, it's more like it bothers him that it's different from the norm.

Quoting Scribbleprints:

I asked on another post here what a typical day was for 1st Grand/KG.  First, I would tell him statistics about homeschooling that show that most homeschooled children do as well or better than PS kids, academically, THEN show him that post showing how homeschoolers at this age typically spend their day:  http://www.cafemom.com/group/114079/forums/read/20141650/KG_First_Grade_Homeschoolers_Whats_a_Typical_Day?highlight=281310844#post281310844

Maybe that will help him see that you aren't slacking off.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:07 AM
Thanks for everyone's input! I've decided that dh needs to spend some time every day reviewing what the boys accomplished, look over their written work, check their progress on their computer programs, etc. Since being around other kids is important to him, I'm going to talk up our field trips and park days more as well as talk about when they played with other kids like at the Y. If he's not interested in keeping tabs on what they're doing then I will ( nicely) tell him to keep his criticisms to himself and let me carry on.
firefay
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:37 AM

Hold the phone! Bluecalm, your husband wants your kid to be bullied?!  How ass backwards is that ish?! I was bullied in middle school and high school (public school through grade 12).  It freakin' sucked! :(

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 11:12 AM
One of his coworkers convinced him if he doesn't learn to handle it at 7, he will never learn. And yes, that ranks up there as the stupidest thing I ever heard. My dh was not bullied in school and has no clue. I was bullied in junior high.

Quoting firefay:

Hold the phone! Bluecalm, your husband wants your kid to be bullied?!  How ass backwards is that ish?! I was bullied in middle school and high school (public school through grade 12).  It freakin' sucked! :(

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:25 PM

Our job is not to harden our children to the world but to raise children who will make the world a softer and better place.

I'm so sorry about the conflict in your home.  I hope you can come together on this.  It sounds like outside influences are interfering here.  I don't know your religious background, but in our family I would gently remind hubby that when we married we promised to leave others behind and cleave to one another.  I've reminded him that we need to come to a consensus within our own family and stand firm against others.  Not that outside information isn't allowed, but it shouldn't quite have the weight of those of us inside the family unit.  I hope that's helpful.  And Good Luck!!

Quoting Bluecalm: One of his coworkers convinced him if he doesn't learn to handle it at 7, he will never learn. And yes, that ranks up there as the stupidest thing I ever heard. My dh was not bullied in school and has no clue. I was bullied in junior high.
Quoting firefay:

Hold the phone! Bluecalm, your husband wants your kid to be bullied?!  How ass backwards is that ish?! I was bullied in middle school and high school (public school through grade 12).  It freakin' sucked! :(


Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:53 PM
I agree, we shouldn't have to harden our children.My dh talks a lot about it being a cruel world and he wants them prepared for it. We've had this discussion many times about marriage. I find he's easily swayed by others and it's put a wedge between us. He had a friend who was not a friend of our marriage and stirred up resentment against me. My dh ended the friendship when he realized just how toxic he was.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

Our job is not to harden our children to the world but to raise children who will make the world a softer and better place.

I'm so sorry about the conflict in your home.  I hope you can come together on this.  It sounds like outside influences are interfering here.  I don't know your religious background, but in our family I would gently remind hubby that when we married we promised to leave others behind and cleave to one another.  I've reminded him that we need to come to a consensus within our own family and stand firm against others.  Not that outside information isn't allowed, but it shouldn't quite have the weight of those of us inside the family unit.  I hope that's helpful.  And Good Luck!!

Quoting Bluecalm: One of his coworkers convinced him if he doesn't learn to handle it at 7, he will never learn. And yes, that ranks up there as the stupidest thing I ever heard. My dh was not bullied in school and has no clue. I was bullied in junior high.

Quoting firefay:

Hold the phone! Bluecalm, your husband wants your kid to be bullied?!  How ass backwards is that ish?! I was bullied in middle school and high school (public school through grade 12).  It freakin' sucked! :(

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe he'll show the same judgement in this situation, it'll just take some time seeing you and the little ones "doing" school and having a good time.  You did say that he's been bragging on how much the oldest has learned in this adventure?  Maybe just giving it a bit of time and patience while explaining all of the benefits you see will bring him around to homeschooling again?

Quoting Bluecalm: I agree, we shouldn't have to harden our children.My dh talks a lot about it being a cruel world and he wants them prepared for it. We've had this discussion many times about marriage. I find he's easily swayed by others and it's put a wedge between us. He had a friend who was not a friend of our marriage and stirred up resentment against me. My dh ended the friendship when he realized just how toxic he was.
Quoting bluerooffarm:

Our job is not to harden our children to the world but to raise children who will make the world a softer and better place.

I'm so sorry about the conflict in your home.  I hope you can come together on this.  It sounds like outside influences are interfering here.  I don't know your religious background, but in our family I would gently remind hubby that when we married we promised to leave others behind and cleave to one another.  I've reminded him that we need to come to a consensus within our own family and stand firm against others.  Not that outside information isn't allowed, but it shouldn't quite have the weight of those of us inside the family unit.  I hope that's helpful.  And Good Luck!!

Quoting Bluecalm: One of his coworkers convinced him if he doesn't learn to handle it at 7, he will never learn. And yes, that ranks up there as the stupidest thing I ever heard. My dh was not bullied in school and has no clue. I was bullied in junior high.
Quoting firefay:

Hold the phone! Bluecalm, your husband wants your kid to be bullied?!  How ass backwards is that ish?! I was bullied in middle school and high school (public school through grade 12).  It freakin' sucked! :(


mommy2cristian
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 5:17 PM

That sounds like my DB when it came to me homeschooling.  It was a little hurtful & offensive when he'd make comments, but I told him that he doesn't help or do anything so he shouldn't say anything.  I mean really?  If our kid(s) were in public school I'd still be doing everything as well.  My oldest was in school for Kindergarten and I thought that was a disaster.  He went again for 2nd grade and that was a huge disaster.  He asked me last night if the kids were going to school & when I explained the situation he was a little disappointed, but accepted that it is what it is.  But he was more disappointed that our kids aren't like other kids and have issues being there.  We just wish it was easier for them and that school wasn't such a struggle for them.  

Hopefully he'll come around. {HUGS}

Oh, & as for the bullying?  Someone mentioned this to me last week and I explained that my son has had to experience this in sports.  Because of his anxiety he's a little more timid about everything and sometimes he doesn't play as well as he can and some of the kids for a little clique or make comments about him or other kids.  They will get that throught whatever social interaction they have.  

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 7:30 PM
My son asked to play soccer this fall and my dh is kind of unsure about it because he has asthma and is a slow runner. I thought it was strange that now my dh is worried about him being bullied.
Tonight I made a point to mention a few things we're doing. He actually sat down with our 4 year old and looked through a dinosaur book with him.

Quoting mommy2cristian:

That sounds like my DB when it came to me homeschooling.  It was a little hurtful & offensive when he'd make comments, but I told him that he doesn't help or do anything so he shouldn't say anything.  I mean really?  If our kid(s) were in public school I'd still be doing everything as well.  My oldest was in school for Kindergarten and I thought that was a disaster.  He went again for 2nd grade and that was a huge disaster.  He asked me last night if the kids were going to school & when I explained the situation he was a little disappointed, but accepted that it is what it is.  But he was more disappointed that our kids aren't like other kids and have issues being there.  We just wish it was easier for them and that school wasn't such a struggle for them.  

Hopefully he'll come around. {HUGS}

Oh, & as for the bullying?  Someone mentioned this to me last week and I explained that my son has had to experience this in sports.  Because of his anxiety he's a little more timid about everything and sometimes he doesn't play as well as he can and some of the kids for a little clique or make comments about him or other kids.  They will get that throught whatever social interaction they have.  

countrygirlkat
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I am new to homeschooling and my DH is really excited about it so I don't have advice based on experience, but I will say that I have read tons, and tons of books this summer on homeschooling(both how to sort of books and testamonial books on different familys' journies), and it has helped me see how many of the things your DH is complaining about are not necessary in the homeschool environment.  When we talked about doing this I first thought of it as school at home.  Through all I have read, it isn't school at home, but education at home which is a huge difference.  The schools do it the way they do because they have to.  They have no choice when they have 25 students in a class with one teacher, all different levels and styles, but they all have to learn the same thing at the same time so they all sit in desks and do worksheets all day because that is the only way to really do it with that many kids at that many levels.  The benefit of homeschooling it seems to me is that without those constraints that schools use because they have no choice, I can create a work environment that will really be tailored to education and learning as opposed to schooling. 

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