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Help! Advice needed...I am at my wits end.

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 4:18 AM
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I have a six year old that has been homeschooled regularly since he was four.   I made the mistake, on a very exhaustive day, of asking what can I do to get you guys to finish your work in a timely manner?  Apparently my wording was a lightbulb moment to my six year old that mommy can't "make" him do anything and since that moment he has been proving his theory.

there are days he decides he's not going to do anything... Schoolwork being the biggest chore-- for me... We have a block schedule, so he isn't even expected to do all subjects in one day!! 

I am at the point where our relationship seems to be an unending punishment procedure... Timeouts, sent to bed, spankings, taking toys/priveleges away... Nothing phases him.  NOTHING.  he just goes right back to doing whatever he feels like while refusing to do anything expected of him.  He has always been a strong-willed child, but my will has deteriorated and I am starting to look forward to his timeouts--away from me-- and that is horrible!!!!! I feel just horrible.  I'm doing something so very wrong and I haven't a clue what it is. 

So, please, by all means, someone tell me what to do.  Advice is most welcome!!

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 4:18 AM
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Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:54 AM
I would probably stop doi g for him. Everyone has a job in our family. Mine is to cooo, clean and teach. Kids job is school, DH works and brings in $.

If he refuses to do his job, i would stop doing for him. Lno cooking, no laundry, no driving to activities.
Wait..Daddy chooses not to work..you cant play video games as there is no $$ for electricity, etc.

Jlee4249
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:57 PM

I can't Not feed him... 

Yesterday about three, after abandoning homework, he didn't want to do his one chore, so I sent him to bed to wait for dinner, after which he went to bed for the night.  Today, he returned to bed after breakfast, with his homework in tow, and can join us downstairs after his homework is complete... Waiting to see if he chooses to spend all day in bed or not.  Funny thing is he has no idea that several Halloween activities are coming up.  He's going to be in shock when he can't go with his sisters. 

Jlee4249
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:57 PM

BUMP!

amonkeymom
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:54 PM
2 moms liked this

Not allowing him to participate in the Halloween activities if he doesn't get it done is a start.  You might also try some positive things though.... rewards.  "As soon as X is done, we'll go for a bike ride".  He might just need some activities in between tasks to motivate him again.

Quoting Jlee4249:

I can't Not feed him... 

Yesterday about three, after abandoning homework, he didn't want to do his one chore, so I sent him to bed to wait for dinner, after which he went to bed for the night.  Today, he returned to bed after breakfast, with his homework in tow, and can join us downstairs after his homework is complete... Waiting to see if he chooses to spend all day in bed or not.  Funny thing is he has no idea that several Halloween activities are coming up.  He's going to be in shock when he can't go with his sisters. 


Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:59 PM

 I didn't say not feed him, let hm get food himself! At 6yo there are plenty of things he can make. Or, he can choose to do his job!

It sounds like you are used to letting him have hi way and don't want to expend the required energy to nip this in the bud.

Quoting Jlee4249:

I can't Not feed him... 

Yesterday about three, after abandoning homework, he didn't want to do his one chore, so I sent him to bed to wait for dinner, after which he went to bed for the night.  Today, he returned to bed after breakfast, with his homework in tow, and can join us downstairs after his homework is complete... Waiting to see if he chooses to spend all day in bed or not.  Funny thing is he has no idea that several Halloween activities are coming up.  He's going to be in shock when he can't go with his sisters. 

 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/98, 1st Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

Codysmom2106
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 7:23 PM
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Is he allowed to take breaks in between work? My ds is 8. We have a timer that we set.  He works for 60 minutes and then gets at least a 20 minute break depending on what point in the day we are at when he breaks.  This way he gets a chance to get up, run around, eat or do what ever he needs to do in order to release some energy and reset his mind.  He works so much better this way. The day is a little longer than it used to be but there is less fustration all the way around.

Also limited screen time is a huge reward. If he doesn't complete his assignments and do his chores.  He doesn't get screen time.

Best of luck! I hope you find something that works.

collinsmommy0
by Kim on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:16 PM
He's 6......I would switch to adding more fun, activity based learning activities into his day, and maybe start a reward system - he gets a star or whatever for each page completed, after X number he 'gets' something (an extra long break, 20 minutes of video games, etc). Once stars are earned, they stay - they are not taken away
Roo1234
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:33 PM
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All kids go through phases like this. I found it was far more effective to catch my kids doing good and rewarding it, than punishing the bad. Constantly focusing on trying to "fix" the negative creates a cycle that taints everything.

The supposed advantage of home schooling is that you can tailor the lessons to the learning style of the child. Your inflexibility is not distinctly different than what you are wanting to avoid in the structured school setting.

We cannot change the behavior of other people, and this includes our children. You need to change your perspective and response instead of you want to break the pattern
debramommyof4
by Group Admin on Oct. 16, 2014 at 12:54 AM

Our rule is if you do not get your work done you get nothing fun.  We do family movie nights, the kids all have an activity and we go to fun places on the weekend.

If they do not get their work done for the day and there is an activity they are suppose to attend that day they are not allowed to go, except games, then they have to go sit in the stands and do their school work while their teammates play.  If they are not done with everything for the week they will not do any of our family activities.  They will sit in their room during family movie night (with their work), or sit on a bench at the park (with thier work).  What ever we are doing we do not cancel for them they take thier work and sit there to do it.

After several times of me inforcing this and reminding them that they chose to do this instead of the fun thing, because they chose not to do their work, they finally get it and stop being so stuburn. 

Our conversation goes something like this 

Me- "Everyone lets go to the park.  Oh, DD8 do not forget your binder.   Remember you still have math to do and I would hate for you to forget it."

DD9- "But Mommy, we are going to the park can I do it later?"

Me- "I am so sorry.  I know how sad it makes you but you chose not to play at the park when you did not do your work."

DD8 "But Mommy, I promise I will do better next time/"

Me  " Then next time you may play."

 

It goes on for awhile with crying but eventually she does as she is asked and has to wait till next time.  And during the next week when she gets stuborn I will remind her of what she missed and will miss that week.

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2014 at 8:01 AM
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What schoolwork are you expecting him to do? Is it mostly written work?
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