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Don't Want to Participate, Don't Want to Leave

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2017 at 3:21 AM
  • 3 Replies

At co-op my son will sometimes not want to participate (and I don't usually push to hard on that, for various reasons), but neither does he want to leave (and I don't even mean permanently leave the class...I just mean to step outside the class or even go out on the playground if he doesn't want to do an activity). Sometimes he'll eventually join in...but other times he'll mope and I'll even see tears welling but he won't want to leave. I think it's this pull between wanting to stay near his friends, but sometimes not wanting to try something new.   If he's just quietly sitting on the side it's ok, and sometimes eventually he'll be drawn in and want to participate  But if he's starting to cry over it, but doesn't want to leave, it can make other kids feel bad.   Yet if he causes a fuss over leaving that's distracting and unsettling to the other kids, too.   I'm not sure how best to handle this.   Advice?

(He really likes co-op and talks about it the whole rest of the week...so it's not like he hates it.  When he does participate he loves it). 

by on Apr. 30, 2017 at 3:21 AM
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Replies (1-3):
LostTheSlipper
by Group Admin on Apr. 30, 2017 at 11:38 AM

How old is he? How many classes is he in? Can you just start with one next year, and explain to him that he has to participate to stay in it? Can he see his friends elsewhere?

I guess I tend to be more strict. If there are no reasons (very young, disabilities or learning issues, or something like that) I'd require him to do what he should be doing during the class session. IIf mine wasn't participating, he wouldn't be attending, I'd work out something else for him to be around his friends.

AutasticMomx2
by Member on Apr. 30, 2017 at 12:22 PM
How quickly can you get him out of the room if he is crying? My son has autism and I allow him to not participate, but I don't allow him to whine or cry. If he's crying, we leave a place. It might cause a quick disruption, but that's life. You can't allow a kid to continue poor behavior just to avoid making a scene.
collinsmommy0
by Kim on Apr. 30, 2017 at 5:59 PM
Can you find out what they are doing in the class before the class happens? My 6 year old has anxiety but the science class he attends has a journal with some clues as to what will happen during the next week. So I am able to go over what they will be doing or learning about the day before the class starts.

As an example, in his human body class they had body stations one week and an x-ray related thing the next week. So the first week we watched YouTube videos about the body parts (it was labeled in the journal, so I knew they would be learning about the heart, lungs, & brain) and the second week we read a book about broken bones from the library.

The classes where I review the information beforehand go very smoothly.
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