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I'm done. I'm over it.

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2018 at 10:17 AM
  • 13 Replies
So this past week was spring break. My oldest is in the second grade and he has gone back to his 'normal' self this week. On Wednesday, I finally got him to open up about school. Come to find out that either the Thursday or Friday before spring break, he was punched in the stomach and penis by a little girl in his class that we've had bullying issues with all year long.

Did I get a phone call from the school? Nope. But I sure did when my son and another little boy were 'sword fighting' with spoons at lunch and my son got poked on the cheek with a spoon. But not when my son was PUNCHED? Am I the only one who sees a massive problem with that or thatbit screams that there is something seriously wrong going on at the school?

We had already made the decision to homeschool next year. This may have just sped up the process. Tomorrow when I take my son in, I'm not sending my child into a classroom with a bully who has punched him. Either she is moved out of the classroom, or I'm disenrolling him. I guess we will find out exactly how badly they want state funding from him being in a seat for the last 45 school days of the year. My husband thought 'well, he can stick it out for another 2 months. It's only 2 months.' But when I pointed out that this other child has escalated to physical assault now, they will continue to get worse- he suddenly understood where I was coming from. Plus the school didn't even call us. What else are they willing to hide about our child?

They pulled the same type of shady crap last year when my child was so stressed out that he was melting down, but it was because of a teacher who had ZERO control of a classroom and he was so overwhelmed that he broke down and was just crying all day every day. But did they call me? Nope. They told me everything was fine and that it must be a home issue or I was overreacting to normal childhood behavior. And then I started showing up after the first couple of weeks and observing the classroom. Another teacher stopped me in the hallway asking if he was ok at home after rough days at school. I told him that no, he wasn't. And I was there to find out what was actually going on. He asked for my phone number and called me after school to let me know some of what the school wasn't telling me. This was my son's reading teacher, so my son would be good as gold in his room, then turn around and loose his shit once they went back to the regular classroom. He knew something wasn't right but couldn't just up and make a request to move my son to him room permanently. It took a squeaky wheel mom for that to happen.

My child was changed classes to get him away from the teacher and immediately did a 180* turn around and went back to being a kid. The teacher we had issues with was fired before the end of the second quarter, so it wasnt just us having all these issues because it takes a LOT for our school district to fire a teacher, let alone mid year.

I'm just at the end of my rope with the school district. My oldest has had 2 absolutely wonderful teachers with 20+ years in the classrooms. And then he has had one that was so awful that was fired midyear, and another one who wants to hide that my son has been punched, yet finds that a spoon poke at lunch time warrants a phone call home. Nope. Done. My child won't even sit next to me when I'm reading a story because the school has pushed reading so hard that he associates it with reading in school. He doesn't even want to hear it anymore. That's a huge issue for me because at the beginning of this year he still loved to be cuddled up and listening to stories or reading them with me. Now he just gets up and walks away. Book fairs and stores he no longer enjoys. I just need to pull him out before they start destroying his love of history and science as well next year. Which leads me to another thing.

They ONLY work on math and 'language arts'. Nothing else has come home this year besides THREE history worksheets that had to do with Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, and George Washington's birthday. So math, spelling, reading, reading, and more reading. His teacher praised him at the beginning of the year about knowing an dunderstanding the difference between 'too, to, and two' as well as 'their, there, and they're.' I told her that it was something we had worked on and called 'tricky words' when he noticed that the same words were spelled different ways. And now they've managed to ruin that because he wants nothing to do with reading now.

To say I'm frustrated is being nice. We already work with him over everything he doesn't understand, as well as things such as fractions, science, history, and just about anything he asks about. He gets excited about learning at home but fights me on going to school. It's just time to make it better for him.

I'm scared shitless emotionally, but logically I know I can do it just fine. We already do. I'm meeting with a program this coming week to find out about placement for him to see what 'level' he is on for each subject so they can help us find better fitting curriculums. I know I'll have MUCH better support with this program and will have a place to turn to if we get stuck. But if any of you fine ladies have curriculum suggestions for a 3rd grader- I'm all ears!
by on Mar. 18, 2018 at 10:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Leissaintexas
by Silver Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 1:54 PM
Takehim out now and don't rush into a curriculum for this year. Consider it summer and just allow him to deschool. Deschooling is a good idea for the entire family, actually.

I would consider reading Cathy Duffy's book 101 Top Homeschool Picks just yo give you an idea of his learning style and ehat might be a good fit.
Thewife06
by Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 3:41 PM
Thank you. I called and talked with the school principal today, she didn't even know anything had happened. Yeah, he didn't go to school today. My husband told me that we should give her a chance to find out why she wasn't informed, especially if the bully was sent to the office for punching our son. If they move the bully out of the classroom, he wants our son to finish out the school year. If they don't, he's done as well.

Quoting Leissaintexas: Takehim out now and don't rush into a curriculum for this year. Consider it summer and just allow him to deschool. Deschooling is a good idea for the entire family, actually.

I would consider reading Cathy Duffy's book 101 Top Homeschool Picks just yo give you an idea of his learning style and ehat might be a good fit.
Oddyssey
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 11:07 AM
Personally, I would take him out anyway. There's obviously something fishy if the principal had no knowledge of the incident.

Not to mention the fact that IF the bully is moved, they will probably want to get back at your son for tattling on them. Or someone else will bully him. Since he didn't fight back (and I'm not saying he should) he's going to be seen as an easy target for years to come. Kids are ruthless. And that school sounds like they have a few too many cogs loose. But that's my 2 cents. Good luck!
Thewife06
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 11:52 AM
I want to, but my husband wants him to 'stick it out' until the end of the year unless there's another incident. I flat out told the school principal that if the other child lays so much as a single finger on my child, they will be losing their funding for my child because I'm disenrolling him and will be filing a police report. She didn't say anything other than 'understood.' And my child has been told that if he gets hit again, he is to repeat 'call my mom' until they do so. And if they don't, they know they will have to deal with me after school.

The school also knows that I will be popping in periodically, and not for the purpose of helping out with stuff as I usually do. I'm done in the teacher's workroom, I'm done tutoring students who are struggling, I'm done sorting paperwork, I'm just done. I even told my husband 'you do realize that I volunteer at the school a bunch so that I can see what's going on with our child, right? I was there all the time in kindergarten, I backed off at the start of first grade, and look what happened then. As soon as I was up their asses, things got better. Now this year I haven't been able to be there as much and again, there are issues. Now I'm just going to go sit on my ass in the classroom and be a supervisor periodically.'

It just dawned on me at how often they have me tutor kids and help them with struggling subjects when I go in... the fact that I help teach the kids in the school may have been why they didn't say anything about me disenrolling my child if it happens again. There's no fear that I don't know what I'm doing. And yet, I'm still scared shitless.

I don't think anyone else will turn around and bully him. Most of the kids are very well behaved and it's this one child who causes a whole host of issues. Even the other 'mean' kid in class, all anyone has to say is 'that's not nice!' or 'be easy' And he turns his actions around. He's just rough, not purposely mean. And that doesn't phase me or my son. Our biggest issues lie with a single bully and the school's inability to kee her away from my son.

If I weren't up the school's ass though, I have a feeling my child would be having a MUCH harder time than he is now. Because the squeaky wheel gets the grease and I've been more than squeaky about this issue.

Quoting Oddyssey: Personally, I would take him out anyway. There's obviously something fishy if the principal had no knowledge of the incident.

Not to mention the fact that IF the bully is moved, they will probably want to get back at your son for tattling on them. Or someone else will bully him. Since he didn't fight back (and I'm not saying he should) he's going to be seen as an easy target for years to come. Kids are ruthless. And that school sounds like they have a few too many cogs loose. But that's my 2 cents. Good luck!
196420031976
by on Mar. 20, 2018 at 1:23 PM

Here's my two cents worth on your situation; take it with a grain of salt.

You stated in your post that your son has been dealing with this bullying issue all year long, so I'm assuming that's around seven months at this point. Your husband wants to give the teacher a chance to explain why you weren't even notified about this latest bullying incident, and the principal didn't even know anything about it. Something should have been done about this problem by now. I would be done giving them chances and would remove my child immediately.

You also stated that you've already made your decision to homeschool next year. And that this latest incident "may have sped up the process." Yet your husband wants your son to "stick it out." I'm wondering if your husband possibly has an issue with  not wanting to view your son being a quitter, or he needs to toughen up, etc. (This is NOT what I think)

I would be wondering as well how many other incidences have occurred over the last seven months that you've never been made aware of.  My child told me about all kinds of crappy things that happened to her at the school after being removed.

Also, from what you stated, this school sounds like it is lacking in challenging academics. Then there is the fact that you've said that he doesn't even want to read anymore. It sounds like the bullying problem is spilling over and is having a negative effect on his wanting to learn. That's really sad.

Obviously, your husband isn't taking everything into consideration.

I removed my child eight years ago due to bullying by students, and I walked in on her teacher bullying her. Our local district is a total fail. They don't enforce their no-bullying policy, and I wasn't willing to subject my child to anymore abuse. My child was in TAG, but there was no academic challenge. I was afraid that her love of learning would be diminished due to the negative environment.

Good luck to your son.




cafemomuser57
by on Mar. 20, 2018 at 2:27 PM

Sorry for ya'll to be experiencing this. The schooling years can be trying enough without having to deal with those issues. My suggestion is to call the school & ask to schedule 2 meetings; 1 between yourselves (you, husband, & child), your child's teacher(s), & the school principal to calmly discuss the issues going on with your child's disinterest in subjects he used to enjoy & other curriculum/teacher issues. I know first-hand from my own children's experiences that the teacher can make or break the school year. And I don't mean to be coming down on teachers because I have a high regard & respect for them, but they are human & sometimes there are a few thorns amongst the roses. The 2nd meeting I recommend is between yourselves (again, all of you), the teachers, the principal, & the bullying child's parents & child. It sounds like this has been going on for a while & needs to be addressed. If you still feel after these meetings that you definitely want to homeschool your child before the end of the current school year, then at least you know you have done everything you could do from your end. I homeschooled my kids for several years. There are a lot of resources available. I've copied a link with some helpful information for you. Best wishes to you & your family. 

http://bit.ly/2DHxdYI


free2bme579
by on Mar. 20, 2018 at 9:11 PM

You are understandably frustrated and angry. You want to protect your child. It is not a good feeling when you feel like no one at school seems to be paying attention to what is happening to your son. 

I know from personal experience that when a principal doesn't want to see your point of view it can be exhausting and seem futile. However, you do have options:  

1. Make an appointment with a reputable counselor who can get your son to talk about all that is going on in his mind and life.

2. Write a very clear and professional letter to the superintendent of the school district letting him know what is going on at your son's school. In your letter state that you are drawing his attention to this matter because it has escalated. Inform him that you have spoken to the principal and that the principal seems willing to help. State clearly and concisely what has occured and state your recommended solution to the problem. 

3.  Only move yoru son from his school if he is in danger. As moms, we want to remove our kids if they are not being treated properly. I UNDERSTAND that. I frequently did that. However, when do we teach oru children to deal with difficult people in life if we remove them from difficult people and dificult situations? Again, I am not talking about dangerous situations. 

I know this is hard for you and it is hard for him. This is a teachable moment. Fortunately, there are not very many weeks of school left. If you are not pleased with the outcome, plan calmly and rationally to homeschool in the Fall, 

gramabrenda
by Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 2:33 PM
Is there any redeeming factor to this situation to teach your child how to become a good citizen? If not then I think you and your husband should consider ending the school year and "deschool".  First of all, parents really need to agree even to agree to disagree and support the other parent. Please discuss this important decision and determine the course of action together. Third grade is so important.
 
Third grade students are finishing up learning the basics. Four grade begins application of those basics-but you can make it up next year by reviewing/relearning on the basics if need be and a little catching up is needed. I am praying that your son will be able, with his parents encouragement, to put this behind him and go forward. Children at this age can be fairly resilient with a right attitude from the parents. I suggest  a "this has been tough, but what did we learn approach. Please teach forgiveness and understanding. There are some people and some situations we should really avoid and your child can learn from this.
 
My grandson was in a similar situation at about the same age. With a little encouragement he came up with some very sensible ideas for resolution and was ready to put them into action to see if they worked. His parents finally decided to remove him from the situation but some good lessons were learned and it has been interesting how he now recognizes bullying for what it is and has empathy for the victim when he sees it happening.
 
Blessings to you as you handle this. Praying for wisdom and strength for you, your husband and your son.
Thewife06
by Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 8:52 PM
I had a chance to talk to my husband. He said that yes, we are dealing with a bully, but he also has friends in the school. And a few of those friends are leaving this summer so he wants him to be able to spend the last few weeks with them.

Then he brought up how many doctors appointment I have for the next few weeks until i have our baby girl and then HE is home for a month to help us get into a rhythm of things just as school this year ends. So he is seeing it as ONE big change instead of repeated changes and adjustments. He thinks we should do all changes at once, get into our rhythm, and start homeschooling in June or July once we get the curriculum in and I have a chance to set up a game plan.

He's actually excited about homeschooling because of the freedom it's going to give us. He's glad that our son will have some freedom to choose what to learn vs 'this is what we are learning. Open your books and zip it.' Our son is SO interested in American history right now and we have the freedom to capitalize on that instead of forcing him to focus on European history before his interest is there.

When I brought up NOT wanting to get into WWII until 5th-6th grade, my husband and I talked about why and then he realized that I wanted to GO to Europe for at least a month to teach him about it. We went to the camps, the Anne Frank huis, the museums when we lived in europe and we learned SO much more than we ever could have dreamed of in a classroom. Just just something about walking through the camps that had a huge impact on us vs hearing the number of people that were killed in a classroom.

Once he heard how we were going to be able to teach with travel, on our own time, and not have someone (other than his work, that is) dictating 2 months out of the year when we can go and do this kind of stuff, it just excited him. With American history this coming school year, we are saving up for a trip to New England and hopefully can go towards the end of the year.

Now as for my son and his bully, he has gotten very vocal to the teacher about her antics. I told the school that if she so much as looked at my son wrong, I was to know about it. From THEM, not my child. suddenly there is pressure to make sure that there are no incidences to report so they are making damn sure she leaves him alone. They apparently really want their funding for his butt being in a seat.

Enrollment into the program we are using for next year is on May 1st, so I will be signing up with them that day and my son is already looking forward to Lego robotics. After talking with them, my reasons for wanting to homeschool, and me knowing how my son works and learns also is helping them help me find the right curriculum for my child. We go in on May 1st to see what grade level he is at for the subjects we are working on for the year. They think that by him being done so quickly with school work and his mind wandering that he may not be challenged enough and need a bit more advanced materials for next year. They asked me how I would feel best teaching to see if they can match up a curriculum for both of us. So I already love the help we are getting and not just forcing a set state curriculum onto my oldest. My husband's questions were answered without ANY run around so he was feeling good about them too. So I'm looking forward to starting and hopefully the school will keep the bully in check and my husband and oldest are both happy with finishing out the school year at the current school.

Quoting 196420031976:

Here's my two cents worth on your situation; take it with a grain of salt.

You stated in your post that your son has been dealing with this bullying issue all year long, so I'm assuming that's around seven months at this point. Your husband wants to give the teacher a chance to explain why you weren't even notified about this latest bullying incident, and the principal didn't even know anything about it. Something should have been done about this problem by now. I would be done giving them chances and would remove my child immediately.

You also stated that you've already made your decision to homeschool next year. And that this latest incident "may have sped up the process." Yet your husband wants your son to "stick it out." I'm wondering if your husband possibly has an issue with  not wanting to view your son being a quitter, or he needs to toughen up, etc. (This is NOT what I think)

I would be wondering as well how many other incidences have occurred over the last seven months that you've never been made aware of.  My child told me about all kinds of crappy things that happened to her at the school after being removed.

Also, from what you stated, this school sounds like it is lacking in challenging academics. Then there is the fact that you've said that he doesn't even want to read anymore. It sounds like the bullying problem is spilling over and is having a negative effect on his wanting to learn. That's really sad.

Obviously, your husband isn't taking everything into consideration.

I removed my child eight years ago due to bullying by students, and I walked in on her teacher bullying her. Our local district is a total fail. They don't enforce their no-bullying policy, and I wasn't willing to subject my child to anymore abuse. My child was in TAG, but there was no academic challenge. I was afraid that her love of learning would be diminished due to the negative environment.

Good luck to your son.

Thewife06
by Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 9:01 PM
I think I have made myself very clear with the school. They are falling all over themselves to keep the bully away from my child. So long as they keep that up, I'm ok with him finishing out the school year. But the next time she lays a finger on my child, they're losing their funding for my child and we will finish out the year as independent homeschoolers. It's pretty sad how they've lost a huge supporter over issues that could have been avoided by simply not allowing a bullly to treat other children the way she does.

Quoting cafemomuser57:

Sorry for ya'll to be experiencing this. The schooling years can be trying enough without having to deal with those issues. My suggestion is to call the school & ask to schedule 2 meetings; 1 between yourselves (you, husband, & child), your child's teacher(s), & the school principal to calmly discuss the issues going on with your child's disinterest in subjects he used to enjoy & other curriculum/teacher issues. I know first-hand from my own children's experiences that the teacher can make or break the school year. And I don't mean to be coming down on teachers because I have a high regard & respect for them, but they are human & sometimes there are a few thorns amongst the roses. The 2nd meeting I recommend is between yourselves (again, all of you), the teachers, the principal, & the bullying child's parents & child. It sounds like this has been going on for a while & needs to be addressed. If you still feel after these meetings that you definitely want to homeschool your child before the end of the current school year, then at least you know you have done everything you could do from your end. I homeschooled my kids for several years. There are a lot of resources available. I've copied a link with some helpful information for you. Best wishes to you & your family. 

http://bit.ly/2DHxdYI

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