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Okay, I NEED To Put An End To This ***EDIT

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 10:06 PM
  • 99 Replies

So, i just found out that my son's favorite tv show is coming to our state on tour again, they were just here at the beginning of February and he loved it, but his dad wanted to go but it was too late to get him a ticket. so i told him as soon as i found out this time and he said he wanted to go but then he asked me if his girlfriend and her daughter could go with us.... Aside from that being really innapropriate it's not fair to my son. His dad never takes him anywhere to do anything, and whenever he has "plans" to take him anywhere something magically comes up and he has to cancel. But he is always able to do stuff with his girlfriend and her daughter. I told him that i dont care if they go, since it's a public event, but they are to be nowhere near us and if they go he is to be nowhere near DS while we're there, not even to just say hi. they arent allowed to go with us, and they arent allowed around my son. Him and this girl have been dating for 3 months and the concert isnt until november. Like, his dad doesnt do anything with DS and if i ask him if he wants to do anything with us or even just DS (even if its just church or something small) he makes it a qualification that his girlfriend and her daughter go along. I dont want anything to do with this girl and i dont want my son having anything to do with her or her daughter until they're so serious that they're about to get married. He's always doing this and i hate that he puts his girlfriend and her kid before his son. and it seems that everyone except him can see that he's doing this and i'm the only one with balls to tell him. What do i do? i cant stop him from seeing her but i just need to do something. my son deserves so much better

Edit:

There were so many replies and i didnt go through to read every single one of them. what i failed to mention is that my son is only 19 months old. he doesnt completely understand what is going on here. i told his dad that if his girlfriend and her kid go then he needs to stay away from us because then my son will understand that daddy's there and then he'll understand that daddy is leaving him to go sit with some other kid. we dont get along, we dont do anything together with our son so all the "false hope" comments are irrelevant here. but thank you. and yeah i'm controlling him a little bit, but him and this girl have been together THREE MONTHS, i dont think she needs to be around my son at all yet and we had an agreement right after (or right before, i cant remember now) our son was born that any SO's will not be around our son until an engagement has happened or we both agree that DS can meet them. Like i said, my son 19 months, he's too young to "choose" and i dont want him to have to choose. he's too young to stand up for himself. its clear when his dad is over that he craves his attention. half the time his dad comes over (per our agreement, we havent gone to court for custody yet, we're in the middle of that process) his dad is on his phone the whole time and not even paying attention to DS. So sometimes a mom has to stand up for her child...

by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kris_PBG
by Representative on Apr. 3, 2012 at 10:16 PM
2 moms liked this
Ok -so he wants to take his son alOng with his gf and her child?

If that is what the situation is, I don't know how you have grounds to stop it... If that is his visitation time, it is his choice...
TreysMom827
by Member on Apr. 4, 2012 at 1:05 AM
1 mom liked this

i always forget it include this lol but we dont have any kind of custody arrangement. it would honestly be totally different and i might feel differently if he actually took care of DS and spent time with him. he doesnt do that and half the time when he's over he doesnt even pay attention to DS so i dont know how he is when DS goes to his house. he never takes DS anywhere, and i know thats not something he HAS to do to be a good dad, but if he's taking his girlfriends kid out places and doing stuff with them i dont see why he cant do that for his own son ya know?

Quoting Kris_PBG:

Ok -so he wants to take his son alOng with his gf and her child?

If that is what the situation is, I don't know how you have grounds to stop it... If that is his visitation time, it is his choice...


Kris_PBG
by Representative on Apr. 4, 2012 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting TreysMom827:




I understand that - but if you are offering that time, it is his time to spend with his child as he pleases. With or without his gf and her child.
conniejo75
by on Apr. 4, 2012 at 1:12 AM
16 moms liked this
Having been dealing with this for 15 yrs... you need to stop trying to control the situation between him and his son. If he wants to have his gf and her daughter go to, it is in no way going to hurt your son. By november they may not even be together... and if they are it will be almost a yr together. Pick your battles or you will be miserable. Trust me.
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Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Apr. 4, 2012 at 1:29 AM

^^ I have to agree with the ladies ^^

TreysMom827
by Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:27 AM

No, because at this point he's picking his gf and her kid over his own son, its not about the concert its about the situation in general. If they were to go to the concert his dad would be focused on his girlfriend and her kid the whole time instead of paying attention to his son. Tonight made it VERY clear where his priorities lie. He told me tonight that on Easter him and his mom and all of his friends will be spending the day with his girlfriend and her kid instead of his own kid. Now, i dont care what his friends do, but i do care that my son's dad and my son's grandmother would rather be spending a holiday with this girl and her child. So, when he told me that i decided i'm dropping the Easter thing and if he doesnt contact me to see DS at all then i know who is important to him and who isnt

Quoting conniejo75:

Having been dealing with this for 15 yrs... you need to stop trying to control the situation between him and his son. If he wants to have his gf and her daughter go to, it is in no way going to hurt your son. By november they may not even be together... and if they are it will be almost a yr together. Pick your battles or you will be miserable. Trust me.


conniejo75
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:34 AM
2 moms liked this
You need a custody sched. My ex doesnt see or speak to his kids if my holiday... his choice, not mine. Do i wish he would make more effort? Of course, but it isnt my relationship... it is between the kids and their dad. Time will tell. But you need to quit trying to control the situation... his true colors will show, and the more you push, you will be the one looking like the bad guy and not him. Your ex's POV will be he wasnt allowed to see his son because you were controlling when he could see him and what he can do.


Quoting TreysMom827:

No, because at this point he's picking his gf and her kid over his own son, its not about the concert its about the situation in general. If they were to go to the concert his dad would be focused on his girlfriend and her kid the whole time instead of paying attention to his son. Tonight made it VERY clear where his priorities lie. He told me tonight that on Easter him and his mom and all of his friends will be spending the day with his girlfriend and her kid instead of his own kid. Now, i dont care what his friends do, but i do care that my son's dad and my son's grandmother would rather be spending a holiday with this girl and her child. So, when he told me that i decided i'm dropping the Easter thing and if he doesnt contact me to see DS at all then i know who is important to him and who isnt


Quoting conniejo75:

Having been dealing with this for 15 yrs... you need to stop trying to control the situation between him and his son. If he wants to have his gf and her daughter go to, it is in no way going to hurt your son. By november they may not even be together... and if they are it will be almost a yr together. Pick your battles or you will be miserable. Trust me.



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charliebean
by Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:40 AM
4 moms liked this
Here come the "they're dating so it's okay" replies. I agree with you tho, that it's wrong that he can make time for his GF and her kid but barely any time for his own son, and if he does make time time his son, he wants to include his GF and her kid so he's never actually spending any one-on-one time with him. That's messed up.
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Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:42 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm in agreement with this.

You are trying to force a relationship between Dad and Son that isn't there, and that will bite you in the butt down the road.  You want to protect your son, but you can't save him from everything.  Sooner or later he'll have to deal with the reality of who his dad is and what kind of relationship they have.

A better approach would be to make your son available to his dad, but get a scheduled arrangement so it isn't entirely unpredictable.  Then, be there for your son when he comes home from dad's.  Don't ever lie to him, but don't talk bad, either.  Let your son grow and make his own conclusions.  Trust him and let him grow.  He may be young now, but kids are far more perceptive than we give them credit for, and he is probably already figuring out the dynamics here.

Yes, it will break your heart sometimes.  And yes, your son will have time where he is hurting.  But it'll be far worse if you try to control and force things.

Quoting conniejo75:

You need a custody sched. My ex doesnt see or speak to his kids if my holiday... his choice, not mine. Do i wish he would make more effort? Of course, but it isnt my relationship... it is between the kids and their dad. Time will tell. But you need to quit trying to control the situation... his true colors will show, and the more you push, you will be the one looking like the bad guy and not him. Your ex's POV will be he wasnt allowed to see his son because you were controlling when he could see him and what he can do.


Quoting TreysMom827:

No, because at this point he's picking his gf and her kid over his own son, its not about the concert its about the situation in general. If they were to go to the concert his dad would be focused on his girlfriend and her kid the whole time instead of paying attention to his son. Tonight made it VERY clear where his priorities lie. He told me tonight that on Easter him and his mom and all of his friends will be spending the day with his girlfriend and her kid instead of his own kid. Now, i dont care what his friends do, but i do care that my son's dad and my son's grandmother would rather be spending a holiday with this girl and her child. So, when he told me that i decided i'm dropping the Easter thing and if he doesnt contact me to see DS at all then i know who is important to him and who isnt


Quoting conniejo75:

Having been dealing with this for 15 yrs... you need to stop trying to control the situation between him and his son. If he wants to have his gf and her daughter go to, it is in no way going to hurt your son. By november they may not even be together... and if they are it will be almost a yr together. Pick your battles or you will be miserable. Trust me.




sherry132
by Sherry on Apr. 5, 2012 at 3:00 AM
8 moms liked this

I hate to tell you this but, you have the entire wrong opinion. Completely utterly wrong.

I've been divorced for more than a decade and I'm telling you, you are robbing your son of his time with his dad for purely selfish reasons. There is no reason you should be so hateful... unless this woman has caused some type of physical harm to your son. 

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