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Were we wrong or is this a power play on her part?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:29 PM
  • 27 Replies

 I have to give a little background information before I can actually ask my question, so please, bear with me.

Our two year old was sick last week.  He vomited twice during the night...no fever, and the vomiting occurred with about an hour between the bouts.  Our four year old got sick in the middle of the night and dealt with tummy issues the next three days.

Now, I'm not new to this....When I take them to the doctor with occurances like this one we are told...the vomiting is not continuous and, therefore, not a threat for dehydration and there is no fever...so due to his age there is no meds to give him at this point.  Push water and tylenol if a fever develops but isn't over 100 degrees.  The virus has to run its course.

So I keep my husband updated thru the week and, of course, he tells his mom and dad.  The third day of our four year old being sick his father asks him about us taking Noah (4 yr old) and Zane (2 yr old) to the doctor.  My hubby explains that the doctor is only going to charge us $50 and send us home because there is no fever or threat of dehydration.  His father agrees and the subject is dropped.

They were feeling better, neither one had vomited in 2 days and the belly problems were gone so we allowed them to spend the night at hubby's mom and dad's house.  That next morning we get a phone call at 7 am telling us that Zane is sick and that his mom is going to take them both to the doctor.  My husband asks her about picking them up and bringing them home...she tells him there is no need to do that and that she is planning on taking them to a health clinic and get them checked out.  Then explains that the boys being sick isn't anything we've done wrong. (WHAT?)

So two hours later we call and they have just gotten to the clinic...we explain that since the boys are sick we are going to go pick up their things and that they can just bring the boys home after the appointment. 

We get a call after the appointment has ended.  His mom gets upset and starts crying.  She says that she wants to take the boys home because Noah is wanting to play there and that their great aunt is planning on coming over and she wanted them to visit.  Hubby told her if the boys are sick they should be home where we have pedilite and yogurt for them to enjoy and can lay down and be comfortable.  He tells her he loves her but that the boys are sick and need to be at home.  She hangs up with a pause before telling him she loves him.

She then calls us back and asks if it's okay for her to take them by McDonalds on the way home.  He tells her the food is too greasy and will only upset their bellies more and that we have chicken noodle soup here that they can have for lunch.  She, then, says that she is just going to take them back to her house so they can play.  My hubby says No, that doesn't make sense...they were sick enough that you thought they should go to the doctor...so they need to come home and rest.  He tells her she can have them over next weekend to make up for this weekend not going well.

They bring them home.  She sits on our couch complaining about how she had shortened her weekend with them and my hubby reassures her that she can watch them the upcoming weekend and that we wished they hadn't gotten sick on her weekend.  She responds with," I don't know if I can watch them next weekend I might have plans."

The boys did not have an issue all day that day in our care...they played like normal and ate like normal ( a little better than normal for one)

I,now, firmly believe that what has happened is she decided since we "wouldn't" take them to the doctor thru the week that she would take them during her weekend to try to show us what a bad job we are doing as parents. ( Why else would she have said,"We didn't do anything wrong." ? ) This was ruined,though,because the doctors told them the EXACT thing that my hubby told her they would.   She presented us with a bill and my hubby is considering re-imbursing her for it.  Not to mention that when we went to pick their things up...their sleeping bags were folded and put away. (She claimed that she washed them when hubby said I was going to)  Just today she told him that Zane never actually threw up...so is this a power play or what is going on?

Now, she is barely talking to my husband at all.  How were we wrong to have them bring the boys home?  We didn't want to leave the boys with their grandparents if they were sick...that is our responsibility not theirs ( not to mention that if your child is sick...don't you want them home where you can care for them? ) and the offer still stands to let them come over this weekend to make up for last weekend's interrupted visit...I don't see it happening though, because she won't commit to it and I think she is trying to make my hubby feel bad for having the boys brought home.

What do you think?  What is going on with this?  How were we wrong or is it her?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LML1
by Kristy on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:56 PM
3 moms liked this

Sounds like your MIL is having a power trip.

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:34 PM
4 moms liked this

 you weren't wrong in any way.

MommaStephens
by New Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:45 PM
2 moms liked this

You know what if it was my MOM or MIL either way Id let her have her temper tantrum, pout for a bit and let her come back and make peace when she was ready to be an ADULT. She lied, and then had a fit when things didnt go like shed planned in her head. This isnt high school she needs to leave the drama at the door. As far as reimbursing Id split the bill with her because there your kids but she chose to ignore you and take them to the dr so half is fair. Stop feeding her tantrum by trying to smooth it over about a visit next weekend. Next time you mention it and she gives an excuse just simply and politely say "Ok well when your ready for them to visit again let us know and well arrange it" and with that youve stopped playing her game.  

latestarter
by Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Hubby has done all the "dealing" with her.  He keeps telling her that it isn't personal and I think it bothers him that she is upset- so he keeps trying to smooth it over with her.  I told him today...to let her have her little fit and get over it.  The last time that happened though she made him feel guilty for months by saying we never ask her to watch them...and she WON'T ask to have them over...she just complains to her hubby til he asks for them.  The last time it was six months before my FIL asked my hubby to have the boys over.  I've told him I wouldn't reimburse her...we objected to the doctor visit because it was unneccessary...she insisted...he is on unemployment and I haven't been able to find work in this area...so the money is desperately needed for the other bills not the ones that his mom decides to inflict on us.  Don't get me wrong...if the boys had a fever of 100 or more...emergency room...or if they had continuous vomiting or diarrhea...emergency room...but just because MIL wants to play mommy...don't think I should have to cover that...

Quoting MommaStephens:

You know what if it was my MOM or MIL either way Id let her have her temper tantrum, pout for a bit and let her come back and make peace when she was ready to be an ADULT. She lied, and then had a fit when things didnt go like shed planned in her head. This isnt high school she needs to leave the drama at the door. As far as reimbursing Id split the bill with her because there your kids but she chose to ignore you and take them to the dr so half is fair. Stop feeding her tantrum by trying to smooth it over about a visit next weekend. Next time you mention it and she gives an excuse just simply and politely say "Ok well when your ready for them to visit again let us know and well arrange it" and with that youve stopped playing her game.  


katarina666
by New Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:18 PM
2 moms liked this

Obviously this woman is the type that thinks its  all about her.And you must do as she says or else she will guilt you.Dont play that game.Go ahead and reinburse them for the clinic if you can aford it.If you cant dont let them guilty you into it.You had all ready taken them to the doctor ,that should have been enough.Dont let this interfearing woman make you misserable.Your the parent not she.Ypu decide what you want when it comes to your children,not her.Discuss this with her and be firm.If she gets pissy and acts all offended its just an act.Controling women play it all the time.Dont fall for it.

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:25 PM
1 mom liked this
She sounds out if control.

If my kids were out and became sick, they would come home, immediately and dh abdvibwiukd determinecwhatcwas needed in regards to medical care. No one else.

I would not let my children in her care until I felt it was a situation I could trust again and i would not reimburse her for the visit she took them to without your permission.
GodchickwithMS
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 10:25 AM
1 mom liked this

 I am new here, so maybe I don't know the whole story, but I always have thought that, unless there is a Court-Order, my child spending time with his Grandparents, is a privelege, not a right. Your MIL sounds very controlling and manipulative! I woudn't "reward" her for bad behavior, and I certainly would NEVER reimburse her! Again, I don't know your story, but my Husband and/or I are/am the only ones to take our child to the Doctor. She seems to have too much say in things?

the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Personally, I wouldn't reimburse her, since they weren't really sick.
It is a power trip.
But I also think you handled it well. You did fine. Don't stress!
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MommaStephens
by New Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Agreed if money is tight then shes fully responsible for acting on her own against your wishes in that case.Maybe he needs to go to there house sit them both down and tell her how it is. Discuss how you guys choose to parent and that she had her chance to parent with her own kids and to just relax and enjoy being a grandma. My MIL only gets supervised daytime visits due to choices shes made which is totally diff than your situation and is a bit drastic but had to be done per her life choices knowing full well the consequences. Maybe if he just lays it on the line for her and lets her say her little bit itll finally be done with. I think you made the right choice and she made the wrong one and I also think shes knows it. He needs to tell her if she wants them over then she will need to invite them over because you dont want to inconvenience her by bringing them uninvited that will put the ball in her court as far as seeing them. Tell her if shed like to watch them to feel free to call and offer to do it and youd be happy to let her do so but unless you need a babysitter you are not going to call and ask if she wants to watch them because again you dont want to inconvenience her. Then the next time she says you never let me watch them just say well you never called and asked to im not a mind reader and didnt need a babysitter so how was i to know. I hope things work out and this is soon resolved. :) 

Quoting latestarter:

Hubby has done all the "dealing" with her.  He keeps telling her that it isn't personal and I think it bothers him that she is upset- so he keeps trying to smooth it over with her.  I told him today...to let her have her little fit and get over it.  The last time that happened though she made him feel guilty for months by saying we never ask her to watch them...and she WON'T ask to have them over...she just complains to her hubby til he asks for them.  The last time it was six months before my FIL asked my hubby to have the boys over.  I've told him I wouldn't reimburse her...we objected to the doctor visit because it was unneccessary...she insisted...he is on unemployment and I haven't been able to find work in this area...so the money is desperately needed for the other bills not the ones that his mom decides to inflict on us.  Don't get me wrong...if the boys had a fever of 100 or more...emergency room...or if they had continuous vomiting or diarrhea...emergency room...but just because MIL wants to play mommy...don't think I should have to cover that...

Quoting MommaStephens:

You know what if it was my MOM or MIL either way Id let her have her temper tantrum, pout for a bit and let her come back and make peace when she was ready to be an ADULT. She lied, and then had a fit when things didnt go like shed planned in her head. This isnt high school she needs to leave the drama at the door. As far as reimbursing Id split the bill with her because there your kids but she chose to ignore you and take them to the dr so half is fair. Stop feeding her tantrum by trying to smooth it over about a visit next weekend. Next time you mention it and she gives an excuse just simply and politely say "Ok well when your ready for them to visit again let us know and well arrange it" and with that youve stopped playing her game.  



shany76
by New Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:11 PM
2 moms liked this

all I have too say is "wow'...I thought my In-laws were bad!! "EveryBody Loves Raymond" just came as a thought in my head..lol.

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