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Were we wrong or is this a power play on her part?

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 I have to give a little background information before I can actually ask my question, so please, bear with me.

Our two year old was sick last week.  He vomited twice during the night...no fever, and the vomiting occurred with about an hour between the bouts.  Our four year old got sick in the middle of the night and dealt with tummy issues the next three days.

Now, I'm not new to this....When I take them to the doctor with occurances like this one we are told...the vomiting is not continuous and, therefore, not a threat for dehydration and there is no fever...so due to his age there is no meds to give him at this point.  Push water and tylenol if a fever develops but isn't over 100 degrees.  The virus has to run its course.

So I keep my husband updated thru the week and, of course, he tells his mom and dad.  The third day of our four year old being sick his father asks him about us taking Noah (4 yr old) and Zane (2 yr old) to the doctor.  My hubby explains that the doctor is only going to charge us $50 and send us home because there is no fever or threat of dehydration.  His father agrees and the subject is dropped.

They were feeling better, neither one had vomited in 2 days and the belly problems were gone so we allowed them to spend the night at hubby's mom and dad's house.  That next morning we get a phone call at 7 am telling us that Zane is sick and that his mom is going to take them both to the doctor.  My husband asks her about picking them up and bringing them home...she tells him there is no need to do that and that she is planning on taking them to a health clinic and get them checked out.  Then explains that the boys being sick isn't anything we've done wrong. (WHAT?)

So two hours later we call and they have just gotten to the clinic...we explain that since the boys are sick we are going to go pick up their things and that they can just bring the boys home after the appointment. 

We get a call after the appointment has ended.  His mom gets upset and starts crying.  She says that she wants to take the boys home because Noah is wanting to play there and that their great aunt is planning on coming over and she wanted them to visit.  Hubby told her if the boys are sick they should be home where we have pedilite and yogurt for them to enjoy and can lay down and be comfortable.  He tells her he loves her but that the boys are sick and need to be at home.  She hangs up with a pause before telling him she loves him.

She then calls us back and asks if it's okay for her to take them by McDonalds on the way home.  He tells her the food is too greasy and will only upset their bellies more and that we have chicken noodle soup here that they can have for lunch.  She, then, says that she is just going to take them back to her house so they can play.  My hubby says No, that doesn't make sense...they were sick enough that you thought they should go to the doctor...so they need to come home and rest.  He tells her she can have them over next weekend to make up for this weekend not going well.

They bring them home.  She sits on our couch complaining about how she had shortened her weekend with them and my hubby reassures her that she can watch them the upcoming weekend and that we wished they hadn't gotten sick on her weekend.  She responds with," I don't know if I can watch them next weekend I might have plans."

The boys did not have an issue all day that day in our care...they played like normal and ate like normal ( a little better than normal for one)

I,now, firmly believe that what has happened is she decided since we "wouldn't" take them to the doctor thru the week that she would take them during her weekend to try to show us what a bad job we are doing as parents. ( Why else would she have said,"We didn't do anything wrong." ? ) This was ruined,though,because the doctors told them the EXACT thing that my hubby told her they would.   She presented us with a bill and my hubby is considering re-imbursing her for it.  Not to mention that when we went to pick their things up...their sleeping bags were folded and put away. (She claimed that she washed them when hubby said I was going to)  Just today she told him that Zane never actually threw up...so is this a power play or what is going on?

Now, she is barely talking to my husband at all.  How were we wrong to have them bring the boys home?  We didn't want to leave the boys with their grandparents if they were sick...that is our responsibility not theirs ( not to mention that if your child is sick...don't you want them home where you can care for them? ) and the offer still stands to let them come over this weekend to make up for last weekend's interrupted visit...I don't see it happening though, because she won't commit to it and I think she is trying to make my hubby feel bad for having the boys brought home.

What do you think?  What is going on with this?  How were we wrong or is it her?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:29 PM
Replies (21-27):
latestarter
by Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 6:02 PM

She took both boys- said that our 4 year old was sneezing-(he has allergies, which she's been told about and the doctor reinformed her of on this visit) and got herself checked out as well.  She had been trying to get my hubby to take them all week and he just stood firm with the "no fever,ect." response because we knew that it was going to be a pointless visit.  I think it was to make us look like bad parents but who knows maybe she's a hypochondriac...doesn't make any sense to me either.  She hasn't spoke to my hubby for almost a week now.  I've also asked that my hubby not consent to them taking our kids to the doctor again...I found out after the phone call had ended that it was happening and wasn't consulted until it was all in motion.  Made me a little angry to be left out of the decision but I thought maybe when the doc said what we had -that maybe she'd listen the next time.

Don't let your mom get to you...you know the job you did with your son and no one can take that satisfaction away from you.  Big hugs

Quoting zeesmuse:

If your child didn't throw up, why did she take him to the doctor???


While I would reimburse her FOR the bill, I would really pitch a stink that he wasn't sick and from now on not allow them to take hte kids to the doctors.


sometimes, our parents think they are better parents than we are. I managed toraise my son to be a healthy, consciencious 24 year old man and my mom still thinks I'm an awful mom.


lynettemommie4
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 6:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldnt reimburse her. she choose to bring them to the doctor therefore shes responsible. and i dont think yall were wrong. she shouldn't have overstepped like she did.

calusari
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Your hubby and I must be related, because I could envision my mother pulling something like that!

You and hubby were right on the money; has she behaved like this before? I would be very careful with her...if she is willing to lie to you two in order to get what she wants, what else is she willing to do?

latestarter
by Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 7:48 PM

She has done other things- tried to talk my hubby out of marrying me (said I put a spell on him to make him love me), encourages my hubby to divorce me everytime we have a disagreement and said that she would help him take our oldest child away from me, told me she liked one picture that our boys took this year because they look like REAL brothers in it (they have the same mother and father how much realer does it get?), started screaming at me at eight months pregnant for telling her she didn't have to ask for permission to give Noah a drink, started a fight with me for responding to her "playful" statement that she wasn't going to give my son back with an equally playful statement of "give me my baby" in which she told everyone she was playing but that I wasn't and if I was...she couldn't tell it.  She lies all the time and LOVES drama...she actually went out this weekend and took her sister to her husband's mistress's house to start a fight between them.  I put nothing past her...sorry your mom treats you in  a similar way

Quoting calusari:

Your hubby and I must be related, because I could envision my mother pulling something like that!

You and hubby were right on the money; has she behaved like this before? I would be very careful with her...if she is willing to lie to you two in order to get what she wants, what else is she willing to do?


calusari
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:32 AM

Holy crap! How can you deal with all of that nonsense? I would have to remove her from my life and the lives of my children if she brought such chaos to it.

My mom is more the kind who bad mouths members of the family (my sister, my dad) to me, which tells me that she is bad mouthing me to one/both of them. She tells others what a terrible mother I am, yet she tells me to my face how lucky my kids are. She didn't like the fact that my husband and I have several children; she came into town when I went in for the induction for my youngest son's birth (to "help" my oldest daughter take care of the other kids while I was in labor), but left town without even coming to the hospital to see me or meet her new grandson...crap like that.

I do not actively try to involve her in my children's lives; she is a good grandmother to my oldest daughter (she was the first grandchild, maybe that's why she adores her so) but she  pretty much sucks with the rest of them. We no longer go there for Christmas, which used to be a tradition; we haven't been in 5 years. I don't invite them to the kids' birthday parties or school concerts or anything like that. I love her, but I think my kids are better off.

latestarter
by Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:48 PM

wow...sounds like they were cut from the same cloth...I only see her when I have to...so basicly holidays and when she brings the boys home from stay over night.  Then she sits and talks to me about how bad my SIL is and how her other son does everything while my SIL does nothing.  She loves Noah and coddles him but she leaves Zane with their grandpa most of the time...thank goodness Pete (FIL) loves the boys but you can tell there isn't the same amount of affection for the boys from her.  I just wish she would grow up and stop acting like a high school girl on a power trip.  Until that time I keep my mouth shut unless something really big happens (pick my battles) and try to ignore her.  :(  Not the relationship I wanted with my inlaws.

Quoting calusari:

Holy crap! How can you deal with all of that nonsense? I would have to remove her from my life and the lives of my children if she brought such chaos to it.

My mom is more the kind who bad mouths members of the family (my sister, my dad) to me, which tells me that she is bad mouthing me to one/both of them. She tells others what a terrible mother I am, yet she tells me to my face how lucky my kids are. She didn't like the fact that my husband and I have several children; she came into town when I went in for the induction for my youngest son's birth (to "help" my oldest daughter take care of the other kids while I was in labor), but left town without even coming to the hospital to see me or meet her new grandson...crap like that.

I do not actively try to involve her in my children's lives; she is a good grandmother to my oldest daughter (she was the first grandchild, maybe that's why she adores her so) but she  pretty much sucks with the rest of them. We no longer go there for Christmas, which used to be a tradition; we haven't been in 5 years. I don't invite them to the kids' birthday parties or school concerts or anything like that. I love her, but I think my kids are better off.


MommyOK
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting LML1:

Sounds like your MIL is having a power trip.

big time....

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