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what would you do?????

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 1:46 PM
  • 10 Replies

my mil and i dont get along at all, since the very begining she has not liked me I have 3 kids and not once in 5 years has she offered to babysit them even 1 time. I think bcuz she dsnt want me and my hubby to have alone time.

anyway, we lived with her for a yr and 1/2 while we were trying to buy a house. but we paid EVERYTHING bcuz she has never had a job in her life, she doesnt even drive.   Her husband got sick and went back to colombia whre they are from. she chose to stay with the reason she didnt want to leave my kids. but she never even sees them?? so that doesnt make since. she thought she would be able to move with us when we got our house but i was like no way so she moved with a lady she knew from church, where she talked so much crap abt me i cant even show my face there and also to all my husbands fam back in colombia. they never even met me but think im the biggest btch ever (which im totally not!)    so now the lady she lives with got married and is moving out. she has been watching after an elderly lady on the wkends but she dsnt make enough $ to survive on her own.

NOOOWWW her huband has been alone there for 3yrs so he got him a new girlfriend and shes all playing the victim like ahh poor me my husband cheated blahbla when we all kno its her own fault. so he sold their apt and gave her 1/2 which is 25,000. (that doesnt last long in miami).     now she wants to rent an apt. but she doesnt have papers so she wants to put everything in my husbands name. he has busted his as to build his credit and buy our house and i dont want anything in his name bc if she gets deported or anything happens with her money he will be responsible. how do i not let this happen with out them all looking at me like im such a btch again and so against her?

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 1:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bobboswifey
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 4:45 PM

oh girl- ive been thru a very similar situation! i mean our stories are so close its crazy! when i met my hubby he was living with his mom, taking care of her financially and everything cuz his dad had died a few yrs earlier. I had gone thru a divorce and had been living with my sister for the past few years.Ive got 4 kids from another marraige,which I share custody with their dad.After my hubby and I got married I moved into his childhood home with him and his mom(this was a 5 bdrm,4bathrm home, very big and nice!) which at the time i moved in with my mil my kids were at their dads house for the summer.well, when it came time for the kids to move back for school she said no they couldnt move in- so i had to let my ex keep them which in turn he accused me of abandonment , whic id never ever do! so right now im in a custody battle due to her.thats not even the beginning of my story! when my hubby was a teen she got loans in his name from sallie mae-which wrecked his credit and life! we didnt find this out till a cpl years ago when i ran his credit and fnd it then did some snooping and the loan had been wired to her ckn acct! shes had me put in jail over bs so many times its unbelievable! i was arrested once a cpl yrs ago over some bs and when i got there they were like, youve got mail, i said mail?? i just got here...so it was a letter from my mil,certified might i add, it had a restraining order filed against me and my hubby from her! she had planned it all out.me and him arent bad ppl i promise! we are good christian ppl.she(my mil) was very co-dependant of my hubby cuz he paid her bills and took care of her after his dad died and she didnt wanna go get a job.oh and might i add, we'd been giving her $ to pay the bills then all of the sudden everything starts getting shut off, she hadnt paid the bills, instead she was blowing the $.The house pymt was $1,800 a month.she was getting the mail outta the box everyday so little did we know, the house was in the middle of foreclosure!!!!! So in July of 2011 im outside on a sturday mowing the yard and the mail runs. he has a certified letter for me to sign for, im like ok-- i see its from Bank of America so I open it cuz I paid all the bills anyway- just wanted to see what the balance of the home loan was ect... i open thisletter and it was a letter of notification to vacate the properrty in 90 days! this was my husband and his 4 other siblings childhood home! a beautiful place in nashville tn. i just couldnt believe it.anyway- the house got foreclosed on and we bought now have our own place.my point reated to your post is --- we couldnt even get a loan for $1,000 cuz my hubby co-signed for his mom a car and apt.if she breaks that lease they will come after your hubby.ive been thru this.he will have to pay the remainder of the lease, example if she pays $1,000 a month and still has 9 months left on the lease he has to pay the 9,000.if he doesnt they will get an atty then you gta pay atty fees on top if that.and i used to do credit repairs and i k now that breaking a lease is one of the worst things you can have on your credit! itll kill jis score- if theres anyway u can talk him out of it please do! oh and another thing- ive nvr met my hubbys family from outta state.my mil had them thinking i was a horrible bad person till they met me! anyway- thats what i think...lol- didbnt mean for it to be so long- sorry!

mialin
by New Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:13 PM

oh oh this is hard, it must be even harder for your husband because is his mom. can she get a place with a room-mate? like someone else from church? can she find a job as a live-in nanny so she doesn't have to find a place to rent? can your husband help her get the papers, make a petition for her? I know many people that have helped their parents that way and their papers came really quick, in less than a year. 

another thought is to rent a place for her, prepay the rent for 1 year with the money she has, in the meantime, make the petition for her with immigration and by the end of the year she would have papers and be able (legally) to rent a place.

Hope this helps.

MomofBoys838
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 11:25 AM

These are great ideas.  I was also thinking, what if you bought a place with either a mother-in-law suite (like a separate apartment in your house), or move a small trailer home onto your property until some better arrangements are made.  Or maybe an apartment in a senior living facility.  Or if she could take work as an apartment manager....most times the rent is free, and she would look after the other apartments on the site.

I wish I had better ideas...I have never been in your situation.  I'm sure it would make your hubby feel better to have his mom settled somewhere.  Best of luck to you all!

MommyOK
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 7:30 PM

all I can say is....sorry mamma ....it's a tough one. But I'd say try to stay as much out of it as you can..maybe explain your DH how you feel....if you get to involved....you'll be the "bad guy" in the end of it.

Renee47
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:58 PM

Wow I have no advice only wow!

Saille717
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:29 PM
2 moms liked this
I'd say screw what they all think of you. If she's portrayed you as the bitch then embrace that and be one. Put your foot down and say no. Tell her to take that money and buy a ticket back home or whatever.
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cupcake2424
by New Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:23 AM

 Interesting situation.  How long has she lived here illegally?  Why has she not gotten papers or citizenship by now.  I am sorry but I am not tolerant of illegals in our country.  I would not let even a family member who was illegal live in my home.  You are just asking for trouble.  And how does she get a job with no ss number?  Maybe it is time to go back to her home country.  $25,000 would most likely go a long way there.  Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is reality.

kissykissy3
by New Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:47 AM

Thanks everyone for your ideas!!!!      I really like the idea of her prepaying her year rent so theres no way we get screwed... also I like the idea of just embracing my role as a bitch lololo!

the whole family came here 11 years ago, they all had 5 year visas but my hubby was the only one who really cared enough to get it renewed another 5 years (but we got married and that voided it) but his mom and dad just overstayed their visa time and never went back or renewed it.   now that his dad went back he cant even apply to come back for 10 years as 'punishment' and it would be the same for his mom if she went back.       

believe me, it drives me crazy that she wants to stay here illegally, she doesnt even speak english, claims to not like 'what this country does to families and how it changes people' but yet left her husband of 35 years to stay here... im not against anyone who wants to come to usa, just come here embrace it, love it, respect it, (like my husband)  and dont bitch abt this country that you CHOSE to come to...

and its very easy to get jobs here in s. florida with no documentation doing more labor and domestic type jobs, the pay is looow but not taxed so i guess it evens out...

the bottom line is i dont wanna fight with my husband anymore abt his mom, i really wish she would just go back to colombia, she would have a nice life there and it would be less drama.

nicole2884
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 2:25 PM

is he ok with this, i mean i wouldnt doesnt matter how bad or good the woman is im not putting my name on anything that isnt mine

thats craziness for sure

i would have a long talk with him

hope it gets better

my mil doesnt really care for me either

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:16 PM

Ugh, $25,000. isn't going to last that long,this is going to be an ongoing problem for you I'm afraid. She should just answer a "roomate wanted" ad and forget having her own place. I hope your hubby says no.

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