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Do you believe in coincidences? sorry, long

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Do you believe in coincidences? Or are things really planned out, Faith, Fate, etc?  I am asking this because I am dealing with a personal issue that has had me thinking on the subject.  Without a long story, lets just agree my dad was a pedophile and I was one of his victims.  One of many, many children.  I have lived away from him since I turned 18, left home and joined the US Air Force.  My career took me to all sorts of places, thankfully only once was I within 50 miles and that was only for a week.  He did not know I was in town, I made no effort to contact him. 

My Mom died in 1972, when I was 11 years old.  My Mom and dad never divorced, my Mom was a strict Roman Catholic and divorce was never an option.  My Mom gave him his walking papers when she found out he had an underage mistress.  It was the second mistress that he finally ended up living with, having children with and adopting all of her children.  All of my family with my Mom and dad are all dead, except me.  I am the only remaining natural child of that marriage.  Two years ago that mistress died and my dad was diagnosed with cancer of the lungs, liver, kidney and bladder.  They gave him 18 months, because he had a bad heart and could not take chemo treatments.  That was last Thanksgiving. 

Fast forward to February, 2012 and I know he is under hospice care at his home.  I am a night owl, but that night I went to bed early, and was asleep when I am useually awake.  I woke up from a very sound sleep at 5:59 am and something in my brain was telling me to call him.  So I did.  I talked to the hospice nurse, he was non-verbal by this time, but understood commands by blinking his eyes.  The nurse said he was fighting the morpheine drip and he was struggling to stay alive.  She was assuring him it was okay to go, all his adopted children and their families were all there, I was told months ago I was NOT welcome. 

The nurse put the phone to his ear and I simply said, "I forgive you"  Nothing more, nothing less.  He blinked his eyes and I said goodbye and hung up. 

At 6:09 am, the phone rings, he died.  Do you believe that my dad was sending me messages to call him?  Was it just G-d telling me to clear the slate before we could never talk again?  I am still confused and hurting.  I don't know what to feel or if I should feel anything at all.  I guess the kicker to the entire mess is all his worldly goods he left only to me.  Nothing for the other children?  Why would he do this?  I have donated massive amounts of his estate so far and will have it completely sold or donated by the end of this summer.

I feel even more odd, since he died and I have watched the TLC show, Long Island Medium, is my dad able to 'see' me in my every day life?  I have always believed and wanted to know my Mom watched over me, guided my hand at rearing my children, when I had no Mommy training at all?  I like her to 'see' me, but I feel violated when I think he can 'see' me?  Does this make any sense? 

Have any of you btdt?  Thanks for any input.  I am a grown woman, 52 years young and I feel like an 11 girl again, floundering for safety in any port?  Help.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Replies (11-16):
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:21 AM

I know you are surprised that he left you everything when you were expecting nothing and he did that because he knew he did you wrong and granted he could never take back what he did this was the only way he felt he could show you his remorse.

I do think that your subconcious was telling you to call him. I know you question if it was G-d who sent you messeges but I was wondering if you think that maybe it was your mother telling you to call him. Had you already forgiven him in your mind or heart before this point ?

I have a story that is slightly similar to yours and I can share it with you if you would like and maybe the insight from what I delt with can help you. I would just post it but it's really long and don't want to bother you with nonsense . I hope that you have found the peace you need to move on from all the hurt and pain that happened !

by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:02 AM

Dear mls, I would like to talk in the near future, to share and help each other when those bad days come.  And they always show up at the worst possible time.

I had not had much contact since I moved out of his home back in 1978.  In fact, except for that one Air Force trip in the early 1980's, I have only been back twice, once for my Grandfather's funeral, and once for my great niece's wedding.  He was at neither event.

I always knew my dad was wealthy, but since my Mom left me her entire estate, house, cars, investments, when I was 11 years old, I felt that would be the only inheritance that I was expecting.  His new wife wanted my Mom's house in a bad way!  She said I would be left nothing if I did not give her my Mom's home.  That never happened.  I always knew my dad was financially well off, but not to the extent that was in the paperwork.  I have donated his massive 8 bedroom, 8 bathroom house, on a ten acre gated lot with a privately stocked pond.  That went to the Baptist church in that area.  I donated the cash he left in the oddest place, I sold his two brand new 2011 and 2012 Mercedes sedans for $1 each.  I have always disliked those cars, he had a new one every year.  I still have 8 apartment complexes to sell this summer.  The only thing I kept were two antique tea cups that belonged to my great great grandparents, the only item the took from Ireland when they emigrated back during the potato famine.  I have one very nice painting, that used to hang in my bedroom.  Everything else was left for the church to dispose of as they saw fit.  I am donating 99% of everything, I don't feel right in keeping any of it. The only thing I will keep are the patents that are very profitable and they do not expire for another 150 years.  So, my children will be able to take over those when I die.


by Thelma on May. 2, 2012 at 9:30 AM

I believe we have connections with people that we can not begin to understand.  I am sorry you went though all that. It sounds like he was fighting to stay alive because, he needed and you needed to make it right on some level. Not that what he did was right. But by sayiing I forgive you, it released him. Maybe as he has laid there helpless, he has been sorry and hasn't been able to tell you due to circumstances.  The evidence of his reaction gives credence to that thought.  By saying that, you have released yourself and him.  Does it make what happened like it never was, no, but it releases the power it held over you. And now you also have the peace that you made peace with him on some level. Will issues about it still crop up, absolutely. But this can bring deeper healing in you. You can't know if he asked forgiveness in his heart or not. 

I know we have connections with people. Yesterday, I felt a strong urge, need, prompting (in my belief regardless of what others believe) from the Lord to call my Dad.  He was having a bad day. Unknown to me, and really just needed to hear my voice.  He is 75 years old.  When we were kids, he was an abusive man(not sexually). He in his older years has changed. He is sorry and I have forgiven him. People can be sorry, but they can't change what happened.

YOu probably just need to let him go in a sense.  He can't see you to harm you. If he is in heaven then he has received a perfected body and can not have evil intent in his soul. If he is not, then he can't see you or watch you etc.  At least that is how I see it.  I hope that helps.

by Member on May. 2, 2012 at 11:39 AM

 My grandmother who had five kids was hanging on until my mom told her that her brother (my uncle) forgave her and loves her. Then she passed away. She abused all of her kids but my uncle got it the worst as he was the baby of the family and the older siblings moved out. I do believe that they have a sense to see us and be with us but I don't think God would allow him to see you in a way that you would feel violated if that makes sense? I think our thought process is changed for the better and I think our deceased family members know how to respect us. (If that makes sense) I lost my mom a little over a year ago and she has managed to send me not so settle messages to show she is still there. I hope you are able to find peace.

by Member on May. 2, 2012 at 12:54 PM

 Stay strong.  I do believe people wait for certain things to happen before they surrender their body.  Forgiveness is probably what he was waiting for and guilt is probably why you got it all.

by Kiyana on May. 3, 2012 at 5:38 AM
I believe u are always connected who had the biggest impact on ur life. My mother past away in 2000. 2 yrs later I lost contact with my father. I mean it was like he vanished. I was calling hospitala & nursing homes. I thought he was dead at one point. Then I had a dream I was staying at my then bf house and there was a knock at the door. My bf says it ur mom & dad. At first I was so excited to see them. Then I said I dont want to see them because they shldnt be together. Mom shldnt be here. I remember being so adamant in dream, when I woke up I cldnt stop crying. But what my dream told was that my father was still alive. If I had went to that door that means he was dead. I dont know if it was my subconcience(sp) or domething else.i found my father a few months later. And how I found him was crazy in itself.
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