Do you believe in coincidences? Or are things really planned out, Faith, Fate, etc? I am asking this because I am dealing with a personal issue that has had me thinking on the subject. Without a long story, lets just agree my dad was a pedophile and I was one of his victims. One of many, many children. I have lived away from him since I turned 18, left home and joined the US Air Force. My career took me to all sorts of places, thankfully only once was I within 50 miles and that was only for a week. He did not know I was in town, I made no effort to contact him.
My Mom died in 1972, when I was 11 years old. My Mom and dad never divorced, my Mom was a strict Roman Catholic and divorce was never an option. My Mom gave him his walking papers when she found out he had an underage mistress. It was the second mistress that he finally ended up living with, having children with and adopting all of her children. All of my family with my Mom and dad are all dead, except me. I am the only remaining natural child of that marriage. Two years ago that mistress died and my dad was diagnosed with cancer of the lungs, liver, kidney and bladder. They gave him 18 months, because he had a bad heart and could not take chemo treatments. That was last Thanksgiving.
Fast forward to February, 2012 and I know he is under hospice care at his home. I am a night owl, but that night I went to bed early, and was asleep when I am useually awake. I woke up from a very sound sleep at 5:59 am and something in my brain was telling me to call him. So I did. I talked to the hospice nurse, he was non-verbal by this time, but understood commands by blinking his eyes. The nurse said he was fighting the morpheine drip and he was struggling to stay alive. She was assuring him it was okay to go, all his adopted children and their families were all there, I was told months ago I was NOT welcome.
The nurse put the phone to his ear and I simply said, "I forgive you" Nothing more, nothing less. He blinked his eyes and I said goodbye and hung up.
At 6:09 am, the phone rings, he died. Do you believe that my dad was sending me messages to call him? Was it just G-d telling me to clear the slate before we could never talk again? I am still confused and hurting. I don't know what to feel or if I should feel anything at all. I guess the kicker to the entire mess is all his worldly goods he left only to me. Nothing for the other children? Why would he do this? I have donated massive amounts of his estate so far and will have it completely sold or donated by the end of this summer.
I feel even more odd, since he died and I have watched the TLC show, Long Island Medium, is my dad able to 'see' me in my every day life? I have always believed and wanted to know my Mom watched over me, guided my hand at rearing my children, when I had no Mommy training at all? I like her to 'see' me, but I feel violated when I think he can 'see' me? Does this make any sense?
Have any of you btdt? Thanks for any input. I am a grown woman, 52 years young and I feel like an 11 girl again, floundering for safety in any port? Help.