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Premarital Sex

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:41 PM
  • 17 Replies

Okay, so here's the question that got stuck in my head  earlier.  I'll try to articulate it.  I'm not trying to troll, I'd really like to see the discussion.  I know some will want to be all dramatic and bent, but hopefully we can agree to disagree and actually just explain our own points of view?  Maybe?  

The question is: 

WHY is premarital sex a bad thing?  

The conditions of the question -- let's assume we're talking about people who are of whatever the legal consenting age in any given region.  Let's also assume that we are NOT talking about sexual crimes or abuses, but consenting consentual sex.  Let's assume the persons having the sex are tested and clean and using reasonable birth control/protection.  

For my own point of view -- I am not religious, though I was born and raised Roman Catholic and was that until the late '90's.  I was about 2 months away from being 17 when I lost my virginity.  I'd been in a relationship a handful of months with the boy (he was 18) at the time.  We used condoms.  It was fun.  I've never regretted it, I've never wished I hadn't done it or had waited, I've never felt as though I was used goods, or that my virginity was some special 'gift' that should have been saved for a more permanent relationship.  I did not at that time believe that that boy and I would end up married.  I was about in the middle of my friends, that point about half of them had "lost it" and the other half weren't terriblyl far behind me...with only one  or two holding out for college years/ages.  I've never had an STD, I've never had an abortion, my one child was planned and had during my first marriage.  I do not see anything at all wrong with premarital sex.  In fact, I can't imagine committing to spending the rest of my life married to this one person and not even know if we're compatible in bed.  I consider sex a fundimental part of my marriage.  And while it's certainly not THE most important thing, it IS important.  I've seen more than one or two marriages fail over the years in my various circles that could draw their problems directly to sexual problems (with the only worse cause being money).  

So do you believe that premarital sex is a bad thing or not?  

Why do you believe the way that you do?  

And yes, I really am just curious.  

by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Ashley on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:42 PM

As long as its responsible, I don't see anything wrong with it.

by Member on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:43 PM
I have no problem with premarital sex
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by Member on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:44 PM
I see nothing wrong with it as long as they are being safe, not making babies to turn around and kill them, and are responsible. I never planned on getting married so sex before marriage didn't bother me.

I'm still not married but in a committed relationship and going great for over 12 years :)
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by Member on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:46 PM
Only pre marital sex i had was with dh before we married.
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by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:48 PM

when I met my SO I wished I hadnt had sex with anyone else ever before him. but that is not what happened. I suppose it's to help you last with your life partner? not sure about the religious views on it but thats what I came to. 

by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:53 PM

Quoting zebbyzebby06:

Only pre marital sex i had was with dh before we married.

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by Sherry on Jun. 27, 2012 at 5:58 PM
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I had premarital sex and I did regret it. For me, sex was something to be shared with only that person who I'd be with the rest of my life. Of course, for me, even that didn't work out, but that's a whole another post. 

My daughter will be 18 in August. This is what I told her. She has the right to choose rather she wants to be responsibly sexually active.  

What she doesn't get to chose are her partner's previous partners, or the diseases they may carry or may not have come out yet. She doesn't get to choose when birth control may fail. It's the variables that she can't control that she needs to be the most wary of, and by using extreme caution, she can hopefully find the person who loves her more than he loves the sex. 

I don't see the point to premarital sex. It doesn't enhance the relationship, it doesn't secure a lifelong marriage, it doesn't guarantee happiness, it's a risk, and it's always a risk. 

However, I'm also not a fool. My daughter is a woman, and in that, she has a woman's needs. Her choice to remain a virgin (and yes I know this for a fact, because she told the doctor he could share everything with me, and after he checked her he told me she wasn't eligible for STD's because she was a virgin) is her choice, she has every bit of information available to her. However, if a man is really in love with her, he will wait, until she is ready. She is more likely to the find the right man that will treasure her by waiting than she is by going through a string of relationships. That's just my opinion and I've shared it with her. Ultimately though, whom am I kidding, she can change her mind at any minute. So there's nothing "wrong" with it, in general terms, but if it isn't "right" for the people involved, then they should wait. 

by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 6:18 PM

no, i do not believe it is a bad thing- when those participating are consenting adults, and can deal with whatever consequences come from it. that being said, i also believe if you cannot afford a child, or antibiotics, or anything else you may need as a result of sex then you should not be having it. as long as you are physically, emotionally, and financially ready for the aftermath go right ahead. 

i was young when i lost my virginity, we always used protection and we were quite careful. i assumed the man i was with would not be who i eventually married, and that was fine. we did have a plan in case we became pregnant, and i did see a dr regularly "just because" that's what you do when you are sexually active. i never felt like used goods or any of that nonsense. i also was not the first or the last of my friends to "loose it". i did have a generalized discussion with my mother about it. she was frank, informative, and non- judgemental. kudos to those who can wait until marriage, but i think if i had to do that i would have married young and ultimately not been happy with my decisions. 

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by Jennifer on Jun. 27, 2012 at 7:00 PM

 Personally I see nothing wrong with it if you are being responsible.  I do believe having children out of wedlock is irresponsible.

by Kristy on Jun. 27, 2012 at 7:01 PM

Well... I really don't care what other ppl do as long as it doesn't effect me. Personally, I waited to have sex until i was married. To much drama comes along w/ sex w/ out a commitment.

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