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Am I wrong?

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 3:54 PM
  • 10 Replies
1 mom liked this

This past week, I have been looking at my credit history and I want to pay it off. I am looking for a job so I can start making payments on things. When I graduate school next December and I start my career, I am going to be majorly paying off debts. I also wanted to help my fiance pay off his debt. I know someone is going to say that his debt is not my responsibility and I know this. We are planning on getting married, we just haven't set a date yet. We also would like to buy a house together with our son but we can't get approved for a mortgage with our poor credit. I was looking at his credit history and I noticed that he has utilities that went into collection back when him and his ex split up. I feel that I shouldn't pay those debts off because I would be paying off one of her debts also. He doesn't expect to pay them off either. On the other hand, if I don't help pay them off, then it's going to hurt myself and our son.

The reason I keep saying me pay them off is because I was planning on also finding a job and using his paycheck towards monthly bills and using my paycheck to pay off my credit first and then his.

What would you do?

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 3:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Thelmama
by Thelma on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:24 PM

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)

Miranda1018628
by Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for the advice :)

Quoting Thelmama:

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:21 PM

If you & he are planning to marry, paying off both of your debt is only going to help.

Quoting Thelmama:

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)


Platinum_Mommy
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:57 PM

I would help him. I mean, if you guys are planning on getting married, then you're kinda in this together right?

1plustwinsmommy
by Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. If you have reservations about paying off his debt because you are unsure if the future if this relationship, that's a major red flag. If your reservations are simply because he had this debt with an ex then I say pay it. When you marry, you share each others lives completely. That includes baggage either one of you brings into the marriage.

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

If you & he are planning to marry, paying off both of your debt is only going to help.

Quoting Thelmama:

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Thelmama
by Thelma on Jun. 29, 2012 at 3:31 PM

yep.  And he is going to appreciate it, especially if he is a good guy.

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

If you & he are planning to marry, paying off both of your debt is only going to help.

Quoting Thelmama:

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)



Miranda1018628
by Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 8:51 PM

He is a very good guy. I'm not doubting our relationship at all. I was just doubting paying off "her" debt. You know what I mean?

Quoting Thelmama:

yep.  And he is going to appreciate it, especially if he is a good guy.

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

If you & he are planning to marry, paying off both of your debt is only going to help.

Quoting Thelmama:

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)




MrsImperfect
by Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 8:55 PM
7 years after the debt goes to collections it drops off ur credit. When me and my ex split the bills were in my name but he had the income and didnt pay them. They dropped off. And my hubby and I aren trying to buy a house. His score is 617 we need a 620. The lender suggested capital one secured line of credit. And its been boosting our credit fast. Just some advice...
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Thelmama
by Thelma on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:20 PM

I  am glad he is.  I don't think it is a bad thing to pay off those debts, regardless of it helping her. It will help you more in the long run.  And he will be grateful.  As for her, just don't even think about it as helping her. You are doing it because you love him and want y'all to have better credit together.  That is a good thing.

Quoting Miranda1018628:

He is a very good guy. I'm not doubting our relationship at all. I was just doubting paying off "her" debt. You know what I mean?

Quoting Thelmama:

yep.  And he is going to appreciate it, especially if he is a good guy.

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

If you & he are planning to marry, paying off both of your debt is only going to help.

Quoting Thelmama:

Do what is right for you and him. It is always a risk in such relationships should he decided he doesn't want to follow through on marriage, but it is something you have to decide. No one else can really decide for you. It is a catch 22, in that if you pay them off  you are helping the ex too, but if is is what you want to do etc, then it is what you should do.  Follow your heart and gut, with lots of help from your brain. :o)





erikadi
by Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:30 AM

I would do what you planned, because once you get married, I believe the credit people see it as your debt together.

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