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Anyone's advise on being a StepMom.

Posted by on Sep. 30, 2012 at 6:56 PM
  • 13 Replies

DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVISE ON BEING A GOOD STEPMOTHER TO TEENAGE BOYS?  IF SO PLEASE SHARE.  I WOULD BE FOREVER GREATFULL................................

by on Sep. 30, 2012 at 6:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Sep. 30, 2012 at 8:07 PM

No advice, other than to love them and be a helper to their father.

Welcome to the group.

Texascandee
by on Sep. 30, 2012 at 9:07 PM

I agree with amonkeymom...........just love them and let them know you are there for them

offrdngal
by Terri on Sep. 30, 2012 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Make sure that you and their father are on the same page when it comes to rules and punishment. You must present a united front, or you will be played against each other and it be nothing but problems.

roxxyt
by on Sep. 30, 2012 at 9:48 PM
So true, keep a united front after raising two ss, don't try to be their buddy either. I did go to bat for one on clothes for school, dh wanted him to wear some dorky jeans ( way yrs ago) and I fought to let him wear some cool ones and I won, my ss was grateful he wasn't a dork in school lol

Quoting offrdngal:

Make sure that you and their father are on the same page when it comes to rules and punishment. You must present a united front, or you will be played against each other and it be nothing but problems.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
EireLass
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2012 at 10:16 PM

Step back. They already have 2 parents. And more important, you are their fathers girlfriend/fiance/wife....you are not their parent. Defer all rules and discipline to their father. You don't need to be their friend, and you don't need to be their parent. But you are an adult, and that alone is why they should respect you. Another reason is because you are the women their father has chosen to be with forever.

tiredmomma35
by Member on Sep. 30, 2012 at 10:17 PM
Love them, participate in their activities. Be a go getter step mom. But also be on the same page with the dad.
md_1015
by Bronze Member on Oct. 1, 2012 at 7:29 AM

Keep your life and home seperate from BM. Be nice and try to get along, but make sure that there is a definate line between homes.

Also make sure that the boys know you are there to be a role model, but not mom, and that you care for them. Half of it is up to them too.

Tiffytifftiff
by New Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:49 AM

This is a personal question but is the mother still in their lives? My mom passed away and then my dad remarried. She was good for my dad and but for us it was hard to try and change how she wants things. She throgh fits about everything. Just be one the same page with everything the father is. And try to get to know his kids. you don't have to be thier friend but it would be eaiser for you if you get together as a group and disscuss how they feel and how you feel. sorry i can't give you more advice.

kkkaaayyyy
by Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:52 AM

Just be supportive of DF/DH and tell the boys if there is anything they need help with or need, that you will always be there for them. If possibly maybe get involved with their sports or hobbies.

lipsis
by Jan on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:48 AM

I had advice until I saw teenage boys. My daughter readily adjusted to my ex-husband's first girlfriend. His second, not so much (but she always compares her to the first). But older children in their rebellious teens may view the stepmother as an easy target. So, make your marriage a priority, Discuss matters behind closed doors, and show a united front once you open those doors. Sometimes, because they come into the stepmother's life at the same time, two boys can be lumped together. Get to know them individually. Kind of a divide and conquer thing. It's hard for you to fend off the collective force ganging up on you, but if you get to know each of them one by one, you can more easily disarm those forces. Hahaha! Do things with just one stepson, and then the other. Homework help or school projects. Any extra curricular activities? Attend practice/class/rehearsals. Attend games/recitals/performances/shows. Shopping expeditions (for something the boy might want, like a game store, music store, or maybe clothing store). Treats like a movie. You can make a "date" with one stepson a week, with the understanding that your husband takes the other for some one-on-one father-son time. (This way even if the boy doesn't want to hang out with you, he'll give you a chance because next time he'll be hanging out with his dad.) Befriend other stepmothers. You're already doing this, so that's great. Read articles and books about blended familes. Search online, read forums. Soon you'll have some good advice of your own to contribute. If you don't know people dealing with a blended family, you can find a blende family support group in your area either by googling the search term, looking through the yellow pages, or through a local social service organization. If you end up dealing with any of the more difficult teen problems, for example a child's depression or delinquency, you might want to make an appointment with a professional counselor. Other than that, keep in mind that you have to be patient and you cannot expect miracles. Teens require you to respect their privacy, but have little interest in respecting yours. They have arbitrary rules they've never shared but expect you to follow, however they will disregard your household rules. You can consider how you can improve upon your family role to make things rum more smoothly, but don't expect adolescent boys to "want" to make things run smoothly.

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