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Sahm vs. Single mom

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM
  • 34 Replies
3 moms liked this

Ok so I am curious to see what ppl think about this. I have a friend who is a single mom and she complains all the time about how hard it is to juggle work and a child. I completely understand that she does do a lot and time and money are tight and i feel for her, sincerely! However, i feel like ppl forget how hard it is to be a sahm. Does everyone think that we sit at home and eat bon bons and spend all of our dh $? First off my husband works but that means still 1 income and we struggle as well, also, any sahm who is spending enough time with their kids during the day knows how trying it can be. Idk about anyone else but i miss going to work sometimes just to have a bit of adult conversation and self worth outside the house! What i think is the hardest is co-parenting with my husband day in and day out! When it comes to such a precious topic it becomes difficult to constantly be on the same page. When i am making a routine all day and he comes home and screws it all up! lol Now i know a lot of single moms have to deal with bd for visitation and i'm sure it can be difficult. I'm not discrediting anybody here! I'm just intrigued by everyone's story. I think all moms work their a**es off for their kids and would do anything. I also think that i am very blessed to be able to stay home with my child. Just some friendly venting time!

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bekalynne440
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree that some people think SAHMs have it easy.  I love staying home with my kids and wouldn't have it any other way.  However, I miss adult conversation.  I cherish it when I get it.  I miss doing a job and seeing a completed project.  At home, I'm just happy if each room is clean at some point throughout the day.  Its near impossible to have them all clean at once with my two little tornados, lol.  And even though DH has a decent job, finances can still get tight.

I've dealt with 3 screaming fits by ds this morning and dd isn't even up yet to join in, lol.  It really can wear on the nerves.  But I know the hard work will pay off in the end.

mylittlelife82
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:45 AM
3 moms liked this
I have been both. I was a SAHM for 8 yrs. It can get lonely but I HAVE to tell you that my back aches more as a working single mother because I get all of it by myself now. I get to do everything a SAHM mom does plus go to work and bust my butt there too. If I could choose...a million times over I would opt to stay at home with my kids and do projects, make good homemade dinners, and keep up with the housework. Most nights I sack out on the couch sitting upright while my children are brushing their teeth for bed.
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sjump25
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:54 AM
I agree that all (good) moms work their asses off. I don't think one has it better or easier than the other. I think there are pro and cons to both working and staying at home. I do both. I work from home. Trying to get my work done with a 2 year old is hard. Also the guilt of not spending enough time with my kids because I am working gets me everyday. Everyone has their own struggles.
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bleedhairspray
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I think single working moms have it harder, hell even working moms that are in a relationship have it harder. I am a sahm and am thankful for this everyday! I don't have the heart to send my baby into childcare or even to a relative's house so I can go work a job that 90% the earnings would go to paying for that childcare and the other 10% would go to gas to get to the job. yes sometimes I complain that i've had a hard day, but honestly that's nothing compared to having to get up, drop my kid off, go to work, and then come home and still be expected to clean and cook and still find time with my child! When I complain I instantly regret what I say, I have nothing to honestly complain about!

PoplarGrove
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:02 AM

Well, I've been a SAHM and am now a single Mom going to school and I'll tell you being a single Mom is harder.  I don't have financial worries as a single Mom and I can't imagine how hard it would be to struggle financially and look after my children by myself.  

Send your husband on a 3 week business trip and get all your kids out the door by 8AM every morning, do homework, make supper, clean up the supper dishes, bathe the kids, get them to bed, take out the garbagem, tidy the house, deal with every catastrophe by yourself and then you'll get a taste of being a single Mom.  When I was a SAHM I was exhausted, it's not easy either, but as a single mom I'm exhausted and I need 3 extra hours a day to get everything done.  

lifeforchrist
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

how can you say you get to do everything a sahm does when you work? You spend your whole day at work. Doesn't make any sense to me.

Quoting mylittlelife82:

I have been both. I was a SAHM for 8 yrs. It can get lonely but I HAVE to tell you that my back aches more as a working single mother because I get all of it by myself now. I get to do everything a SAHM mom does plus go to work and bust my butt there too. If I could choose...a million times over I would opt to stay at home with my kids and do projects, make good homemade dinners, and keep up with the housework. Most nights I sack out on the couch sitting upright while my children are brushing their teeth for bed.


lifeforchrist
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:08 AM

I disagree. Working moms work come home and cook dinner and put their kids to bed. They're work is at work. a sahm does her work at home all day with the children. I don't see any difference. My work never ends either. I have to make 3 meals a day everyday for 4 people. I have to do the same cleaning, and there is never a weekend for me. I don't see any difference in the work load except one does theres at work and the other at home

Quoting bleedhairspray:

I think single working moms have it harder, hell even working moms that are in a relationship have it harder. I am a sahm and am thankful for this everyday! I don't have the heart to send my baby into childcare or even to a relative's house so I can go work a job that 90% the earnings would go to paying for that childcare and the other 10% would go to gas to get to the job. yes sometimes I complain that i've had a hard day, but honestly that's nothing compared to having to get up, drop my kid off, go to work, and then come home and still be expected to clean and cook and still find time with my child! When I complain I instantly regret what I say, I have nothing to honestly complain about!


the4mutts
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:15 AM
The ONLY difference I see in the struggles of a SAHM or WM is that if you work, the kids aren't home all day making more mess, BUT what mess they make in the evening is harder to clean, because you have to do it all before bed, or waste your weekends cleaning instead of spending valuable time with your kids.
Neither is harder/easier. They both have their own struggles, IMO.
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mylittlelife82
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:19 AM
I get to do that when I get home. Certain things get thrown to the wayside. Weekends are a blessing. I can't tell you how many times I have been in a laundramat until 8 @ night. You have to multitask. Homework got done @ the laundramat. I have been both. I know what I did when I stayed home with my kiddos and I work in healthcare. I'm a busy girl, but I still get to balance my checkbook and manage my financial affairs, shop, attend school conferences, take my children to appts. All I am saying is that when I look back...things were a lot easier without having to "also" have the job. I have Wed. afternoons off and my kids look forward to it because mom can pick them up from school...they don't have to go to daycare. Its saddening for me as well. I wish I could be home for them more but this is life.
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salamandersmom
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:23 AM
2 moms liked this

I agree with you.  I am also a SAHM.  Have been for 25 years.  I have sacrificed my entire life and opportunity to find a "fulfilling job" OUT THERE on the altar of the  "greater good".  I really love my husband and kids.  And I am very grateful to my husband for having a job that means I don't HAVE TO work ...  and I by that I really mean "work outside the house".  Because it is a huge job to stay at home, constantly lifting others up, while everyone thinks you really do nothing but sit on the sofa, eat bon bons and watch the soaps.  Hmmm.  Do they even HAVE soaps anymore?  You can tell I don't have the TV on much.  I think the hardest thing is that after a while, you lose sight of who YOU really are, and you begin to see your whole world thru your family.  If hubby and kids are happy, then you are, too.  But if they are not happy, not fulfilled, having a bad time a work or school, then you are not doing well, either.  you don't get a paycheck to measure your self-worth against.  It's disheartening to do the same round of chores over and over and ove again, and never getting done.  Sweep-mop-vacuum-cook meals-wash dishes-do laundry. 

Lol... I think shows like "real housewives" really screw up people's image of what us SAHMs really DO.  I don't get to go to the gym, or to get a mani-pedi, or lunch out with my friends!  Heck, the last time I was in a salon to get my hair done was back in 1984, just before I enlisted!!  And trust me, my hair LOOKS like its a do-it-myself project. 

And yes...  Daddy comes home, and suddenly the kids would be all over him, saying "I love you daddy!"  And you can't help standing back, thinking HEY!  I freaking fed you lunch, took care of you all day, read you stories and played with you.  And you love HIM?  What about me???  Sigh.  And yeah, he always said "well, I don't get to see them all day" so that made it ok for him to disrupt the schedule. 

But, I will tell you this.  My kids are now 25, 23, 21, 19 and 17.  The oldest is married, the second is back at home after his Enlistment.  The third and fourth are both in the Army.  The youngest is a senior in high school.  And I miss them.  A lot.  And, what I wouldn't DO to be able to turn back the clock and enjoy them as small kids again.  I'm at a strange spot in the SAHM's life...  my job is nearly over.  And I'm at a loss as to what to DO with my life now.  Some days I feel like I'm just waiting to die.  Sigh.  So, enjoy the time you have with your young family. 

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