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My daughter is going to be a failure in life :-(

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That's what it feels like at least...

She's 13 years old and her main goal in life it seems is just doing the bare minimum. Chores, school work, you name it.

We pulled her out of regular school because she was falling behind. In her new school she only goes 2 days a week for an hour to test and has to complete two packets a week. The packets are not big and they offer free tutoring 2x a week.

She turns in maybe one packet a week and is lucky to get a C on it. The answers she gives are atrocious. Failing just doesn't  bother her. When it comes to chores she'll do the fastest sloppiest job she can just to get it over with. She just doesn't care! The only way she'll do a "good" job is if I sit with her and read each and every answer and have her redo every single one. Same with chores. I'm tired of finding trash on the floor and dirty dishes in the cupboard She's 13 for Gods sakes I shouldn't have to hold her hand. I have other things to do. I've tried punishing her. Taking away privileges until she gets her things done.

Honestly I'm tired. I'm to the point that I don't care if she fails. It's her life.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Replies (11-20):
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:03 PM

You know it has gotten worse recently. I figured it could have something to do with her age but  it still bugs the snot out of me.

No, you're right. It's hard not to just do it for her or nag constantly. I find myself repeating, "Just pick your battles Annie" in my head,lol.

We've had the talk and she basically wants me to treat her like her 7year old brother. He's HS too and needs A LOT of help. But the thing is, she's 13, not 7. I need her to be more independent. That and I also have a 5 year old at home too. Some days I just want to pull my hair out! I need her to be my big girl...

Quoting calimom1123:

It could just be the age with hormones and all that. I know I was like that at that age. A big thing though, make sure you dont do everything for her. Dont overcorrect her either. Not saying you do that, but my mom used to. If I put off something for long enough my mom would get fed up and do it herself.My mom was a perfectionist so if you folded clothes it had to be done a certain way. I got resentful that I couldnt do it right so I wouldnt do it at all. Mabe sit with her and have a talk. Ask her what she thinks would help her. Hugs.


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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:06 PM

I sure hope so. This is my first time being the mom of a teenager,lol.

Quoting amonkeymom:

My 15 year old is the same way, though she's finally starting to improve.  My older son was that way as well and once he started high school his attitude and work improved a ton.  Hopefully your daughter will experience that as well.


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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:08 PM

You and me both! lol

Good luck to you too :-)

Quoting nzumbrun:

Omg I could have written this about my 9 year old!! I am having the same exact same problem. I will be watching this to see if you get any good ideas. Good luck.


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zagomez
by New Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:10 PM
1 mom liked this

she is only 13, you cant give up on her or at least stop trying till shes 18 and is an adult, then it will be her life and her decisions. I honestly think it will get better as she matures. maybe she need consequences for her actions.

LovelyBugs
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:11 PM
My 9 year old is the same way...she had her first grade teacher convinced halk the year she did not know her ABC's...the kicker is the teacher never said anything to us ...dd earned herself another year in the 1st grade
By her own admittance she says she likes to play stupid so other will do the work for her...the thing is she is so tiny and cute that she gets away with it...that's why at the start of the school year we let her teachers know all her tricks...I hope you figure something out soon
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Tiffytifftiff
by New Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:14 PM

My DS is the same way.

Quoting DiANAiVELiSSE:

I'm soo scared this will happen to me! my DD is only 4 but she already shows signs of laziness. i have to "force" her to do everything I KNOW shes 4 but your never to young to learn responsability

 


paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:19 PM

Not give up per se. I'm just tired of fighting her on things that obviously don't matter to her. Her school work being one of them. I can't make  her care enough to do it right. I refuse to babysit her either. I have work and other kids to tend too. The only thing I say is that she can do nothing, no computer, T.V., kindle, nail polish, nothing until her homework and chores are done.

I don't know how but she still manages to get nothing done.

Quoting zagomez:

she is only 13, you cant give up on her or at least stop trying till shes 18 and is an adult, then it will be her life and her decisions. I honestly think it will get better as she matures. maybe she need consequences for her actions.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

ilovemykids732
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:19 PM

I have no advice... but I do have a [[hug]] for you... my DS is 8 and showing signs of being lazy... and it drives me insane... all I ask of him is to do good in school... but he just doesnt want to... =___=

opal10161973
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:22 PM

I was having this problem with my DS9.  Until he got a laptop for his birthday.  You see, we gave him a two hour daily limit, with an added extra hour if he did dishes.  Most days, he does the dishes. 

Another part was that in order to keep the original two hours every day, he had to keep his room clean, do his homework, and not give us any grief over asking him to do what he needs to do to be successful in life.  He didn't understand the last part at first, but now he does.  It means if we tell him it's time to do his homework, he does it without arguing about it.  It has been like a dream. 

Nothing in life is free, food doesn't just magically show up on the table, the bathroom doesn't clean itself.  We ALL have things that we need to do in order to have the fun/nice things we get to have.  That is how he is learning that.  We finally figured out a way, but it took months of trying to find the right motivator.  GL

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:31 PM

Oh I'm sorry.  *hugs*

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