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My daughter is going to be a failure in life :-(

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That's what it feels like at least...

She's 13 years old and her main goal in life it seems is just doing the bare minimum. Chores, school work, you name it.

We pulled her out of regular school because she was falling behind. In her new school she only goes 2 days a week for an hour to test and has to complete two packets a week. The packets are not big and they offer free tutoring 2x a week.

She turns in maybe one packet a week and is lucky to get a C on it. The answers she gives are atrocious. Failing just doesn't  bother her. When it comes to chores she'll do the fastest sloppiest job she can just to get it over with. She just doesn't care! The only way she'll do a "good" job is if I sit with her and read each and every answer and have her redo every single one. Same with chores. I'm tired of finding trash on the floor and dirty dishes in the cupboard She's 13 for Gods sakes I shouldn't have to hold her hand. I have other things to do. I've tried punishing her. Taking away privileges until she gets her things done.

Honestly I'm tired. I'm to the point that I don't care if she fails. It's her life.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:34 PM

Some people really do have to learn the hard way.

We raised my BIL and we had a hell of a time keeping him in high school. He wasn't a trouble maker or a bad kid, he just didn't see the value in going. He ended up not graduating because he failed calculus due to absences alone. He was actually passing the class easily but he kept skipping it to go to lunch with his friends. He made me so mad. 

Life got a little rough for him after that because I wouldn't let him live here if he wasn't going to school. He ended up taking a class at the adult school to get his diploma and he joined job corp. It was really good for him. He's now living on his own, working and he's responsible. He does wish he had taken school more seriously though. LOL If only he had listened...

by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:37 PM

what is she doing in her free time??? like is there something else in her life that she's too preoccupied with to care about other things? or is she just lazy?

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:38 PM

Have you ever heard the phrase that "the world is run by "c" students? It's very true. Have you thought about the fact that her not putting forth any more effort than is required of her might mean she is smarter? I'm not trying to be a smartass....but it's very true! My husband and I are both teachers, and we talk about this phenomena frequently. You NEVER know which students are going to be successful in life. Some of the brightest and most driven students end up back home after three weeks of college because they can't handle life when things are challenging. Some of the wealthiest people I know were low achievers in the classroom. Oh---and I was one of those kids w/ the nasty room that wouldn't do I'm OCD and you could eat off my floor. Hang in there, and keep positive!

by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Then she is living a little too comfortable.  She would be sleeping on the floor with a sleeping bag and have 1 outfit and a towel.  She can wrap in a towel while the one outfit is washing and drying.  She wants to do the bare minimum, she gets the bare minimum.

by Julie on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:34 PM

going through this with my 13 yo son - lets hope they don't meet up and make babies by the time thry're 16 UGH!!! I also do not know what to do I am aways asking school for help yet I am pushed away and blamed myself. Well, I have one kid that doen\sn't have these issues and 1 that does so maybe it's not me??? I do not have too much chore trouble from him though. He has learned it is better to do it than hear mom bitch about it hehehe

by Representative on Oct. 11, 2012 at 7:43 PM

Have you considered counseling for her?

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 8:30 PM

I understand where u are coming from . i am going through pretty much the same with my daughter and more .

by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:29 AM

She was held back because of that?? That's terrible.

But it's good to hear that you're nipping it in the bud this time around.

Quoting LovelyBugs:

My 9 year old is the same way...she had her first grade teacher convinced halk the year she did not know her ABC's...the kicker is the teacher never said anything to us ...dd earned herself another year in the 1st grade
By her own admittance she says she likes to play stupid so other will do the work for her...the thing is she is so tiny and cute that she gets away with it...that's why at the start of the school year we let her teachers know all her tricks...I hope you figure something out soon

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:33 AM

Thanks. ((hugs)) back to you too.

Quoting ilovemykids732:

I have no advice... but I do have a [[hug]] for you... my DS is 8 and showing signs of being lazy... and it drives me insane... all I ask of him is to do good in school... but he just doesnt want to... =___=

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:33 AM

I like this idea :-)

Quoting opal10161973:

I was having this problem with my DS9.  Until he got a laptop for his birthday.  You see, we gave him a two hour daily limit, with an added extra hour if he did dishes.  Most days, he does the dishes. 

Another part was that in order to keep the original two hours every day, he had to keep his room clean, do his homework, and not give us any grief over asking him to do what he needs to do to be successful in life.  He didn't understand the last part at first, but now he does.  It means if we tell him it's time to do his homework, he does it without arguing about it.  It has been like a dream. 

Nothing in life is free, food doesn't just magically show up on the table, the bathroom doesn't clean itself.  We ALL have things that we need to do in order to have the fun/nice things we get to have.  That is how he is learning that.  We finally figured out a way, but it took months of trying to find the right motivator.  GL

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

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