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My daughter is going to be a failure in life :-(

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That's what it feels like at least...

She's 13 years old and her main goal in life it seems is just doing the bare minimum. Chores, school work, you name it.

We pulled her out of regular school because she was falling behind. In her new school she only goes 2 days a week for an hour to test and has to complete two packets a week. The packets are not big and they offer free tutoring 2x a week.

She turns in maybe one packet a week and is lucky to get a C on it. The answers she gives are atrocious. Failing just doesn't  bother her. When it comes to chores she'll do the fastest sloppiest job she can just to get it over with. She just doesn't care! The only way she'll do a "good" job is if I sit with her and read each and every answer and have her redo every single one. Same with chores. I'm tired of finding trash on the floor and dirty dishes in the cupboard She's 13 for Gods sakes I shouldn't have to hold her hand. I have other things to do. I've tried punishing her. Taking away privileges until she gets her things done.

Honestly I'm tired. I'm to the point that I don't care if she fails. It's her life.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Replies (31-40):
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:38 AM

Just imagine all of the lazy children they'd make!

Oh and dd just asked, what does he look like? Brat LOL

And I know what you mean. Her little sister comes straight home and does her work without even being asked. She does her chores, she eats her veggies. She's like the best kid. Well she can be manipulative and has fits but in the grand scheme of things, I can handle that,lol.

Quoting mom2priceboys:

going through this with my 13 yo son - lets hope they don't meet up and make babies by the time thry're 16 UGH!!! I also do not know what to do I am aways asking school for help yet I am pushed away and blamed myself. Well, I have one kid that doen\sn't have these issues and 1 that does so maybe it's not me??? I do not have too much chore trouble from him though. He has learned it is better to do it than hear mom bitch about it hehehe


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LovelyBugs
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:44 AM

yes..she got out half a year of homework...so she learned nothing

Quoting paganbaby:

She was held back because of that?? That's terrible.

But it's good to hear that you're nipping it in the bud this time around.

Quoting LovelyBugs:

My 9 year old is the same way...she had her first grade teacher convinced halk the year she did not know her ABC's...the kicker is the teacher never said anything to us ...dd earned herself another year in the 1st grade
By her own admittance she says she likes to play stupid so other will do the work for her...the thing is she is so tiny and cute that she gets away with it...that's why at the start of the school year we let her teachers know all her tricks...I hope you figure something out soon



Jscott1216
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:31 AM
My 13 yr old step son is the same way. Unfortunately at his moms he is very spoiled and isn't given any responsibilities. He's rewarded with sports for the 3 f's he brought home last yr and already has 2 d's this year and we aren't even half way trough the school yr. incentives don't help and even though we try to teach him discipline and give him chores at our house he gets attitude and like you said does everything half ass or asks why I can't do
It and says I'm lazy. His dad gets on him and all it does is make him pout and say he wants to go home to his moms. My husband has tried talking to his mom about it but she is under the belief that without sports he won't amount to anything. We are at our wits end because we can't get both sides on the same page. It's a constant battle. I feel for you because some people like to say on well they're just being kids, well yes and no. They need structure and discipline and when they won't listen it's frustrating. I wish you all the best and just know you aren't alone.
salamandersmom
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 3:20 AM

Been there, done that.  My oldest daughter was like this.  But, it could be worse... my Daughter's favorite motto was "Jump first and read the instructions on the way down."  Holy crap.  No amount of coaching, yelling, screaming, punishing, taking away priveledges, grounding, etc made any difference.  She did finally outgrow it.  By age 23.  Frick.  YOu have a long road ahead of you!!

bigmama423
by Liz on Oct. 12, 2012 at 3:24 AM

Hope you figure something out..teenagers scare me!!

I was a horrible teen so I'm sure my kids will be 10 times worse, if that's even possible!! Luckily my oldest will be 8 so I have a little time left to prepare!! Good luck!

jakesmom323
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:47 AM
Sounds like she is acting out for attention. Normal teenager stuff. When I did that after my parents' divorce, it was a cry for help. I felt like no one would pay attention to me and my mom was too busy working and dealing w/ my small sisters:(
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bethshek222
by New Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:01 AM

Don't get tired and discourage with your daughter. I believe she is undergoing an identity crisis especially in her age. the best thing to do is to pray for your daughter and ask her about herslef, her joys, sorrows and painful experiences. Just be a true friend to her and in due time she will trust you and makes you her best friend.

bethshek222
by New Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:11 AM

Many times our kids will be experiencing traumatic experiences at home or in our neighborhood. You can try to assess whether she has a problem a home or she is feeling inferior at home. You can start playing with her as her usual friends do. You will discover her likes for you to respond positively to the situation.

bethshek222
by New Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:14 AM
2 moms liked this

Know her personality and her love language. We do all have love kanguages and different personalities, as well. You can take her a test for you to see how you can tap her and respond to her in her love langusge. You search on the internet for more details on the tests and study it for her. I am excited to hear your response cafemom.

AJMRmom
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:59 AM
1 mom liked this

 I have 4 older kids (17-23) and a younger 5 yr. old. I have to be honest, I never went through anything to that degree with any of them regarding homework and chores; however, my now 21 yr. old has Asperger's, Tourette's, etc. and we had other difficulties with him. Toys, tv, going places are ALL privileges, and when my children didn't comply, they got NOTHING until they did, even as with my 21 yr. old if they went without these things for MONTHS. NOW, you may not see the benefit of the effectiveness of them until much later but my son has now come back to thank me! I know with all kids that even when you think through firm consequences they are great kids and know their boundaries, they often go through stages of development that they will rebel to a point. With some kids I think it's testing boundaries to see if the rules are still there, some it's to test the security of knowing things aren't changing even though their bodies and the outside world (outside family) is changing, other kids it truly is plan out and out defiance. Just keep doing your best momma, and most of all be consistent! And no, I'm not claiming to have perfected this "profession" called parenting:) HUGS!

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