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My daughter is going to be a failure in life :-(

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That's what it feels like at least...

She's 13 years old and her main goal in life it seems is just doing the bare minimum. Chores, school work, you name it.

We pulled her out of regular school because she was falling behind. In her new school she only goes 2 days a week for an hour to test and has to complete two packets a week. The packets are not big and they offer free tutoring 2x a week.

She turns in maybe one packet a week and is lucky to get a C on it. The answers she gives are atrocious. Failing just doesn't  bother her. When it comes to chores she'll do the fastest sloppiest job she can just to get it over with. She just doesn't care! The only way she'll do a "good" job is if I sit with her and read each and every answer and have her redo every single one. Same with chores. I'm tired of finding trash on the floor and dirty dishes in the cupboard She's 13 for Gods sakes I shouldn't have to hold her hand. I have other things to do. I've tried punishing her. Taking away privileges until she gets her things done.

Honestly I'm tired. I'm to the point that I don't care if she fails. It's her life.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Replies (41-50):
AJMRmom
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:02 AM

 I've always had the intuition of knowing what each of my children need in regards to this, but...This is a VERY good idea!!!

Quoting bethshek222:

Know her personality and her love language. We do all have love kanguages and different personalities, as well. You can take her a test for you to see how you can tap her and respond to her in her love langusge. You search on the internet for more details on the tests and study it for her. I am excited to hear your response cafemom.

 

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:23 AM
You are the mother, dont allow her to do as she please. That is the attitude she will carry forward. I dont care attitude. Well you care, so dont allow her to fail. Stay on her behind.
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fullxbusymom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry but as mom's this is our job.  No matter how hard it gets we can't give up on our children.  It is simply her age.  #1 mistake taking her out of school.  I would reenroll her and if it takes her till 20 to graduate it takes her till 20.  However, at least that way she is getting a proper education.

As far as chores honestly I don't know of many 13yr olds that don't do them half ass just to get them done.  If you stay on top of her they will get done properly.  

She may not be doing to the best of her ability but honestly you don't sound as a parent that you are either.  You want it all to be a fairy tale it isn't, it is a hell of a lot of hard work getting our kids to adult hood alive and then having them be a benefit to society is a whole other ball of wax.

LovelyBugs
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this

we wanted her to learn that she CANNOT manipulate people like  that, it will get you no where and you will have to work twice as hard, she should have done it right the first time, as she told my parents, "she likes to play stupid, that way other people will do the work for her"  we take some blame because we could have called the school to check when she didn't have that much homework (but our others didn't have much either) but what kind of teacher goes half the year without saying something to the parents but then casually bring up that she may be "retarded" (those were the teacher's words not ours)  when you happen to stop in one day for another child? But lesson learned for us and now we have her keep a homework journal everyday and if there happens to be a day she doesn't have homework her teacher signs off and we have pages printed out at home for her (she is a cunning little girl who tries to get over on other with her sweet looks...and its worked plenty of times)

Quoting paganbaby:

She was held back because of that?? That's terrible.

But it's good to hear that you're nipping it in the bud this time around.

Quoting LovelyBugs:

My 9 year old is the same way...she had her first grade teacher convinced halk the year she did not know her ABC's...the kicker is the teacher never said anything to us ...dd earned herself another year in the 1st grade
By her own admittance she says she likes to play stupid so other will do the work for her...the thing is she is so tiny and cute that she gets away with it...that's why at the start of the school year we let her teachers know all her tricks...I hope you figure something out soon



melissam78
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this
My dd is pre puberty and acts the same way,she has her good days n bad,I work with her as much and as best I can,I also hold her accountable for her actions,nothing is permanent & w/patience and time she will grow into her own and mature,right now her hormones are prolly out of wack n going nuts,just give it some time
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Marilu_
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:44 AM
It doesn't always stay like that she could just be going through a stage.
Do you talk to her as a friend, maybe she'll open up and tell you whats really bothering her.
I know if my mother atleast tried to act as a friend I would be in a different situation.
I'm not saying be her friend 100% of the time because they also neef parenting, but on occasion wouldnt hurt.
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:48 AM

Her free time is spent painting her nails, going on FB, watching videos on Youtube, watching t.v. hanging out with friends. Yeah, just lazy,lol.

Quoting bleedhairspray:

what is she doing in her free time??? like is there something else in her life that she's too preoccupied with to care about other things? or is she just lazy?


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whitleypittman
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:51 AM
That's when she would only receive the bare minimum. It might sound harsh, but what my DH and I have agreed to if my DD ever gives us that issue is this: take away all privileges, give her one outfit of our choice a day, take down her door, and give her a mattress, pillow, and a good, warm blanket for sleeping. We've done the research, and it's not abuse cause she would still have a bed to sleep on, clean clothes to wear, food in her stomach, and a roof over her head. Everything else is up to be used as punishment. My mom knows a woman who did that with her fifteen year old, and boy did it work!
BTW, good luck!
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Princessofscots
by New Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:14 AM

I was this kid in school too. When I finally started getting challenged, my grades shot through the roof.

If i was "bored" I just didn't do it.

Quoting jamamama00:

Have you ever heard the phrase that "the world is run by "c" students? It's very true. Have you thought about the fact that her not putting forth any more effort than is required of her might mean she is smarter? I'm not trying to be a smartass....but it's very true! My husband and I are both teachers, and we talk about this phenomena frequently. You NEVER know which students are going to be successful in life. Some of the brightest and most driven students end up back home after three weeks of college because they can't handle life when things are challenging. Some of the wealthiest people I know were low achievers in the classroom. Oh---and I was one of those kids w/ the nasty room that wouldn't do chores....now I'm OCD and you could eat off my floor. Hang in there, and keep positive!


rgba
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:22 AM
Why did you take her out of school? You just rewarded her for slacking by making it even easier for her :/

Put her into full time school again, and talk to her teachers. Or, if you are going to keep her home, then sit with her until each and every packet is done. Eventually she will get it.

She may just struggle with motivation, routines, organization. Having a mother who thinks she is a failure will make it worse. Just be patient, continue to encourage her, and praise her when she does well.

BTW, I got mostly Cs when I was 13. By the next year, I was motivated. I then got all As through high school, graduated in the top of my class, and went on to college and grad school.

Don't write her off.
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