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My daughter is going to be a failure in life :-(

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That's what it feels like at least...

She's 13 years old and her main goal in life it seems is just doing the bare minimum. Chores, school work, you name it.

We pulled her out of regular school because she was falling behind. In her new school she only goes 2 days a week for an hour to test and has to complete two packets a week. The packets are not big and they offer free tutoring 2x a week.

She turns in maybe one packet a week and is lucky to get a C on it. The answers she gives are atrocious. Failing just doesn't  bother her. When it comes to chores she'll do the fastest sloppiest job she can just to get it over with. She just doesn't care! The only way she'll do a "good" job is if I sit with her and read each and every answer and have her redo every single one. Same with chores. I'm tired of finding trash on the floor and dirty dishes in the cupboard She's 13 for Gods sakes I shouldn't have to hold her hand. I have other things to do. I've tried punishing her. Taking away privileges until she gets her things done.

Honestly I'm tired. I'm to the point that I don't care if she fails. It's her life.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Replies (81-90):
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:37 AM

Ah, then I might be wrong. I know when I'm depressed, I want to do nothing, even fun things. 

Quoting paganbaby:

She seems to have energy for everything else. I don't knwo.

Quoting merryvoice:

Might she be depressed? 

by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:42 AM
I was a hard kid. I gave my mom headaches when i was that age. I hated school never wanted to go but a kid like that needs to be pushed she might have fallen behind but if shes not pushed and treated like every other kid in school shes not going to do the little work shes given now. I know your tiered but try to keep pushing her. Have you tried talking to her or maybe if she doesn't want to talk to you about it have someone els do so (someone she looks up to, like an older cousin or something thats on the right track). Good luck..
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by Angie on Oct. 14, 2012 at 7:20 AM

A normal teen! I would never say my child is going to fail in life!

by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:07 PM
Guess it's an epidemic with this generation called the, "I don't care generation!", because my 12yr old daughter is just like your niece and her 13yr old daughter. I'm also at my wits end and so is her father and step mother. We all care it's just driving us crazy. She's in counseling and everything and still no changes. Everyone has tried talking to her even her grandmothers and still nothing but still thinks they should get whatever they want or do what they want...NO I don't think so!

Quoting Thelmama:

My  sister is having similar problems with her 12 year old dd. She is at her wits end too. She earned in school suspension today for skipping a program called lunch and learn that helps kids get extra time for homework, tutoring and the like.  She isn't turning in assignments etc.  If you figure it out, let me know because I don't know how to help her either.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:08 PM
Mabe she has add?
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by Smart Mouth McGee on Oct. 14, 2012 at 2:16 PM
1 mom liked this
I was kinda the same way as a kid, in my case it was bc I was bored, the work wasn't challenging so I didn't care about it.

I've turned that around in my adult years though, I currently hold a 4.0 gpa in college. Lol
So there is hope
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by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 2:38 PM

hmmm...i don't think this behavior means that she'll turn out to be a failure...hopefully she'll come around...i have a 13yo daughter as well and while she's not making straight a's (or even a combo of a's and b's) i see potential...i wasn't the sharpest tack in the box in school (not til college), had a graduating GPA of 1.8 as a matter of fact (3.7 in college) and i think i turned out pretty alright...back to the girls, mine has a room that makes me want to bust her upside the head with a cast iron skillet sometimes but after questioning why her room looks like that, i (maybe not the case with you) have to take part of the blame b/c 1) i never made her keep a clean room, because/and 2) i always would just go in there myself and clean b/c she wont do it the way i do it or prefer even if i turned drill sergeant on her a$$...that goes back to my mom...she never made us keep a spotless room and the year my daughter was with her while i finished college, her room was the worst i'd ever seen...i too wonder what it will take to get her to do better with her room (basic training kinda straightened my a$$ up now that i think about it lol)

my daughter also did better with one-on-one when we did online public school her 4th grade year but that's when i discovered there was a learning issue...she was tested last year for dyslexia and LD and they didn't find anything significant that would call for an IEP but she has support/title one classes (actually just one this year as opposed to 2 last year!) but i know she's trying harder this, motivation, and influence is what they need (academically) and i don't think at this point (and especially age) they should be expected to do well/better on their own...i'll be glad when we get past this point! lol as far as the room? i'm still trying to figure out what to do...

by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 2:50 PM


it doesn't help with my daughter that they don't send much homework home (none last year...they only have a class set of textbooks smh) but when she has homework, i can help and see where she's struggling...when they just send progress reports home i can see she's having problems but i don't know how to help cuz i don't know what the freakn problem is...

kids have too many freedoms...they got the net and stupid phones/ipods/tablets (mine has no phone to stay glued to) and parents that allow them to have any and everything they want just b/c their friends have it with the expensive clothes, funky hair colors, and out of control piercings...i have/had piercings, tatts and interesting hair color but i was GROWN when i got them...too much socializing and a whole lot less focus on school work and grooming (home and self) if you ask me...

by New Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:20 PM

I've had 3 teenagers, all very differant kids.

I guess my first question would be how long was she "doing the bare minimum" before you pulled her out of school and put her in the alternate school?

All teens go through this time of rebellion, some others than others and some last longer than others.  If she was "doing the bare minimum" but still going and not doing anything dangerous, I would have left her in school.  She needs to feel the consequences or her actions.  If she fails 8th grade, o well, her life will not be a complete waste.  If you save her every time she starts to teeter, (FROM EXPERIENCE) she won't know how to catch herself. 

So she does her chores 1/2 ass and just enough to make you shake your head.  She's at home, doing them and not running the street.  This is a hard time for kids.  They have tons and tons of peer pressure to deal with.  If she misses out on some things now and has to play catch up next year, she'll be fine.

She will not be a failure in life.  Keep telling her how much you love her and support her to complete her responsibilities but make her pay the consequences for failing if she does.


by New Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 1:03 AM

wow this is crazy, first of all i wouldnt give up on her just yet still too young.  Does she have interest? sports? after school classes? anything? i know when i was her age my mom was old school and she would whip my behind so hard and get in my face till things got done right and at a timely manner even keep me up all night if i wanted to act stupid and say i dont know how to do something lol and hey im not very proud of my childhood but i learned a lot from that woman and to this day i tend to be somewhat of a neat freak and do things a certain way otherwise im frustrated about it.  I dont know what your daughters life has been growing up? Encouraging something she enjoys or likes, giving her confidence that she has more potential than she shows perhaps she is depressed??  

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