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opinions?

Posted by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 10:46 AM
  • 10 Replies
Okay, I'll make this as short as possible.
My 6y/o DD makes a habit of asking for expensive material things. Always wanting new, better, cuter. I don't give in, and typically neither does her dad at his house. *we're divorced*
The difference is, her dad is passive about it, and just says "I'll think about it" or "maybe later."
I will tell DD that "That's a lot of money just for ____" or " I don't have that kind of money right now"
I want to teach her the value of money, and that mom & dad aren't you're personal credit line.
Also, I try to instill in her to be happy with what she's got. If she wants a new pair of pants for instance, I will show her all the pants she already has, and suggest if she's bored with them, maybe adding sparkles to her jeans, or putting colorful patches along the bottoms. It usually works, its just time consuming.
Well, here's where I want opinions. She's been refusing to use a backpack that I bought for her 6th birthday. It was $35 and she picked it out herself. I told her that "This was an expensive backpack, and if you're going to ask for something special like this, you need to appreciate it and use it, instead of asking me to waste my money on something you don't really want"
She started using it, and when her dad saw her new backpack, and asked where she got it *he forgot cuz she never used it* she told him what I said.
He got upset that I'm imposing money problems onto a 6y/o. He thinks money problems are for adults only, and kids shouldn't have to worry about how expensive things are, especially if I already bought it.
So, what do you think? Talking money, material posessions, and value of things with kids, good or bad?
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by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 10:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Oct. 17, 2012 at 10:55 AM
2 moms liked this

I am on the fence about this.  I wouldn't tell a child that you can't do something because you are broke, only because it would make them feel that money is the issue, not the fact that they are not appreciating the items they do have.  I think that a small allowance teaches children the value of a $1 in a very big way.  It shouldn't be much, that way it takes them a while to earn the items they want.  We pay our boys their age weekly.  My 8 year old gets $8 a week and my 3 year old gets $3 a week.  They know that if they want something special they are going to have to save up for it.  It teaches great money management skills and they have a greater appreciation for the things that they do buy.  Money isn't for adults only, but I believe that discussing your money problems with a child is the wrong approach.

kalliry
by Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 11:10 AM
I believe that teaching the value of a dollar even at a younger age (as long as theyre old enough to understand) is actually a good thing. My dh and I live and teach similar to the way you do. He has two kids with his ex and she spoils them to the extreme. No theres nothing wrong with a little spoiling here and there but she takes it to another level and it was starting to affect the kids, what they expected, and the way they carried on. I believe that what you said and the way you handled things is a good way to go about it as long as you explain everytime your reasoning (which you did). I would handle situations like that very similar to you :)
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kimsardo
by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 11:45 AM

I agree with your husband. I also agree with the values you are trying to instill. I would maybe word things a little differently to your daughter. The whole dialogue on the backpack is a bit much for a 6 year old.

peacemom28
by Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 12:14 PM

 I dont think what you told her was wrong at all. I say things like that to my daughters as well.

the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 1:42 PM
I agree, and disagree with you.
I don't give my kids an allowance, for 2 reasons. I give them money *when I have it* for going above & beyond their usual chores, I don't give them money for no reason or to do what they're expected to do to contribute to the household. And #2, because I simply don't have it. I have 4 kids, if I gave them even a few dollars a week, I would have to cut out things they want like cable tv.

And sometimes, it IS a money issue as to why I won't buy them whatever item they're wanting. My 6 y/o is just the worst at requesting items ALL THE TIME.
So yeah, I want them to manage their own money, but be considerate of others also. I want them to respect my money as well as their own.


Quoting Kodysmommy928:

I am on the fence about this.  I wouldn't tell a child that you can't do something because you are broke, only because it would make them feel that money is the issue, not the fact that they are not appreciating the items they do have.  I think that a small allowance teaches children the value of a $1 in a very big way.  It shouldn't be much, that way it takes them a while to earn the items they want.  We pay our boys their age weekly.  My 8 year old gets $8 a week and my 3 year old gets $3 a week.  They know that if they want something special they are going to have to save up for it.  It teaches great money management skills and they have a greater appreciation for the things that they do buy.  Money isn't for adults only, but I believe that discussing your money problems with a child is the wrong approach.


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the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 1:44 PM
It may have been a bit much, but it worked lol
I want them to appreciate what they have, and realize that it didn't just materialize out of thin air, that someone *me* actually had to buy it.
But yeah, it may have been. Who knows? Its hard for me to tell. She didn't react badly to it, but idk what's going on in her head either.


Quoting kimsardo:

I agree with your husband. I also agree with the values you are trying to instill. I would maybe word things a little differently to your daughter. The whole dialogue on the backpack is a bit much for a 6 year old.


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the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 1:46 PM
Thanks :)
Its a touchy subject, because we live comfortably, but we're by no means "rich". I don't want my kids thinking we're about to be homeless or anything, but I do want them to know that we work and pay for their things. I don't want them feeling entitled, or wasting what we give them.


Quoting kalliry:

I believe that teaching the value of a dollar even at a younger age (as long as theyre old enough to understand) is actually a good thing. My dh and I live and teach similar to the way you do. He has two kids with his ex and she spoils them to the extreme. No theres nothing wrong with a little spoiling here and there but she takes it to another level and it was starting to affect the kids, what they expected, and the way they carried on. I believe that what you said and the way you handled things is a good way to go about it as long as you explain everytime your reasoning (which you did). I would handle situations like that very similar to you :)

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kalliry
by Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Oh ya definitely...any financial issues or struggles by no means should any kids know or worry about...its just more so about them appreciating things and not just expecting to get everything all the time..like i said im all about spoiling when its in the budget..but all the time..im not for...kids are kids..theyre going to ask for new things all the time..as long as theyre not throwing fits and they understand why they were told no..its all good i think.


Quoting the4mutts:

Thanks :)

Its a touchy subject, because we live comfortably, but we're by no means "rich". I don't want my kids thinking we're about to be homeless or anything, but I do want them to know that we work and pay for their things. I don't want them feeling entitled, or wasting what we give them.




Quoting kalliry:

I believe that teaching the value of a dollar even at a younger age (as long as theyre old enough to understand) is actually a good thing. My dh and I live and teach similar to the way you do. He has two kids with his ex and she spoils them to the extreme. No theres nothing wrong with a little spoiling here and there but she takes it to another level and it was starting to affect the kids, what they expected, and the way they carried on. I believe that what you said and the way you handled things is a good way to go about it as long as you explain everytime your reasoning (which you did). I would handle situations like that very similar to you :)


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MusherMaggie
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2012 at 7:12 PM

I like your approach.  Children are so materialistic these days.  I wish I had made my children earn some of the things they asked for in the early days.  If they're old enough to ask for name brands, they are old enough to learn about value.  I think there are probably some good resources out there for teaching financial savvy to children in an age-appropriate manner.

sjump25
by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:33 PM

I definitely think it's good!  It's one thing to put money issues on them, but to teach them the value of a dollar at a young age is good IMO.

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