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Making house decisions without you, how would you feel?

Posted by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 1:13 PM
  • 15 Replies

Both my husband and I work. I work part time.  I take care of the majority of the household task, the majority of the childcare, and help pay what bills I can from my part-time paycheck.  My husband frequently tells me out of the blue that something is going to be fixed, upgraded, changed, etc.  Most of the time it doesn't bother me.  For example, if the wiring needs fixed well by all means do it.  But he never consults me he just says this is what's going to happen.  

Well the latest project he told me they were putting a ceiling fan in the kitchen because he really wanted a fan in the kitchen. I told him I'd like to go with him to help him pick it out because the last one he picked out in the living room does not shed much light and makes the living room look like a cave.  He said "oh yea yea".  Well the next thing I know him and his dad decided they're also retiling the kitchen ceiling, putting in track lighting, upgrading the wiring, and changing light switches and outlets. All these decisions were made between them and I wasn't even consulted.  But I said it was fine but I wanted to help pick out the ceiling tile and asked him how a ceiling fan turned into a laundry list without me knowing.  He just said it will be nice and i'll be glad when it's done.  

Then I found out him and his dad went and decided on the ceiling fan, track lighting, and everything else without me again.  They bought the ceiling tile and brought it home.  The ceiling tile is the exact ceiling tile that was in the house I grew up in that I had to stare at for about 20 years at my parents house.  I told him I didn't care for it but he brushed it off.  They started putting it up and the more they put up the more I didn't care for it.  My husband made sure to tell his dad that I didn't like it as his dad was putting it up. They started making fun of me and whispering around the corner and saying stuff.  They said "If you would have told me before we put it up I could have taken it back"  I told him I did tell him but he didn't even consult me before he  bought it all and brought it home.  

This isn't the first time this has happened.  Furniture comes into the house that I don't want and I was never even asked, painting has been done without asking what I thought about the colors, etc.  I don't feel like it's my house.  I don't think I'm alone in saying half the fun of remodeling is picking out colors, and deciding on designs together.  I say my piece and he says he'll consult me and I we can go shopping together but the next project comes along and it's the same story. 

I need opinions.  To be fair, I am pregnant.  Is it possible that maybe I'm just too emotional?  What would you do? How would you feel?






by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 1:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kimsardo
by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 1:34 PM

You said this isn't the firs time this has happened so it's nothing new. Just they way he operates. It is possible that you are emotional because of the pregnancy. Did it bother you this much before? That would be a good gage.  I don't now how I'd feel but maybe next time I'd bet him to the punch and go get the stuff myself.

cuddlemommy87
by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 1:48 PM

i want my picture as my profile pic how do i do that i ned your help

QueenMinah
by Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 4:29 PM
It sounds like you have allowed this behavior in past without an issue. In all fairness to your husband, you should sit him down let him know that your needs have change.
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angiewith2
by Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 5:37 PM


Quoting QueenMinah:

It sounds like you have allowed this behavior in past without an issue. In all fairness to your husband, you should sit him down let him know that your needs have change.

I actually have not. have talked to him until I'm blue in the face with each project. Everytime he tell me he's going to do something I tell him I want to go with him to help him pick things out and he says ok.  Then I come home from work and there is everything sitting in the house or worse he started working on it already putting things up or painting without my knowledge.  I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face about how I feel like he doesn't respect my opinion, how I feel this house isn't even part  mine because I never get help make the decisions that help make this house ours.  Even when I straight tell him I don't like something he sometimes does it anyway.  I've told him in as many ways as possible how this makes me feel and how unhappy it makes me at times but he doesn't seem to care.  He's often told people (including my sister) that this is his house and not ours because he pays for it and it's in his name. The bank told him he legally has to add my name to the house now but he has yet to do it. We've been married for over 4 years and moved into this house together as husband and wife. He takes his dad's opinions over mine with issues of the house and let's his dad talk him into anything.  

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Oct. 21, 2012 at 8:43 PM


Quoting QueenMinah:

It sounds like you have allowed this behavior in past without an issue. In all fairness to your husband, you should sit him down let him know that your needs have change.

You have said it well!

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:47 PM
That would NOT be ok with me...
Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Oct. 22, 2012 at 12:38 AM

Well, I wouldn't like it too much.  However, my husband decided we were going to move into this apartment before I ever saw it.  He had me sign the papers for this place sight unseen back in Dec 09.  *I honestly didn't mind because I knew this place had 5 bedrooms/2 bathrooms and the place we were moving from was only 2 bedrooms/1 bathroom*

But it was odd.

Mehganh
by Member on Oct. 22, 2012 at 12:43 AM
I would not be happy!
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polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2012 at 12:50 AM
If it had been the first time something like that happened, I would chalk it up to pregnancy hormones, but its not. I would be pissed off too. Tell him he needs to remember that marriage is a partnership.
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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 22, 2012 at 12:53 AM

This here.

Quoting polkaspots:

If it had been the first time something like that happened, I would chalk it up to pregnancy hormones, but its not. I would be pissed off too. Tell him he needs to remember that marriage is a partnership.


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