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*Pregnant 15 yo* Was her mom right to say this? Edit in Red.

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Poll

Question: Do you feel the mom was right in saying that?

Options:

Yes. It's true. If she wants to be a mom she needs to take complete and unrealistic responsibility for her burden.

No. I don't feel that's fair at all.

I think that some responsibilty is good. But what the mom is asking is unreasonable.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 219

View Results

In response to questions, I contacted my aunt who knows the family, today. The update from her is that the mom will not allow her daughter to get on any type of assistance. She is of the mind that you take care of your own and don't live off the government. She has always paid her own way and she expects her daughter to do no less. Schools with free daycare is off the table too. She will not coddle her and let her take the easy way out.

There's a 15 year old girl. She got pregnant by her boyfriend who skipped out soon after. And she hid the pregnancy from her parents until it was too late for an abortion.Now she's 6 months pregnant and her mom is pushing hard for adoption. She has her whole life ahead of her, she doesn't need to be saddled with a baby, yada, yada, yada. But the girl really wants to keep her baby.So finally this is what the mom said,

Mom: "Okay." "You want to keep you baby?" "You take care of him all the time." "I will not be a babysitter." "I raised my baby, now it's your turn."

Daughter: "But what about school?" "Aren't you going to watch him while I'm at school?"

Mom: "No." "Looks like you're going to be needing a job to pay for daycare." "Not to mention his diapers, formula, clothes and whatever else he needs." "You want to be a mom so bad?" "Then take on all the responsibilities of a mother.

Daughter: "But that's not fair!"

by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 9:22 PM
Replies (211-216):
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:50 AM

That's what I thought...

Anyways, why am I so concerned? Because it's wrong. What other reason do I need?

Quoting dudestfd:

No, I didn't. My mother taught me to keep my legs closed and if I didn't to make sure it was wrapped up tight. Why are you so concerned about someone else's kid?  

Quoting paganbaby:


Yes it is the point.

So I take it you didn't?

Quoting dudestfd:

 Doing it with a newborn was not the point it was the time management. If you do not like how the mother is handling HER child go adopt her or something.. Stop arguing with the people here who feel the 15 yr old should have to take responsibility for her actions. 

Quoting paganbaby:

Not if her mom doesn't allow her too. She needs permission to attend online school. As for state aid, they go off of the parents income and mom doesn't agree, she won't get that either.
My senior yr I went to school, collage, and worked 30-40 hrs a week. When I graduated was a certified nursing assistant and was half way through a a bachelor of science degree. She can do it, she just needs to learn time management.

That's great. Did you do it with a newborn?

Quoting dudestfd:

She can do school online and a part time job will help with the cost of baby. Besides she can get state help (I doubt she would go without it and she qualifies for a lot of things including help with child care.) She can work during the day while baby is at day care and come home to do school work with the baby, she can do both. My senior yr I went to school, collage, and worked 30-40 hrs a week. When I graduated was a certified nursing assistant and was half way through a a bachelor of science degree. She can do it, she just needs to learn time management. 

Quoting paganbaby:

The thing is, it's not possible for her to "step up" like her mother wants her too. In order to pay for daycare during school and work hours, plus pay for everything the baby needs, she would have to work at least a full time job. But being under age, that's illegal.

But lets say it was legal. How many adults do you know work 15+ hours day with a new born baby much less a teenager? 8 hours for work and 7 hours for school, not including homework and travel time. I don't know about you, but I don't know any and there's a reason for that.

If single moms can get help with childcare and expenses while they go to school, then why can't she?






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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:54 AM

That makes perfect sense.

But I don't feel like the mom wants to compromise. First she's angry the daughter didn't abort. (That's why the daughter hid the pregnancy) And she's pissed because she won't give the baby up. I don't think compromise is her thing :-/

Quoting Thelmama:

I think the mom has a point, but I would also help my child. As long as she took responsibility, helped make the income to support the baby with a part time job, stayed in school with good grades etc, then I'd help with babysitting and such. If she refused those responsibilities, I would then have her sign custody over to me to raise the child. There is a logical compromise in the situation if they work together as a family.

In this situation, I think assistance while she is going to school etc, it not a bad thing. BUT, she would have to work for it and she'd be responsible for paying me for childcare, in this situation to help her learn if you have a child, you have to pay child care expenses etc. Living with me, she'd also have to keep her room clean and help with all household chores and any chores that involved her child.  


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:55 AM

The mom told my aunt who told me.

Quoting BethRae:

How do you know the conversation that took place between them?


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Thelmama
by Thelma on Oct. 29, 2012 at 11:18 AM

That is sad.  It is also a sure way to damage her relationship with her daugther forever. So sad.

Quoting paganbaby:

That makes perfect sense.

But I don't feel like the mom wants to compromise. First she's angry the daughter didn't abort. (That's why the daughter hid the pregnancy) And she's pissed because she won't give the baby up. I don't think compromise is her thing :-/

Quoting Thelmama:

I think the mom has a point, but I would also help my child. As long as she took responsibility, helped make the income to support the baby with a part time job, stayed in school with good grades etc, then I'd help with babysitting and such. If she refused those responsibilities, I would then have her sign custody over to me to raise the child. There is a logical compromise in the situation if they work together as a family.

In this situation, I think assistance while she is going to school etc, it not a bad thing. BUT, she would have to work for it and she'd be responsible for paying me for childcare, in this situation to help her learn if you have a child, you have to pay child care expenses etc. Living with me, she'd also have to keep her room clean and help with all household chores and any chores that involved her child.  



bikersgirl54
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 1:05 PM
Hello there Paganbaby, my name is Linda Matteson and my son's ex girlfriend is also pregnant, but my son's ex gf is 18 and my son David just turned 20 yrs. old. Well I put it this way, my son's ex-gf has been with other guys too, while my son was in jail, Hope it's not my son's as soon as the baby is born, my son david is taking a DNA test and if we find out that it's not his, he will go off on his ex gf. She's due around may and before that, my son David broke up with her. So we are parying it's not his, cuz he does not have any income other that Social Security and with that money he as to pay his resitution of $450 till he turns 21 which is next Oct. Also, apparently your mom has been there and done that too, I was only 17 yrs. old when I got pregnant and I didn't tell my mom of course I never met my dad to say the least. But my mom was not too happy either when I got pregnant. but I asked mom that if my baby would of lived, if she would take care of him while I went to school. So my choice had to be either quit school or go to work, in that time of frame I was sad because I lost my baby. Any questions please ask away ok. Hope I helped, if not, I'm sorry, good luck
dudestfd
by Member on Oct. 29, 2012 at 4:10 PM

It is not wrong for the kid who wants to be an adult to be responsible. You do not need one bc it is not your child to worry about. If your kid gets pregnant you can serve it and the baby hand and foot, but until then do not judge another moms actions bc you feel it is ok for a 15 yr to not be responsible for their actions.

Quoting paganbaby:

That's what I thought...

Anyways, why am I so concerned? Because it's wrong. What other reason do I need?

Quoting dudestfd:

No, I didn't. My mother taught me to keep my legs closed and if I didn't to make sure it was wrapped up tight. Why are you so concerned about someone else's kid?  

Quoting paganbaby:


Yes it is the point.

So I take it you didn't?

Quoting dudestfd:

 Doing it with a newborn was not the point it was the time management. If you do not like how the mother is handling HER child go adopt her or something.. Stop arguing with the people here who feel the 15 yr old should have to take responsibility for her actions. 

Quoting paganbaby:

Not if her mom doesn't allow her too. She needs permission to attend online school. As for state aid, they go off of the parents income and mom doesn't agree, she won't get that either.
My senior yr I went to school, collage, and worked 30-40 hrs a week. When I graduated was a certified nursing assistant and was half way through a a bachelor of science degree. She can do it, she just needs to learn time management.

That's great. Did you do it with a newborn?

Quoting dudestfd:

She can do school online and a part time job will help with the cost of baby. Besides she can get state help (I doubt she would go without it and she qualifies for a lot of things including help with child care.) She can work during the day while baby is at day care and come home to do school work with the baby, she can do both. My senior yr I went to school, collage, and worked 30-40 hrs a week. When I graduated was a certified nursing assistant and was half way through a a bachelor of science degree. She can do it, she just needs to learn time management. 

Quoting paganbaby:

The thing is, it's not possible for her to "step up" like her mother wants her too. In order to pay for daycare during school and work hours, plus pay for everything the baby needs, she would have to work at least a full time job. But being under age, that's illegal.

But lets say it was legal. How many adults do you know work 15+ hours day with a new born baby much less a teenager? 8 hours for work and 7 hours for school, not including homework and travel time. I don't know about you, but I don't know any and there's a reason for that.

If single moms can get help with childcare and expenses while they go to school, then why can't she?







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