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Step parenting: Do's and Don'ts

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:07 AM
  • 14 Replies
My kids are part of a blended family due to their father marrying after we divorced four years ago, and I will be marrying soon, and my fiancé has children from a previous relationship. Our kids are under the age of 16 years old. What would you say are the Do's and Don'ts when it comes to being part of a blended family?
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:51 PM

I have no idea, but here's a bump :)

Bonneata
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:55 PM

Do you have a good relationship with your soon to be step kids? 

mami2my3rugratz
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:14 PM

Thank you Kmakksmom. :-)

Quoting Kmakksmom:

I have no idea, but here's a bump :)


Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:17 PM

You're Welcome :)

Quoting mami2my3rugratz:

Thank you Kmakksmom. :-)

Quoting Kmakksmom:

I have no idea, but here's a bump :)



Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:17 PM

 I have a 16 year old step daughter and my best advice is to stand behind your spouse on issues of  parenting.  Be supportive, but know that your opinion is not needed.  I have been in my step daughter's life for the last 12 years, but honestly I just stand back.  It has worked out very well for us.

mami2my3rugratz
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:21 PM

Yes Bonneata, we get along great. Sometimes I take them places with me when they are around and my kids are with their dad and stepmom. If we are all together, we have a lot of fun. We talk and do a lot as a family. I know I'm not their mother and my fiance knows he's not my kids father, but I just want to make sure there are no limits or boundaries crossed. I've had some things to take place that weren't too favorable with my kids ex's current wife toward the kids, and I'm just making sure. My dad had three other wives after my mom and I only got along with one and we are still close. But for me, this is not new but new in a sense that I'm now going to be a stepmom.

Quoting Bonneata:

Do you have a good relationship with your soon to be step kids? 


mami2my3rugratz
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Thanks Kodysmommy928. My fiance is really quick at jumping in especially if I tell my kids something and they get temporary amnesia. Sometimes I think he can be a little hard on them but he says he doesn't want them "running over me" as he puts it. He was raised in a sort of strict household and I was too, so it's like the "do as I say" mentality. I didn't too much care for it then when I was reared, and I guess I'm a bit lenient now. My mom tells me I'm too lenient. I've been a single mom for about 6 years now. The kids get along with my fiance but there are times that they say he gets on their nerves. He's very attentive to their needs, and very playful and too playful at times(this part was in another post I wrote).  Also we just started having weekly family meetings on Sunday's.

Quoting Kodysmommy928:

 I have a 16 year old step daughter and my best advice is to stand behind your spouse on issues of  parenting.  Be supportive, but know that your opinion is not needed.  I have been in my step daughter's life for the last 12 years, but honestly I just stand back.  It has worked out very well for us.


Bonneata
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mami2my3rugratz:

Yes Bonneata, we get along great. Sometimes I take them places with me when they are around and my kids are with their dad and stepmom. If we are all together, we have a lot of fun. We talk and do a lot as a family. I know I'm not their mother and my fiance knows he's not my kids father, but I just want to make sure there are no limits or boundaries crossed. I've had some things to take place that weren't too favorable with my kids ex's current wife toward the kids, and I'm just making sure. My dad had three other wives after my mom and I only got along with one and we are still close. But for me, this is not new but new in a sense that I'm now going to be a stepmom.

Quoting Bonneata:

Do you have a good relationship with your soon to be step kids? 


It sounds to me like you may have it figured out. My best advice is to treat all the kids equally yours and his. You are all one family. Nothing aggravates step children more than feeling like a 3rd wheel. ( both my parents remarried and this drove me bananas) my parents had uniform rules no matter who's home I stayed in . Moms rules where the same as dads this kept everyone on the same page and me getting away with nothing. I hope it works. I thought and still do think heavens for my step parents. 

mami2my3rugratz
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:25 PM

Thanks. I know how it feels to be the third wheel, because I was that with my dad's first two wives, but the last one treats me like her own. Funny thing is, my dad doesn't want me to have a relationship with his last wife and he messed up as he did with all of his marriages. Nevertheless, I love my kids and my fiances kids. He lost one of his children last year, and it still runs deep for us both. We are still establishing some grounds with our kids though. The family meetings definitely helps a lot. No one is treated differently, and a lot of times I think my kids think they can get over or feel as if "he's not my dad, so he can't tell me anything" but I am one to set that straight real quick.

Quoting Bonneata:


Quoting mami2my3rugratz:

Yes Bonneata, we get along great. Sometimes I take them places with me when they are around and my kids are with their dad and stepmom. If we are all together, we have a lot of fun. We talk and do a lot as a family. I know I'm not their mother and my fiance knows he's not my kids father, but I just want to make sure there are no limits or boundaries crossed. I've had some things to take place that weren't too favorable with my kids ex's current wife toward the kids, and I'm just making sure. My dad had three other wives after my mom and I only got along with one and we are still close. But for me, this is not new but new in a sense that I'm now going to be a stepmom.

Quoting Bonneata:

Do you have a good relationship with your soon to be step kids? 


It sounds to me like you may have it figured out. My best advice is to treat all the kids equally yours and his. You are all one family. Nothing aggravates step children more than feeling like a 3rd wheel. ( both my parents remarried and this drove me bananas) my parents had uniform rules no matter who's home I stayed in . Moms rules where the same as dads this kept everyone on the same page and me getting away with nothing. I hope it works. I thought and still do think heavens for my step parents. 


PurpleHazey
by Angie on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:20 PM


Quoting Bonneata:

Do you have a good relationship with your soon to be step kids? 

Agreed

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