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almost monster-in-law

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When my fiancée's mom found out I was pregnant she tried shoving abortion at me. Yea I was young, and he didn't have a job, but that was harsh. All through my pregnancy she made it a living hell, and did nothing to help. She even decided to hide my pregnancy from her family until I was 7 months pregnant, and her neighbor saw me. When I went into labor she didn't come to the hospital, and she didn't ask how we were. She just yelled at her son to spend a night at home. My son is almost a year old, and she wants to put photos all around her house, and get a bracelet with his birthstone on it. Is it wrong of me to not want her to?
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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:43 PM
Replies (11-20):
angiewith2
by Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know all the circumstances but I'm sure there was a bit of shock.  I don't know the family values, if they are very religious the idea may have been disappointing. Maybe she just needed some time.  I'm not defending her because it's aweful she said that to you and treated you the way she did.  How is her attitude towards you now? Maybe once she saw the baby she realized she was wrong for being that way. I don't know but it's always best to try to make things work.  My MIL and I don't always see eye to eye but I try to focus on the positive when I can.  I know it has to be hard for hubby to try to choose who is write and who is wrong between his wife and his mother

cherylam
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:39 AM

I'm no help... when I was in heavy labor with my son, my first MIL sat beside me, reading the National Enquirer and telling me I was breathing wrong, lol...first hubbys family hated me, hated my kids, hated everything about us until he died.  Then I was the beatch from hell and he was a saint, and told stories about me to my kids, none of which were true.  Talk about family drama!  I've remarried and moved on, but my daughter thinks her aunts walk on water <sigh>....

Legaltype
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:21 PM

Nope, not in the least.

bigmama423
by Liz on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:55 PM


Quoting calsmom62:

Think about it in a larger sense...she is your child's grandmother, and will likely be a recurring presence in your son's life. It will be less confusing and less stressful for your son if you are able to help foster a positive relationship BTW him and her. Even though she pushes your buttons. And frankly one day you might begin to find out that she is appreciative of a what a great daughter in law and mother you turned out to be. Good luck. It took me five years to have my mil admit hubby didn't make a bad choice in mates.....

I've been married for 8 years and it's still a war between his mother and I.

You make a very good point, but every one's situation is different. Some people are just awful, like my MIL is.

I do not consider her a grandparent to my children, she doesn't deserve the tittle. They do not even recognize her as grandma, when she comes around they ask who's that. Sad but true. My oldest are almost 7 & 8, so they're not to young to know. She's a horrible lady. She only cares about her son, my husband. She pays very little attention to the kids when she's around, and she pays no attention to me at all.




bigmama423
by Liz on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:57 PM

Forgot to add, I think my kids are better off without her in their life anyways. She's truly an awful person.

CutieCrab
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:59 PM
I agree

Quoting kimsardo:


Quoting boobear2012:

He thinks its perfectly fine of her to want these things.

It is fine for her to want these things, it is natural, normal and healthy. Let her, she is starting to deal with things and accept things.  Don't worry about her so much. Be kind, she is the mom of your husband and grandma to your child. She is family.

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boobear2012
by Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 2:37 PM
Thank you. And thanks everybody. I am trying to get along for the sake of my son and SO. I'm still not happy about it, but maybe sometime in the future I'll forgive and let go.


Quoting polkaspots:

My parents also pushed abortion when I got pregnant. It sucked, but now they adore my daughter. My dad has her as his phone background. It took them a while to adjust to the fact that I was having a baby at nineteen. They love her like they love me and my sister. I understand your frustration, and I know it's hard to let your mil be happy with your baby when she pushed abortion. But things change. I understand its tough to share, but if she wants these things for her own enjoyment, it shows that she really loves your son. Don't use her past against her. You wouldn't want her to.

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boobear2012
by Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 2:41 PM
1 mom liked this
That's how she is now. Rarely will she actually talk to me, but not like it was before my son was born.


Quoting bigmama423:


Quoting calsmom62:

Think about it in a larger sense...she is your child's grandmother, and will likely be a recurring presence in your son's life. It will be less confusing and less stressful for your son if you are able to help foster a positive relationship BTW him and her. Even though she pushes your buttons. And frankly one day you might begin to find out that she is appreciative of a what a great daughter in law and mother you turned out to be. Good luck. It took me five years to have my mil admit hubby didn't make a bad choice in mates.....

I've been married for 8 years and it's still a war between his mother and I.

You make a very good point, but every one's situation is different. Some people are just awful, like my MIL is.

I do not consider her a grandparent to my children, she doesn't deserve the tittle. They do not even recognize her as grandma, when she comes around they ask who's that. Sad but true. My oldest are almost 7 & 8, so they're not to young to know. She's a horrible lady. She only cares about her son, my husband. She pays very little attention to the kids when she's around, and she pays no attention to me at all.





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bigmama423
by Liz on Nov. 21, 2012 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Some people just have serious issues.

You do what you feel is best for you and your little one...that's all I can say. :)

Aishamusty
by Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 3:31 PM

Most times people  don't really know how to handle certain situations, give her a chance to make up for behaviour

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