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almost monster-in-law

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When my fiancée's mom found out I was pregnant she tried shoving abortion at me. Yea I was young, and he didn't have a job, but that was harsh. All through my pregnancy she made it a living hell, and did nothing to help. She even decided to hide my pregnancy from her family until I was 7 months pregnant, and her neighbor saw me. When I went into labor she didn't come to the hospital, and she didn't ask how we were. She just yelled at her son to spend a night at home. My son is almost a year old, and she wants to put photos all around her house, and get a bracelet with his birthstone on it. Is it wrong of me to not want her to?
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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:43 PM
Replies (21-30):
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this
The more time you spend with her, the more you'll start to see her point of view. Imagine yourself 16 or so years from now. You would probably be scared for your son if he found out his gf was pregnant.
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suziSunshine678
by Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 5:39 PM

i can feel the hurt that she made you feel - and there was no reason she should have acted like that - it takes two people to make a baby - and one of them was HER SON -

to hopefully have a much better relationship with her, i think that i would just try to forgive her for her past actions, and start new with her -

it sounds as though she wants to be part of your son's life and she is YOUR  dh's mom and the grandmother of your son -

if you don't let her in now, your son will be the one who is most hurt -

please be the bigger person - and take the higher road - it will really make your dh happy and also could bring you and m-i-l to a different relationship - for the better - try not to hold a grudge -

i'm sorry for what she put you through in the past - but, as i said, i would just be kind and let her into your family now - it sounds as though she realizes the harm she has done and is so wanting to now become a part of your family -

hugss - suzi

calsmom62
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 5:49 PM
Sorry you have such a negative relationship with your mil with no end in sight. Good thing we can choose our friends, if not our! relatives


Quoting bigmama423:


Quoting calsmom62:

Think about it in a larger sense...she is your child's grandmother, and will likely be a recurring presence in your son's life. It will be less confusing and less stressful for your son if you are able to help foster a positive relationship BTW him and her. Even though she pushes your buttons. And frankly one day you might begin to find out that she is appreciative of a what a great daughter in law and mother you turned out to be. Good luck. It took me five years to have my mil admit hubby didn't make a bad choice in mates.....

I've been married for 8 years and it's still a war between his mother and I.

You make a very good point, but every one's situation is different. Some people are just awful, like my MIL is.

I do not consider her a grandparent to my children, she doesn't deserve the tittle. They do not even recognize her as grandma, when she comes around they ask who's that. Sad but true. My oldest are almost 7 & 8, so they're not to young to know. She's a horrible lady. She only cares about her son, my husband. She pays very little attention to the kids when she's around, and she pays no attention to me at all.





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Kris_PBG
by Representative on Nov. 21, 2012 at 6:04 PM

You can not want her to - but really isn't it better for your son to have a grandma connected with him and that loves him?

Maybe she was ignorant and now "gets it"?

bigmama423
by Liz on Nov. 21, 2012 at 6:22 PM

True!

Thanks, it does suck!

My ex's family was awesome, but my ex sucked! Now my hubby is wonderful for the most part, ;) but his family is awful!

If I would have known his family better before we got married, I doubt I would have married him.


Quoting calsmom62:

Sorry you have such a negative relationship with your mil with no end in sight. Good thing we can choose our friends, if not our! relatives


Quoting bigmama423:


Quoting calsmom62:

Think about it in a larger sense...she is your child's grandmother, and will likely be a recurring presence in your son's life. It will be less confusing and less stressful for your son if you are able to help foster a positive relationship BTW him and her. Even though she pushes your buttons. And frankly one day you might begin to find out that she is appreciative of a what a great daughter in law and mother you turned out to be. Good luck. It took me five years to have my mil admit hubby didn't make a bad choice in mates.....

I've been married for 8 years and it's still a war between his mother and I.

You make a very good point, but every one's situation is different. Some people are just awful, like my MIL is.

I do not consider her a grandparent to my children, she doesn't deserve the tittle. They do not even recognize her as grandma, when she comes around they ask who's that. Sad but true. My oldest are almost 7 & 8, so they're not to young to know. She's a horrible lady. She only cares about her son, my husband. She pays very little attention to the kids when she's around, and she pays no attention to me at all.






PurpleHazey
by Angie on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, why wouldn't you want your son to have a grandparent...ease up she will love him like no tomorrow....It is all about him!

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:54 PM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

You can not want her to - but really isn't it better for your son to have a grandma connected with him and that loves him?

Maybe she was ignorant and now "gets it"?

You said it a lot better then I did.

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:55 PM


Quoting polkaspots:

The more time you spend with her, the more you'll start to see her point of view. Imagine yourself 16 or so years from now. You would probably be scared for your son if he found out his gf was pregnant.

I like this.

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Nov. 22, 2012 at 2:42 AM

My MiL is nice when she wants to be.  Lately, she doesn't want to be.  If she wanted pics of our kids and bracelets with their birthstones on them I wouldn't mind.  They are her grandkids.

boobear2012
by Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 3:13 AM
Hell ya I'd b terrified! But I'd b there for both of them no matter what


Quoting polkaspots:

The more time you spend with her, the more you'll start to see her point of view. Imagine yourself 16 or so years from now. You would probably be scared for your son if he found out his gf was pregnant.

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