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I really hate myself at this point..

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:50 AM
  • 12 Replies
I just got out of an abusive relationship. I was with him for 2 years. Well, i never thought he would hurt my children, because my boys never acted like he hurt them, they always wanted to play with him. Well, i noticed these marks on my 3 year old that looked like lighter burns. Well after cps and the cops talked to my children it was determind that he burnt my child, and that he also would kick them when I wasn't around. Well he is now locked up and facing a lot of charges. I have tired to leave this man 3 times. But I hate myself and feel like I have failed my boys because I failed to protect them. I let a man drain me dry and only gave my children and I scars. We are living in a motel because of him. I feel like the worst mother and person ever. I'm just grateful that we are away from him now. By the time he gets out of jail, my boys and I will either be far away or somewhere where he will never be able to find us. I went and had a peace order issued.

Everytime I would try to leave him, he would make me feel as if I wasn't good enough for anyone not even my children. And he also had me thinking that I'm worthless and no one would ever love me. (I still feel this way) he would also threaten to kill me if I left. But I'm finally away. I was seriously starting to think about signing my rights of my children over to their father and I was going to kill myself.

But now he is gone and its just my boys and I. This is the happiest I have been in a long time. I do however want to kill this man. (I won't thought because my children need me)

I really do hate myself for letting this happen.
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by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:50 AM
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by Jennifer on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:00 AM
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 I am so sorry for what your and your children are going through.  Have you spoken with someone?  I think it would be a good idea to check in to counseling resources in your area for you and your children.  Depending on where you live, there should be domestic abuse counselling at either no cost or a very small charge. 

Just remember that you have made the right first step.  He isn't hurting you or the kids anymore.  You did the right thing, as soon as you found out about the abuse, you left.  Things can only get better from this point forward. 

by Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:13 AM
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You are not alone. I escaped an abusive man in the dead of night under cover of darkness because I'd been held hostage at gunpoint the day before when I tried to leave.

Listen to me. Leaving your DH is the single BEST thing you could have done for your children. This makes you an EXCELLENT mother who put the safety and needs of her children first. No one will fault you for not being successful on your first attempt to leave. It is incredibly difficult and complicated to do so and you had your reasons for staying the first two times.

You absolutely have NOT failed your children! You saved your own life and potentially theirs! Failing them would have involved standing by and doing nothing after the discovery that he'd harmed one of them. You didnt do that. You got the hell out of there and congratulations to you for finally seeing the light and having the courage to make a clean break.

You are more than welcome to PM me if you'd like to chat. I am here to listen.

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by Amanda on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:35 AM
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i'm sorry. *HUGS* i was in an abusive relationship, too for a few years, so i know the whole emotional process. i tried to leave this man multiple times, but he scared me. i am divorced from him now and engaged to the most wonderful man.

by Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:37 AM
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by Representative on Nov. 25, 2012 at 9:18 AM
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Please allow yourself to recognize you acted once you knew they were unsafe and got them out! That is HUGE!

Please call a domestic violence agency in your area.  They can help you get a new life and with counseling.

You are brave - hang in there!

If you don't know your local options - call this number - they will tell you.  1-800-799-SAFE.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:47 PM
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You are a hero to you children for having this man sent to jail and getting away. It took me time leave my abusive ex too. I got a job then went to work one day and just didn't go home afterwards. This was the best thing I ever did. I knew if I didn't I would never forgive myself if I put his dispicable but in the ground even in self defense . You did the right thing this man doesn't deserve you. Is a worthless as father. No parent should EVER harm a child . Shame on him not you. 

by JoAnna on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:56 PM
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  It's not your fault, you got your kids and yourself out of that which is a brave move. GL

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Hating yourself will get you no where. Get some help, services, whatever is out there. You are not in a motel because of him. You are in a motel because you are saving your families life. This is a good change. Keep moving forward. You can do it. You are worth it.

by New Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:00 PM
Thank you ladie
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by Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:20 PM

It's not your fault, no matter how much you think it is. I would suggest you go and talk to someone about it or you will resent yourself for ever. Feel better soon!

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