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i want another, he doesn't. help!

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:07 AM
  • 36 Replies
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So I feel like it is right to have another child. You know how some people just get that feeling of its time? Well, I talked to my husband a while ago and told him. He flip flopped, saying he wasnt sure. But we tried. Once. Then he said "you know, I really don't want another." I just had a month where I was a week late, then had the witch come and I am really disapointed. And after telling him this last night he said "can't you respect that I don't want another one?" Ha, well can't he respect that I do? This is an argument that there isn't much middle ground. Right now is a perfect opportunity b/c I will have a window for a break in school for due dates. He wants me to wait till I'm done with school....about 3 years from now. That would make me 30 and I've told him from the get go I didn't want any after 28! He knows and knew this. *sigh* Originally we talked about having 2 and he seemed good with it. I just don't know what to do. I feel cheated and sad. I love my husband very much and want the experience of creating another beautiful life with him. He says our finances are too strapped, but I think it would be ok. We spend our "strapped cash" very carelessly now. I keep having dreams that I lose my children and wake up in tears. I just don't know how to deal with this. How to open his eyes? Any advice? Tips to get thru these feelings? I can't really explain how or why my feeling is so strong to have another child but it's really affecting me mentally. I fear that 5 years down the line I will be really upset and (hopefully not) resentful that we never tried again. I don't want this to come between our relationship but still. I'm just lost. I am working my ass off to get thru school to provide a nice lifestyle for us, and yes, we are on a budget, but being the budget queen I am, I truly feel we can handle this. Please help with any stories, help on dealing with this feeling? Thanks ladies.

sad

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:52 AM
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He isn't slamming the door shut and saying that he never wants another, he is just saying he would like a couple more years.  I honestly don't think that he is being unreasonable here. 

EireLass
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

If he does not want one, do not have one. No, this doesn't give him the upper hand, but his not wanting one will be reflected in his actions (towards you and baby if you have one.

sarasue719
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:59 AM

I never said he was being unreasonable, I just know how he is and a few years from now, its going to "well, now I'm too old".

stillkim
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:09 AM

Maybe you can compromise on your age of 28. Wait until school is over then have a baby.

Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:10 PM

So basically, you aren't looking for a compromise, you just want him to do it your way?  He is offering a very legitimate solution and you are disregarding his concerns in the matter.  I know how you feel about wanting another baby, I have felt that urge myself.  We gave ourselves 5 years because the timing just wasn't right when our wants where there.  30 isn't a death sentence, your uterus isn't going to shrivel up and fall out, I promise, but if you honestly can't wait that long, see if he would be willing to try in a year.

Quoting sarasue719:

I never said he was being unreasonable, I just know how he is and a few years from now, its going to "well, now I'm too old".


sarasue719
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:48 PM

Maybe I just wasn't clear when I said I was looking for some help on how to deal with these feelings. I don't want to force him. I dont want to do it in a year b/c I will smack in the middle of nursing school. I feel like waiting till I'm done with school isn't a good option b/c I will be in my first year of nursing and leaving on maternity just doesn't seem like a good idea. I'm trying to figure out how to get this feeling of hurt, sadness, wanting out. I just feel like I have to bottle everything up, ignore it, wait, so he can give his reason to wait and then, after a few years of waiting like he is asking, I KNOW how he will react. The answer will be no, b/c he is too old now. 

But ah well, I was just hoping for some positive outlooks and talking about how I felt to kind of cope with this unfamiliar feeling I have, but I guess my post was a little confusing about that. =]

bigmama423
by Liz on Dec. 5, 2012 at 2:02 PM

None of my kids were planned, so I can't really help. We never had any talks..

I think you should try to sit down and calmly explain everything and how you feel about it. Maybe he will see things differently. Good luck! I hope you both come to some sort of resolution. Sorry I'm not much help...

harream
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 2:54 PM

I'm in the same boat - hubby doesn't want anymore and I want one more! Having a hard time dealing with the feeling of never being prego or breastfeeding again :-( Only thing I can say is give it time but I know it's hard (specially if you have strong feelings about like I do). What I found with other things is if you just let it be for awhile he might change his mind sooner rather than later and having one when your 30 isn't that bad ;-) ( was almost 31 when our last one was born) Good luck.

sarasue719
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 3:48 PM

I'm sure we will figure out something. I just worry about stuffing emotions away and unintentionally holding ill feelings. Who knows, I may wake up a week from now and get over it. Doubt it. Ha. It's hard to even explain to him why I feel this way when I'm not even sure. It was a surprise to me to want another little one! Idk, just seems unfair at the moment. Besides just waiting there really isn't anything we can do to compromise. 

Ah well, nothing I can really do it seems!

sabrtooth1
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:48 PM

He told you loud and clear he does NOT want another child.  He told you loud and clear you (plural) cannot afford another child.  If YOU are capable of supporting BOTH yourself and your child/ren, then keep up the whining, or trick him into pregnancy, and you will find yourself on the curb, divorced.

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