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I need back surgery n no support

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:01 AM
  • 15 Replies
I just found out my disk in my back is gone. Bone on bone. I'm going to have to have surgery and my man is not supportive. He doesn't listen to what I'm going thru. He didn't even realize my legs were going numb and my right one was going out from under me before my last Injection on Wednesday. He told me last night that I've been worse since the injection which I've been having back spasms on top of everything else and my sugar has been thru the roof. I get no help around the house I'm the only one that drives were working in getting his license back but I don't know when. how is this house is going to run with me getting the surgery and maybe staying in the hospital n not being able to drive. He goes to work at 2:30 am-3pm He is a good dad but does favor our daughter. I'm so stressed out thinking I'm going to have no control and my house is going to be upside down. I'm the one who does everything. How do I get the mindset to let it go and take care of myself and don't end up over doing it after the surgery which I've done many times before. I was driving 2 days after my last back surgery which wasnt as intense as this one will be. I drove with a cast on after ankle surgery and did grocery shopping. It's my back I don't want to be more disabled than I already am. I hope it fixes me and I can be normal and go back to work. I just don't know how to say screw it and not take care of everyone but me.
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by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
trish_odi
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I get I am like that to , I had to finally tell my self if I don't take chair of me I won't be around to take chair of anyone you have to take chair of you that is so important trust me they will survive the hose might get messy but no one has ever died from that . You have to put the law down and let your family know if you want me to be able to keep ding what I do you all have to give me the time and help I need know and if they don't like that then tell them you'll just have to stay with family till your better trust me they will be fine we as moms are great enablers we think every thing will fall apart if we don't keep it to gather . I told my man when I started my business I was doing it for us he could support me and come for the ride or stay behind I am moving forward for a better future . Gusse what he is fully supportive you have to put your foot down or you won't be able to take care of your family , not trying to scare you but I know a lot of friends that have had back surgery its no joke I hope this helps you are a strong woman you can do it just do it!!!
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Rantin1raven
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:44 AM
I've had one back surgery they cut the bulge out and it ended up being the hardest part of the disk so now it's completely blown and nothing left. I just keep pushing myself. I told him that my symptoms were worse for a while but it doesn't seem to matter to him. No reply. My kids are good about helping my son is so sweet he's been getting the door for me and little things so mommy doesn't hurt. He's 7. The thing that scares me is I went thru this with my mom and my dad was a trucker so wasn't home it was on me to take care of her and I do not want my kids to have to take that responsibility. You are totally right I have to take care of myself or later on I'm not going to be worth anything. I just wish he would support me. The staying with a relative is a good idea. Thanks and it makes me feel good someone understands.
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amonkeymom
by Amy on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:34 PM

Can you get a family member (mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin, aunt..) or a friend to come and stay with you for a few days after you get home?  Or at least some friends who can check in on you and help with things around the house, cooking, etc?

Another thing you can do is make meals ahead of time and freeze them.  Delegate chores to the kids and your SO and tell them they have NO CHOICE but to help so that you can get better.  If you have to, have your surgeon talk to your man about how serious this is.

Rantin1raven
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 3:45 PM

My mom  passed when my daughter was born. My family is not close or near. I do have a few good friends that will help get the kids to school ect. They have familiesvand jobs so i dont want to Impose too much on them. Making dinners ahead is a good idea. The SO is just going to have to suck it up or move on. I'm really getting sick of worring about having to ask friends when I shouldn't have to. I'm very stubborn so it will be hard to ask them anyways. It is taking a big toll on my mental statusmand it's not even here yet. I just know what I'm in for. Really thank god for the few friends I do have. 

Quoting amonkeymom:

Can you get a family member (mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin, aunt..) or a friend to come and stay with you for a few days after you get home?  Or at least some friends who can check in on you and help with things around the house, cooking, etc?

Another thing you can do is make meals ahead of time and freeze them.  Delegate chores to the kids and your SO and tell them they have NO CHOICE but to help so that you can get better.  If you have to, have your surgeon talk to your man about how serious this is.


RubyQ
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this

hugs

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:41 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry to hear that!  *hugs*


Susie19
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:45 PM

I've had back surgery before and it definitely sucks...I'm sorry your husband is being a jerk sounds like you deserve better..

hugs

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:08 AM

I am sorry keep your spirits up!

EireLass
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:30 PM

Invite your Mom to come stay with you.

bigmama423
by Liz on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:34 PM

Sorry your hubby isn't being cooperative. Men are idiots 99.9% of the time.

Why can't he drive for the time being until you are able to? Maybe try talking to him a little more about your feelings and see if that helps at all??

Good luck with your surgery.

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