I saw this in The Stir - Do you think you're a selfish mom?
How's this for refreshing? The latest hate-filled screed against moms written by a child-free woman actually has a kernel of truth to it! Lauren Passell, a former editor at a parenting magazine, took to her computer to blast off an essay insisting "moms are actually the most selfish people in the universe."
Her essay gave little in the way of facts to back up her theory ... surprise, surprise! But the fact is, Lauren Passell could be on to something.
Says Passell in her anti-mom piece that screams of burnt bridges (so much for going back to the world of parenting magazines):
A mother is like that annoying, over-achiever in your physics class who spent 80 hours on homework and is willing to protect her work to the death. She cares about her work because it is a piece of herself. When mothers care about their children, they are caring about themselves.
So, because we care about another person, we care about ourselves? There's some faulty logic there, my dear.
The truth is more moms would be better off being a little more selfish!
I'm not talking total narcissist, believes she is the center of the world kind of selfish here. I'm talking about refusing to make your kids the very center of the universe.
Our generation of mothers has spurred the creation of the term "helicopter parenting," a phrase that certainly connotes the "annoying, over-achiever" Passell refers to, but speaks not to selfishness for the parent but for the child. These over-involved parents are creating a generation of self-involved brats, kids who are being raised to believe that the world is their oyster, and every adult will act as Mom (and often Dad) does in catering to them.
I'll allow that even those of us who scorn the helicopter moms fall prey to it now and then. Especially as the mother of an only child, I have a heightened awareness that I need to keep the spoiling at bay. But sometimes they look at you with those big blue (in my case) eyes, and you just fall. It happens. It's part of loving someone.
But if we really love our kids, we must resist. No one wants to be the mother who raised the asshole college kid who pitches a fit when she doesn't get her way, the co-worker who simply cannot be a team player, the 25-year-old man who still expects women to set out his clothes in the morning and fetch his beer.
I implore other moms: be selfish. Show your kids that they are not always first. Sit on your lazy butt once in awhile and let them do for themselves. Watch your own damn TV show while they play quietly without you for an hour. In the end, this is a sign of love too.
Are you a selfish mom? Why the heck not?