Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Lounge The Lounge

why am I surprised.....

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:04 AM
  • 14 Replies

So i will try to make this short. My ex and i were together for 15yrs. I have two children before we met. Even tho we were together for sometime and did marry, Xh did not take a active role in caring for the boys. In fact he would get annoyed if they interferred with any of his time w me. when we met i was a very successful fulltime working mom. My mother watched the kids. So the XH never had them when i was working. Needless to say Xh  selfishness among many other things caused me to divorce him. My boys were so happy I finally did. We have been divorced for almost 4 yrs now. And we share a son who is 7.

ANyway....with all this said. My XH went and got a tatoo with all 3 boys initials in it. My older boys are mortified and cant believe he did such a thing. I wouldnt even have a opinion if it was just our son(outside of my own beliefs, which are the native way...you dont put names, initials, of any sort unless that person has passed)..but hes not native so hes allowed i guess. But the fact he included MY older boys......just blows my mind. BUT as I stated before.....WHY AM I SO SURPRISED. My BFF says i have no right to be anymore. He has done so many things that are so wrong, in so many ways.......

ok vent over.....lol

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:04 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:06 AM
That is crazy..
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kris_PBG
by Representative on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Bizarre - but who cares what he does on his body! Lol!
angirose
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:29 AM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

Bizarre - but who cares what he does on his body! Lol!


thats the thing ....I wouldnt care......lol..... UNTIL he sent me a picture of the tattoo and the boys as well. They called me both of them, completely freaked out about the whole thing..... btw, they are now 23 and 19. And havent spent anytime with him since the divorce.

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting angirose:




Truly ODD!!!!!
stillkim
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:47 AM

It seems after the 165 years he spent with your boys he did have feelings about them. His way of showing them he loves/cares about them or his way of keeping them close to him.

I don't see a big deal.

RubyQ
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:19 AM
3 moms liked this

 Wow--just when you think you've read every possible possible problem people could possibly have, the world still surprises. 

 This isn't really a problem I guess, just an interesting dilemma about how to react or take it. The nice thing is, you have lots of choices as to how to feel. So choose one that makes you feel the best.

--Maybe he put them on there because they are his son's brothers. So it might be more out of deference to his son, rather than trying to make his relationship with your sons more than it was, or to get a rise out of you.

--Maybe he his just trying to denote a time in his life that meant something to him, even if it wasn't ideal for everyone involved. 15 years is a long time after all. Tattoos are usually representive of happenings / years in a person's life, not just things they like, or honoring people.

 Maybe he the names are just a way of being able to control, or put a definition to something he couldn't or didn't know how to control---the divorce-- and this is a way that satisfies that need to define something concrete about it.

 Maybe he just wasn't thinking too deeply about it. If he wasn't very considerate of you or son's feelings in your marriage, he is not going to start now, so, this type of misunderstanding about boundaries of relationships should come as no surprise and be taken with a grain of salt.

  At any rate, it doesn't require any comment or expression of thanks from you, so I wouldn't stress about it. Just choose the reaction/reason you can live peaceably with and move on.    

ihave1
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:22 AM

 Maybe he really did care about them. 

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:57 AM

Sometimes people do strange things to say what they mean, I think it says a lot when he included the other children....Just saying!

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:57 AM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

Bizarre - but who cares what he does on his body! Lol!


I hear you!

angirose
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting RubyQ:

 Wow--just when you think you've read every possible possible problem people could possibly have, the world still surprises. 

 This isn't really a problem I guess, just an interesting dilemma about how to react or take it. The nice thing is, you have lots of choices as to how to feel. So choose one that makes you feel the best.

--Maybe he put them on there because they are his son's brothers. So it might be more out of deference to his son, rather than trying to make his relationship with your sons more than it was, or to get a rise out of you.

--Maybe he his just trying to denote a time in his life that meant something to him, even if it wasn't ideal for everyone involved. 15 years is a long time after all. Tattoos are usually representive of happenings / years in a person's life, not just things they like, or honoring people.

 Maybe he the names are just a way of being able to control, or put a definition to something he couldn't or didn't know how to control---the divorce-- and this is a way that satisfies that need to define something concrete about it.

 Maybe he just wasn't thinking too deeply about it. If he wasn't very considerate of you or son's feelings in your marriage, he is not going to start now, so, this type of misunderstanding about boundaries of relationships should come as no surprise and be taken with a grain of salt.

  At any rate, it doesn't require any comment or expression of thanks from you, so I wouldn't stress about it. Just choose the reaction/reason you can live peaceably with and move on.    

I completely agree with you on all levels. And besides venting here I just let it go. Because as the title states..... it really did not surprise me...The boys on the other hand, they tend to think the worst, specially since he hasnt tried to spend anytime with either one of them since the divorce, even when it concerns their baby bro. And it all comes from the fact that we (the boys and I) spent so many years wanting to think the best only to be hurt over and over again. But part of the new me is to find a way to relaease my feelings..ill...sad...frustrated...confused...whatever it maybe, and just let it go.

thank you for the insight. :0)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)