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How to wean 3 and 5 year old from co-sleeping, have a new baby. - PIOG

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I have an almost 5 (dd) year old, 3 (ds) year old and an almost 4 (dd) month old and I need to "train" hte older kids to sleep on their own (they share a king). At the moment I lay with them till they fall asleep then creep out of the bed and into the other room with the baby (my poor husband sleeps in "our" bed on his own). They both will at one point in the night wake and come crawl in bed with me, but its not safe for the baby, good for my sleep, etc. and I hate then having to get up with the baby and get in the other bed, sometimes back and forth several times in the night. I don't like the idea of them chasing me, like mommy's trying to get away from them, and I really need the sleep. Has anyone had experience with this?

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Replies (41-46):
katiew2012
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:56 AM

Honey. I know much better than you the issues that were there. And fyi, his court appointed therapist even stated that the sleeping situation was less than ideal and may have contributed.

I do not care to get into the reasons he was removed with you. 

My concern is how do you think it is ok for a 13 yo boy to sleep in his mom's room regularly is ok?

What if it was a 13 yo girl in her single father's room?


Quoting paganbaby:

He was removed from his home, put into a group home and you still insist that sleeping on the floor is his main issue?

Alrighty then...

Quoting katiew2012:

Well, knowing my family, and the exact issues... I think you are wrong.

He was never taught to sleep in his own bed. Still doesn't. He'd rather sleep on the living room floor than in his own room. He was never taught to soothe himself to sleep.

I am convinced this played a role, among other things.

But I'm done arguing with you. I was simply giving the view of the experiences I have had.

Quoting paganbaby:

Then it sounds like sleeping on the floor in his moms room is the least of his issues.

Typical children grow and change in time when they feel their needs being met. It doesn't sound like that was the case with him.

Quoting katiew2012:

Well, seeing how he slept in his mother's room until he ran into some legal trouble and was removed to a group home... he has attachment issues and still at 20, nearly 21, has trouble being alone or dealing with his emotions, including self-soothing....

Quoting paganbaby:

So what's wrong with that? As long as everyone's getting the sleep they need, I don't see the issue.

Quoting katiew2012:

I have to say this does not necessarily work. My cousin slept in his mom's room, on her floor, until he was 13. She kicked him out of her bed when he was 4, but let him sleep on the floor. She then made him sleep in his own bed when he was 6, but he'd get up in the middle of the night and sleep on her floor.

Quoting themomof3boys:

Put a mattress on the floor by the bed where you are sleeping and tell them that is where they have to sleep. It works, it takes some time but it does work and eventually move the mattress further from the bed till it is in their room.








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie, proud wife of a railroader, and a future mother-to-be! 

I only reply if I've been quoted, or I happen to look and see a response. So, if you want to discuss with me, please quote me. :) Thank-you and good day!


paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:01 AM

That's your perogitive. Based on what you've already told me, my opinion still stands. He had other issues that were a lot bigger than sleeping on mommy's floor.

How would I feel about a girl sharing a room with her single dad? If they're both comfortable with it, just fine. Why should I assume something creepy's going on?

Quoting katiew2012:

Honey. I know much better than you the issues that were there. And fyi, his court appointed therapist even stated that the sleeping situation was less than ideal and may have contributed.

I do not care to get into the reasons he was removed with you. 

My concern is how do you think it is ok for a 13 yo boy to sleep in his mom's room regularly is ok?

What if it was a 13 yo girl in her single father's room?


Quoting paganbaby:

He was removed from his home, put into a group home and you still insist that sleeping on the floor is his main issue?

Alrighty then...

Quoting katiew2012:

Well, knowing my family, and the exact issues... I think you are wrong.

He was never taught to sleep in his own bed. Still doesn't. He'd rather sleep on the living room floor than in his own room. He was never taught to soothe himself to sleep.

I am convinced this played a role, among other things.

But I'm done arguing with you. I was simply giving the view of the experiences I have had.

Quoting paganbaby:

Then it sounds like sleeping on the floor in his moms room is the least of his issues.

Typical children grow and change in time when they feel their needs being met. It doesn't sound like that was the case with him.

Quoting katiew2012:

Well, seeing how he slept in his mother's room until he ran into some legal trouble and was removed to a group home... he has attachment issues and still at 20, nearly 21, has trouble being alone or dealing with his emotions, including self-soothing....

Quoting paganbaby:

So what's wrong with that? As long as everyone's getting the sleep they need, I don't see the issue.

Quoting katiew2012:

I have to say this does not necessarily work. My cousin slept in his mom's room, on her floor, until he was 13. She kicked him out of her bed when he was 4, but let him sleep on the floor. She then made him sleep in his own bed when he was 6, but he'd get up in the middle of the night and sleep on her floor.

Quoting themomof3boys:

Put a mattress on the floor by the bed where you are sleeping and tell them that is where they have to sleep. It works, it takes some time but it does work and eventually move the mattress further from the bed till it is in their room.









Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

AleaKat
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 6:08 AM
I don't do drugs I don't drink I didn't smoke and I breastfed.
And I still would rather not co- sleep


Quoting micheledo:

Studies have shown that a sober (no medication, drugs, or alcohol) breastfeeding (if you are bottlefeeding it is not as safe) mother is actually very aware of her child while sleeping. In that sitiation, co sleeping is actually very safe and can reduce sids.






Quoting AleaKat:

You must be an awfully light sleeper then. Glad nothing ever happened.


Also I have no idea what being sober has to do with tossing in your sleep. I toss and turn several times in the night.... Stone cold sober.... As you say.
Quoting paganbaby:

No, no chance of me rolling over on them. I was always stone sober whenever I co-slept. And for pillows, I had one and the kids slept pillowed on my arm, facing me. No fluffy blankets and a firm mattress completed our bed.

And again, if they stopped breathing in their crib, like the 4 other babies I knew, how would I be able to protect them?

Quoting AleaKat:

You have just as much of a chance of rolling over and smothering your child plus all the pillows and blanket and the fact that adult mattresses are too soft for babies.

It might make you feel better but that doesn't make it safer.




Quoting paganbaby:

I completely disagree. My babies slept warm and safe next to mama from day one. Reason number one, we both got more sleep that way and number two, all the babies I've know irl to die of SIDS, slept in cribs.

Sleeping with me always felt safer. The few times they were too still, I instantly woke up and got them breathing again.

Quoting AleaKat:

Completely agree.


My kids slept on their own from day one.












Quoting zeesmuse:

You should have never started co-sleeping in the first place. Sorry. I'm not an advocate of it. At all.


that said, explain to them they are ready for their own beds. You're going to have some sleepless nights, but every time they get in YOUR bed, pick them up and take them back. Eventually, they'll stay.




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micheledo
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry. I did not mean to give the impression that people should co sleep. I was just trying to explean what being sober has to do with it. :)


Quoting AleaKat:

I don't do drugs I don't drink I didn't smoke and I breastfed.

And I still would rather not co- sleep




Quoting micheledo:

Studies have shown that a sober (no medication, drugs, or alcohol) breastfeeding (if you are bottlefeeding it is not as safe) mother is actually very aware of her child while sleeping. In that sitiation, co sleeping is actually very safe and can reduce sids.









Quoting AleaKat:

You must be an awfully light sleeper then. Glad nothing ever happened.



Also I have no idea what being sober has to do with tossing in your sleep. I toss and turn several times in the night.... Stone cold sober.... As you say.
Quoting paganbaby:

No, no chance of me rolling over on them. I was always stone sober whenever I co-slept. And for pillows, I had one and the kids slept pillowed on my arm, facing me. No fluffy blankets and a firm mattress completed our bed.

And again, if they stopped breathing in their crib, like the 4 other babies I knew, how would I be able to protect them?

Quoting AleaKat:

You have just as much of a chance of rolling over and smothering your child plus all the pillows and blanket and the fact that adult mattresses are too soft for babies.

It might make you feel better but that doesn't make it safer.




Quoting paganbaby:

I completely disagree. My babies slept warm and safe next to mama from day one. Reason number one, we both got more sleep that way and number two, all the babies I've know irl to die of SIDS, slept in cribs.

Sleeping with me always felt safer. The few times they were too still, I instantly woke up and got them breathing again.

Quoting AleaKat:

Completely agree.


My kids slept on their own from day one.














Quoting zeesmuse:

You should have never started co-sleeping in the first place. Sorry. I'm not an advocate of it. At all.


that said, explain to them they are ready for their own beds. You're going to have some sleepless nights, but every time they get in YOUR bed, pick them up and take them back. Eventually, they'll stay.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:26 PM

That's great! Just as long as you understand that moms who don't smoke, drink and breastfeed can and do co-sleep very safely.

Quoting AleaKat:

I don't do drugs I don't drink I didn't smoke and I breastfed.
And I still would rather not co- sleep


Quoting micheledo:

Studies have shown that a sober (no medication, drugs, or alcohol) breastfeeding (if you are bottlefeeding it is not as safe) mother is actually very aware of her child while sleeping. In that sitiation, co sleeping is actually very safe and can reduce sids.






Quoting AleaKat:

You must be an awfully light sleeper then. Glad nothing ever happened.


Also I have no idea what being sober has to do with tossing in your sleep. I toss and turn several times in the night.... Stone cold sober.... As you say.
Quoting paganbaby:

No, no chance of me rolling over on them. I was always stone sober whenever I co-slept. And for pillows, I had one and the kids slept pillowed on my arm, facing me. No fluffy blankets and a firm mattress completed our bed.

And again, if they stopped breathing in their crib, like the 4 other babies I knew, how would I be able to protect them?

Quoting AleaKat:

You have just as much of a chance of rolling over and smothering your child plus all the pillows and blanket and the fact that adult mattresses are too soft for babies.

It might make you feel better but that doesn't make it safer.




Quoting paganbaby:

I completely disagree. My babies slept warm and safe next to mama from day one. Reason number one, we both got more sleep that way and number two, all the babies I've know irl to die of SIDS, slept in cribs.

Sleeping with me always felt safer. The few times they were too still, I instantly woke up and got them breathing again.

Quoting AleaKat:

Completely agree.


My kids slept on their own from day one.












Quoting zeesmuse:

You should have never started co-sleeping in the first place. Sorry. I'm not an advocate of it. At all.


that said, explain to them they are ready for their own beds. You're going to have some sleepless nights, but every time they get in YOUR bed, pick them up and take them back. Eventually, they'll stay.





Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

themomof3boys
by Member on Dec. 16, 2012 at 7:27 AM
I know it doesn't always work but it is what worked with me...but my 11 yr old still sometimes comes and snuggles up to his momma at night but not often anymore.

Quoting katiew2012:

I have to say this does not necessarily work. My cousin slept in his mom's room, on her floor, until he was 13. She kicked him out of her bed when he was 4, but let him sleep on the floor. She then made him sleep in his own bed when he was 6, but he'd get up in the middle of the night and sleep on her floor.

Quoting themomof3boys:

Put a mattress on the floor by the bed where you are sleeping and tell them that is where they have to sleep. It works, it takes some time but it does work and eventually move the mattress further from the bed till it is in their room.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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