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I just want to be happy!!!!

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:06 PM
  • 9 Replies
Hi, my name is Shannon im 23 Im new to this group. Although i found cafemom back in March when i had my miscarriage on March 18th 2011. I used to want kids before i had my miscarriage an when i found out i was pregnant on Jan 19th 2011 i was so happy to become a mom an was with my babies father an we woulda been a family but that didnt happen everything came crashing down after i had my miscarrige. Me an my babies father broke up an i felt like i was all alone, i got so depressed over everything i tried takin a bunch of pills but ended up in the hospital drinking charcoal. Which i understand now that wat i did was stupid but at that time it didnt feel stupid. After that me an my ex tried to work it out again but we ended up breakin up again. He was the 1st person i fell in love wit but we just didnt work together i still miss the wat could of beens an who Id be today an wat my baby would be like an who would he

/ she look like. Theres not a day that goes by that i dont think about my baby an when we have family get togethers an take pics i cant help but to think about theres always goin to be that one person, that one baby, My Baby thats missing from the pictures. I've learn to cope wit my loss alot better i got 2 tattoos in memory of my Angel Baby an getting them has helped the grieving process. So fast forward to now. I hate my life I'm always angry an getting mad at people an just cant stand to be around people i dont hardly talk to any of my friends or go out cause when i do i force myself to be in a good mood. I hate who i've become i want to be happy again i just dont know how? I try to be happy an in a good mood but i just cant. This all started in Jan 2012 right after i lost my job. While i was workin i was ok not great but ok. I was better a lil more happier an went out more often. Not out partyin just over a friends house. I just dont have any desire to do anything anymore, i dont even wanna watch my niece or nephews anymore which i used to do all the time . My niece is 5 years old an i've been a big part of her life since shes been born as well has my nephews. My nephews are a lil over a year old an are 3 weeks apart. Me an Both of my nephews moms an a close friend was pregnant at the same time we would always talk about how close our kids would be an wat not. Its so hard to watch my nephews grow up cause my baby should be growin up wit them. I never want to watch my niece or nephews anymore well i get my niece once a week an i just never get my nephews anymore i just dont feel up to watching them. I used to watch them all once a week but once i lost my job i started to get really depressed again an started pushin people away an now im just angry all the time. Y am i such a bad person? Wat kinda Aunt pushes their niece an nephews away an dont want to watch them? Dont ge me wrong i love them to death an would do anything for them an i do always ask about them an get pics an wat not but i just dont want them around i dont want anyone around. I dont even think i want kids anymore, i used to love the idea of me bein a mom adm havin kids but now i hate even thinkin about it. I miss the person i used to be 2 years ago an i hate the person l've become. I do still live wit my parents which i hate cause me an my dad dont get along i hate him an me an my brother just always fight. An my moms sick an got bad kneer an back so i take care of her when she goes down. I just want to stop feeling like this i just dont know how to change it or feel any different. I have no one to talk to cause no one understands how i feel or y i feel the way i do, they just say im bi polar so i keep everything to myself. Were not a loving family or show that me care so when i do try to talk about i feel no one cares or doesnt want to listen. Idk wat to do an im gettin a bit scared cause idk how much more i can take. Im tired of fakin that im happy when im really not. Sorry this ir so long an probably all over the place im just lost an confused anymore an im just tired of wakin up to the same stuff everyday.
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:06 PM
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Replies (1-9):
MusherMaggie
by Bronze Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:57 PM
You sound profoundly depressed. Please, seek professional mental health treatment. This is not something you can get over by yourself, and it's dangerous. Call a crisis hotline or the health department and get the ball rolling.
amonkeymom
by Amy on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:01 PM

Welcome Shannon.

I agree with what this member said.  Although you might not be going through depression, it sure can't hurt to talk to someone and get some help through the grieving process.  (((hug)))

Quoting MusherMaggie:

You sound profoundly depressed. Please, seek professional mental health treatment. This is not something you can get over by yourself, and it's dangerous. Call a crisis hotline or the health department and get the ball rolling.


Kris_PBG
by Representative on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:55 PM

I agree with both of them - you deserve to feel better than this!

Quoting amonkeymom:

Welcome Shannon.

I agree with what this member said.  Although you might not be going through depression, it sure can't hurt to talk to someone and get some help through the grieving process.  (((hug)))

Quoting MusherMaggie:

You sound profoundly depressed. Please, seek professional mental health treatment. This is not something you can get over by yourself, and it's dangerous. Call a crisis hotline or the health department and get the ball rolling.



shan018
by New Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:13 PM
Thank u all for ur advice. I was getting counseling for a bit after my miscarriage i went once a week for 5 weeks an it seemed to help a bit i just wish i would have been able to go longer. My therapist told me i'd see a physiologist after 4 visits to be evaluated an see what kind of medication i would need to be on. After the 4th visit i got pushed down the lish cause there were more serious cases them me whick i understand so we rescheduled. So after the 5 th visit i got a letter stated that my medical card was bein canceled so that meant i had to pay for counseling at that time i didnt have the money so i stopped going. I learned to cope better an deal with my problems but then everything started fallin apart again an i started to get really depressed again an im just tired of feelin like this. I want to be happy but i just cant. How do u force ur self to feel something that u cant? I went to my doctors back in late 2011 an my doctor put me on celexa but i started takin it an it made me feel restless so i stopped takin them an havent went back to the doctor due to money issues.
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babbyluv
by New Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:01 AM

Your'e very young and hae many chances to have another baby- so don't worry about that. I've had a miscariage and it's painful but some women have miscarriage after  miscarriage and are older.

When I was youngrer- (I'm 39 and 7 mos preg) i got depressed  a lot because my life wasn't where I wanted it to be. Just a suggestion- getting into something totally new that you can fall in love with. Kundalini yoga helped me a lot- I was happy from the inside- didn't matter what was going on in my outer world. 

Finding passion in something really helps- kundalini yoga helped me find my passions again...


PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:41 AM

I would seek help! I had 4 miscarriages and I have had 6 kids so the way I look at it is they were ment to happen.

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:42 AM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

I agree with both of them - you deserve to feel better than this!

Quoting amonkeymom:

Welcome Shannon.

I agree with what this member said.  Although you might not be going through depression, it sure can't hurt to talk to someone and get some help through the grieving process.  (((hug)))

Quoting MusherMaggie:

You sound profoundly depressed. Please, seek professional mental health treatment. This is not something you can get over by yourself, and it's dangerous. Call a crisis hotline or the health department and get the ball rolling.



Both are great advice!

VonMarieD
by New Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:59 AM

 Sorry to hear about your loss. You should definitely see about seeing a counselor again. The only person standing in the way of your happiness is you. You can't push everyone away either because then, you will really feel alone. Reach out for help. Figure out what you can do to make YOU happy and do it. Everything happens for a reason and great things are going to  come to you. Just have patience. No one should ever have to feel alone. You can also reach out to other moms who have been through, or are going through what you've been through. Sometimes it's comforting to know that you are not alone. :)

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:18 PM

Welcome to The Lounge! 

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I agree with finding someone you can talk to, a counselor or a trusted friend maybe?  I've been through two miscarriages and my first son was born still, but I now have 4 beautiful daughters and 1 handsome son.  I think about my other three babies every day.  The pain never goes away, but as I watch my children grow and mature I am thankful every day that I get to experience watching them do so.  I was told that I would never be able to carry another boy to full term, but I did and I am so thankful for that :)

*hugs*

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