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HELP!!!! ADHD

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:59 PM
  • 18 Replies

Hi my name is Michelle Talbot and i am new here i just recently found out my youngest daughter has ADHD i am clueless to this i feel like im degrading her and i really dont want to i am trying to learn more about ADHD but there are no support groups here in my town. I dont know anyone else who is actively supporting of their child in a positive way to help me or get advice from. My mother is overbearing and it seems like i want to ignore her because the way she raised me was kids who act bad are bad no excuses.....but im learning that while i need to discipline her the way she understands things are totally different than the way i do. She has recently been put on Focalin just now moved to 10 mg......but it doesnt seem to really change much other than grades they have gotten better but im still learning what about her behaviors it seems she has a what is it called a defiant behavior mixed with the ADHD.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:03 AM
There is a special needs group you should join. They are very helpful.
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ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:05 AM
Its called Raising Special Needs Kids.
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1Burgess2Talbot
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:16 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks so much as i said before im completely new and feel helpless and lost. I truly have no idea what im doing. Thank you again.

AlyssaN
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:39 AM
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My friend has a son who is diagnosed with ADHD and oppositional disorder. She has him going to counseling and has a social therapist come to their house to help them both work with the disorders. I am in the process of trying to get my DH have his son(my stepson 9) tested for both as well. Like a previous poster said the raising special needs is a good group.
One thing that really helps me is to let then know as much as you can ahead of time your expectations and a reward for obeying and following rules when there's going to be something out of the ordinary. And routine is your best friend. Feel free to message me with any more questions. Good luck, mama
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1Burgess2Talbot
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:54 AM

Thank you my daughter has yet to be diagnosed with oppositional disorder but thats what im thinking is going on. We are in process of getting into counseling as i want one that can help us both and a good one as well.

stillkim
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:55 AM

There is an ADHD group here on cafemom. I used to be on it a lot trying to figure out my son

annekaneko
by New Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:28 AM
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I can't speak to the experience of raising a child with ADHD, but I can tell you my experience as a child with ADHD. I was diagnosed pretty early, and had some behavioral problems-- sitting still, focusing in class, getting bored or frustrated easily, that sort of thing. Just try to remember that your daughter's brain works a little differently than yours. She isn't better or worse than you-- simply different. She might need to be told to do things more than once, or she might need help breaking down abstract tasks (like "clean your room") into simpler, more concrete ones (like "pick up clothes", "pick up books", etc.). I know that that's one of the things I've always had trouble with. My ADHD also makes it easier for me to forget about completing an activity (say, putting a board game away when I'm done) before I start another one. I never left things out due to any desire to behave badly-- I would just genuinely forget because I was focused on a new task. I also always benefited from being allowed to fidget (especially having a stress ball or a little toy in class). It really helped me get out that extra energy in a way that didn't disrupt other people. Regular appointments with a professional definitely help too, because as you grow up, you might do better on different medications, and it's important to make sure that the dosage is right. I've switched meds maybe five times in my life before I settled on where I am now.

But the main thing really is just patience. A child with ADHD knows they're different, and it really helps to be reminded that different isn't bad, especially if the child really is trying to behave. If possible, trying to focus on fixing the behavior ("how can you be quieter in class?") instead of on the problem ("you shouldn't be disruptive during class!") helps the child to feel more hopeful about their condition. It makes it feel more like something that can be adapted to, rather than some sort of a character flaw.

Jscott1216
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:45 AM
Couldn't have explained it better as I'm 30 and still deal with ADHD. I am on concerta and when I'm not my memory isn't as good and I have to force myself to try twice as hard as others at tasks that seem simple to someone who doesn't have it. Just remember patience and understanding. Also I've found that for me anyway making lists helps.


Quoting annekaneko:

I can't speak to the experience of raising a child with ADHD, but I can tell you my experience as a child with ADHD. I was diagnosed pretty early, and had some behavioral problems-- sitting still, focusing in class, getting bored or frustrated easily, that sort of thing. Just try to remember that your daughter's brain works a little differently than yours. She isn't better or worse than you-- simply different. She might need to be told to do things more than once, or she might need help breaking down abstract tasks (like "clean your room") into simpler, more concrete ones (like "pick up clothes", "pick up books", etc.). I know that that's one of the things I've always had trouble with. My ADHD also makes it easier for me to forget about completing an activity (say, putting a board game away when I'm done) before I start another one. I never left things out due to any desire to behave badly-- I would just genuinely forget because I was focused on a new task. I also always benefited from being allowed to fidget (especially having a
stress ball or a little toy in class). It really helped me get out that
extra energy in a way that didn't disrupt other people. Regular appointments with a professional definitely help too, because as you grow up, you might do better on different medications, and it's important to make sure that the dosage is right. I've switched meds maybe five times in my life before I settled on where I am now.

But the main thing really is just patience. A child with ADHD knows they're different, and it really helps to be reminded that different isn't bad, especially if the child really is trying to behave. If possible, trying to focus on fixing the behavior ("how can you be quieter in class?") instead of on the problem ("you shouldn't be disruptive during class!") helps the child to feel more hopeful about their condition. It makes it feel more like something that can be adapted to, rather than some sort of a character flaw.


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1Burgess2Talbot
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:45 AM
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the one thing i have trouble with that drives me insane is when i am getting on to her and scolding her for something all i get out of her is I Dont Know or a blank stare no emotions no acknowldgement shown that she understands what im saying or doing and if i ask her does she understand its always yes i worry maybe shes scared of me and i dont want that at all because i am a little strict in most senses. but thats according to my ex hubby who lets kids run amok and has no schedules whatsoever or any common courtesy but he is also ADHD and since we are no longer together our parenting skills do not mesh together and i want to raise children to be decent and functional members of society instead of the kind no one wants to babysit or have around you know. but as ive said before i need to learn how to discuss issues with her and scold her without her feeling degraded i can already tell that the way i was raised wasnt the way to start with my kids and im learning to change my parenting skills and try and find better more effective ways to also help keep them feeling good about themselves and not degraded.

justajen
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 5:45 AM
This is my 1st time visiting here, and just reading your blog alone has given me a measure of comfort. I too have a 10yo son with ADHD & possibly ODD. He also responds with "I don't know" and blanks out when I ask him about inappropriate behaviors. We have just started counseling and currently are not on meds. I am quite curious about the social counselor. This blog is the 1st I've heard of that. Good luck.
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