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i feel like i am the worlds worst mother

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i have 2 children, 2 and 3 years. when i had my first i have neva felt happier or prouder but i didnt feel the same way with my second, i love him and he was wanted but it just wasnt the same. he is a lovely sweet little boy but he is such hard work, he does things he knows he's not allowed and i have to tell him a hundred time every day, my oldest was never like that, my youngest also still puts everything in his mouth, he is clever and always learing new things, he just hasn't learnt what not to do. i always end up shouting at him because he just doesnt listen to anything, i feel like i want to spend more one on one time with my oldest who is very placid and who i can take anywhere without a worry. even walking past the dog my youngest wil make sure to stand on his tail or paw. i feel so bad because i do love him i just find him very hard work

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:01 PM

I think he has mild Asperger's. I just didn't remember the name at the time I wrote this.   :)

Quoting MusherMaggie:

Quoting littlemoments99:

My mom has 5 kids (including me)  When it was just me and my sister she said her life was so easy. Then she had my brother and he has ADHD and some type of social problem. He has friends but likes to be alone. He is hard to describe. Super smart kid. He memorized all of our presidents and their vice presidents by the time he was 3. He knows at least 5 things about every war the U.S. has ever been in, little or big. He was the hardest kid to handle when he was little. My mom had to sit on him to get him to calm down. He would throw huge fits if he didn't get his way. He once got so mad he tried throwing a chair at me and my sister. Now he would never do that. He is pretty calm even when he gets mad, but he is also 16, not 4. 

So, my point is, just be patient. Try your best. Kids can be hard and all of them are different. My brother sure didn't take after me and my sister and even my sister was more difficult than I was as kids. I would try spending some one on one time with both kids. Have a mom and me time once a week for each kid. That will make them feel special. Even if it's just going to the park for an hour, getting ice cream and talking for 20 min. Something. Sometimes kids act naughty if they feel like they are not getting enough attention. It's not because you are a bad mom. Being a mom is hard and it's something we can't be trained for, no matter how much babysitting you do.   :)

Don't feel like a bad mom. If you are trying, then you are doing a great job. Good luck!! 

Sounds like your brother might be somewhere on the high-functioning end of the autisim spectrum. Has he ever been tested for this?

by Angie on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:33 PM

I would go see your doctor and let him/her know how you feel....You could have the blues!

by JoAnna on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:35 PM

that's how it was when I had my 3rd.  she was a good baby but she hit the toddler stage she was not my sweet little girl.  just be patient and the one on one time with him is a good idea

by New Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:41 PM

I could have written this post! My first was and is really easy and my second is wild. He purposely does things he isn't supposed to do and almost never listens. He has definitely gotten better recently (he is 3 1/2) and it is probably because of the structure in preschool. For the longest time we really didn't take him anywhere because of his unpredictable behavior. I think it will get better, just be patient. Being a mom is hard work and our first borns spoiled us by being so easy. You're not a bad mom.

by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:09 AM

If you were a bad mom you wouldn't be worried about it, so you can put that out of the way. I would encourage you to think about what it must be like to have such a perfect - and obviously favored - older sibling. You might just do all sorts of naughty things, just to get attention ...because even bad attention is better than less attention. Cut yourself - and your kid - a break. I bet you're both a lot better people than you give credit for.

by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:12 AM

It sounds like your little boy is perfectly developmentally appropriate!  Now when my 11 y/o puts toys in his mouth, that's not appropriate!  My boy is a handful and still isn't able to do what we've told him hundreds of times are the right things to do.  Unfortunately, some children are impulsive and do only what feels good to them regardless of the needs and feelings of anyone else.  At 2, it's very normal for him to be "me-centered."  Hang in their, you're both normal!

by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:21 AM
That's what I was afraid of! My daughter was an easy pregnancy, easy labor and delivery, easy baby and an amazing kid who is 8 now. I didn't have anymore out of fear that I would get a terrible kid to make up for my great kid. Probably stupid but it kept me on birth control and kept the baby fever at bay for the most part. I would talk to your dr it sounds like you may have a touch of depression. Hope it all works its self out soon! ***hugs***
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by New Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:05 AM
My first 2 (8&6 now) were fantastic, my 3rd (2) :-/ just nv seems to stop, she's doing the terrible 2s, my other 2 nv did this, but she's making up for all of them
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by Liz on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:31 PM
I don't think you're a bad mom. It's normal kids are so freaking different! My 3rd,he's 4 and is a lot of work. He drives me nuts at times! Just try to be patient with him. :)
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:09 PM

My mother in law tells me all the time had she of ad her daughter first she would never have had any more. That was simply because he daughter had colic for 6 months and she is 27 and they still take care of her a lot. 

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