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I am turning 60 this year, and he doesn't ever want a commitment !

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 12:09 PM
  • 13 Replies

I have been with my man for 13 years and we both suffered from abusive marriages.  We both got divorced 11 years ago and he is still carrying a very heavy burden from the effects of his ex wife's alcholism and abuse on his 3 children.  This has had an impact on our relationship over the years but we have learned to separate it from "us."

I have lately been wanting to be with him more, we do not live together, and he works 55+ hours a week to help his daughter with her children, his emotionally unstable son, and his grandson who has a brain tumor.  It's an unbelieveable burden.  My man is also very sick from diabetes, heart condition, and other issues.   I believe he is on the brink of depression because of all of this.  He holds a very good job and is able to function there like a 40 year old.   We will both be 60 this year.

I get frustrated and feel lonely with the little time he has to spend with me.  I don't know how to let it go and feel that when he does have free time he should spend it with me, when all he wants to do is go home to his own house and hide and sleep.   Last night he got frustrated with me and told me he's never going to give me a commitment and that this is all he can offer me.   I felt so ashamed.

I have no family unit to rely on, and I do not want to burden my only son with my issues as he is attempting to make a family life of his own.   Is it too late for me?  Should I just continue on this way, never expecting anything more?   I also work 50 hours a week and do not have time or energy for outside socializing.  But what can I do to be content this way?    I have no one else to talk with.


by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 12:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bigmama423
by Liz on Jan. 6, 2013 at 1:30 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If you've been together for that long and you've been happy what's the point of getting married? I hope you figure out what to do. Sorry my advice is not the best..my 8 year anniversary is next month, and I think we're headed towards a divorce. :(
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eoewan
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 2:06 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry that you have such sadness. When a man tells you he is not willing to commit, it is best to believe him. I believe it will only cause you more sadness if you hang on to hope that is futile.

You have two choices in front of you. One is to accept what he is offering and let go of a possibility of more. And, the second choice is to let go of the relationship because it causes you sadness.

I think you should ask yourself the question of why do you think you don't deserve more? Age has nothing to do with it. 60 is not so old. You obviously are a vibrant caring woman who works hard. You deserve to be treasured.

I know I haven't given you any answers but, I do hope you consider what I've said. You are worth it.

cheers, donna

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I think you got some really great dvice from eoewan...

Quoting eoewan:

I'm sorry that you have such sadness. When a man tells you he is not willing to commit, it is best to believe him. I believe it will only cause you more sadness if you hang on to hope that is futile.

You have two choices in front of you. One is to accept what he is offering and let go of a possibility of more. And, the second choice is to let go of the relationship because it causes you sadness.

I think you should ask yourself the question of why do you think you don't deserve more? Age has nothing to do with it. 60 is not so old. You obviously are a vibrant caring woman who works hard. You deserve to be treasured.

I know I haven't given you any answers but, I do hope you consider what I've said. You are worth it.

cheers, donna


PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:16 PM

Maybe he is living a double life....Something to think about!

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:17 PM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

I think you got some really great dvice from eoewan...

Quoting eoewan:

I'm sorry that you have such sadness. When a man tells you he is not willing to commit, it is best to believe him. I believe it will only cause you more sadness if you hang on to hope that is futile.

You have two choices in front of you. One is to accept what he is offering and let go of a possibility of more. And, the second choice is to let go of the relationship because it causes you sadness.

I think you should ask yourself the question of why do you think you don't deserve more? Age has nothing to do with it. 60 is not so old. You obviously are a vibrant caring woman who works hard. You deserve to be treasured.

I know I haven't given you any answers but, I do hope you consider what I've said. You are worth it.

cheers, donna


Very good advice

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:24 PM

You CAN make a life for yourself.  What would you do if your friend died?  You'd pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.  You DON'T need a man to be complete.  You need a backbone.

<<<I do not want to burden my only son with my issues as he is attempting to make a family life of his own>>>  Then don't BURDEN him, but do have a relationship with him!  Take him and his wife out to dinner once in a while.  If he has children, offer to babysit the children, and give him a break.  Get to know your grandchildren.  Connect with your FAMILY. 

<<<I also work 50 hours a week and do not have time or energy for outside socializing.>>>  Of course you do!!   You've been spending it with your "friend", haven't you?  You are making excuses.  Think outside of yourself.  Find someplace to volunteer-- a homeless shelter, the ASPCA, the church, a hospital, the library.  There are countless other options.  The sooner you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and lift your head, the sooner you will see the light.     

bigmama423
by Liz on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:32 PM
I agree!

Quoting PurpleHazey:



Quoting Kris_PBG:

I think you got some really great dvice from eoewan...


Quoting eoewan:

I'm sorry that you have such sadness. When a man tells you he is not willing to commit, it is best to believe him. I believe it will only cause you more sadness if you hang on to hope that is futile.

You have two choices in front of you. One is to accept what he is offering and let go of a possibility of more. And, the second choice is to let go of the relationship because it causes you sadness.

I think you should ask yourself the question of why do you think you don't deserve more? Age has nothing to do with it. 60 is not so old. You obviously are a vibrant caring woman who works hard. You deserve to be treasured.

I know I haven't given you any answers but, I do hope you consider what I've said. You are worth it.

cheers, donna


Very good advice

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MJ313
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:55 PM

As far as age You are still Young but You should use the time to ask Yourself do I really want a commitment and if so You may need to leave him behind,for You. Sorry this is happening relationships are difficult!

LML1
by Kristy on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:02 PM

There are a couple of questions that you can ask yourself? 1. Can you see your future with out him being in it? 2. Are you happy when you're apart more so than the time you spend together 3. Do you want a companion or do you think that you want all the ups and downs of dating/ marriage again? I would honestly sit down with a pen and paper and add a couple more questions and write out the pro's and con's of your relationship. Good luck sweetie *hugs*

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:08 AM

You may be right about his being depressed, see if you can convince him to see a doctor, otherwise I don't see much hope here, I'm sorry. 60 is the new 40, you can move on if you want to.

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