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my husband is a gamer...

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:51 AM
  • 30 Replies

and it is causing more and more problems.  i have a serious animosity towards the stupid online game anyway because of his past over abuse of it.  we met about 3 years ago.  we moved in together maybe 6 months later and today we are one month shy of our 1 year wedding aniversary.  the problem started about 6mos after we moved in together.  we had been snowed in our apartment for several days.  he decided to go online and play an infamous online game.  apperantly he has played this game for years, he just hid the obsession from me.  at first it wasnt so bad....i mean we were snowed in for goodness sake.  but then it got progressivly worse....staying up until 2am...drinking hardcore...laying out of work because he was hungover...and i do believe to finish his "quests".  it caused significant arguments that got really vulgar and violent at times. 

dec 2011 we moved out of the apt and into a rental home.  due to finances being tight, we decided to not have tv or internet at the house.  on his off days he would go to his moms house and play.  i never had to see it and the late nights didnt happen.  we watched movies together and talked more...which i loved.  then the internet and tv got hooked back up.  i was nervous that it was going to cause problems again.  he promised me that it wouldnt. there were no longer those 2am nights and he had stopped drinking so he wasnt violent anymore.  but he was aggressive....meaning whenever he had a day off...he would play all day long and just really be mean when i got home.  if the kids were there (10 and 4) he would brush them off and let them tear up the house....of course when i got home at 730pm i was expected to clean it up...take care of the kids...so he can chat with his online friends and ignore me.

when that lease was up...he decided that the best thing for our family is to move in to his mom's basement until we can find a house to buy for ourselves.  i wasnt happy about it but 6mos is the maximum timelimit he gave me and really in the grand scheme of things isnt a terribly long time. however the gaming continues.  he has now downloaded skype to the computer.  i hardly ever go online but when i do...skype automatically comes up.  he is chatting with some girl in cali that plays the same game.  she is constantly calling him sweetie and hon.  i didnt feel comfortable about that and questioned him about it.  he denied any wrong doing because he was talking to her about the game.  (and yet another online friend sent him a pic...titled her name and mmmmmm...?)  he said he would talk to her and tell her to tone it down.  not long after that....i came home after dropping the kids off at school to him talking to her on skype.  i didnt know it was her...i heard him say...dont worry...ill take care of it....i can send you the money.  wtf?  after he hung up i asked him send who money for what? and he told me that she is short on finances and she wants to "change servers" so she can play with him on certain levals.  again i told him i didnt feel comfortable with that.  we are trying to save for a home and spending extra on another girl in cali is really disrespectful to me.  especially since WE cant do anything together.  he told me he wasnt going to do it but i was being really immature about the situation.

this week i had tried to make some alone time for us.  tuesday we wouldnt have kids so i was thinking we could go do something since i got off work early.  that afternoon he called me up after figuring the finances (we had just gotten paid) and said that we wont be doing anything.  we might be able to rent movies but we cant go out to eat because we have to save save save.  i was pissed but i bit my tongue. he is right to a certain extent.  we do need to save.  but he will blow 15-50 dollars a month on that game but cant take me to dinner?  i would settle for taco bell at this point.  we got a couple of movies that night and watched them...well i did.  he was busy skyping on his telephone.  i didnt say anything.  the next morning i go online to check my email.  skype signs in.  and loads the chat he was having with her...while he was supposed to be watching the movie with me.  she is back at the sweetie this and sweetie that and oh so sorry i havent changed servers yet hon...i had to wait on the cash. 

last night i couldnt deal with it anymore.  i got home and put the kids to bed and about 9pm i asked him if he wanted to finish a movie we started...he didnt want to.  he wanted to play his game more....granted he had been playing since 6pm!!!! i am fed up being put on the back burner so he can talk to everyone else but me.  he says there is nothing going on with that chick but refuses to address the way she talks to him.  we dont do anything anymore because we dont have the $ due to saving constantly.  but he can spend monthly to game.  and talk to her.  and not me.  i tell him if the shoe was on the other foot, he would be pissed too.  sitting in his moms basement watching him game and talk to other girls is building so much animosity in me i dont want to be around here.  today i drove around town for an hour after dropping the kids off at school just so i wouldnt see him before work.  i am fed up...

im sorry this is so long but if any ladies out there have advise for me please help! 

 

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TexasMami409
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Gaming addiction is real. My husband, I believe, is also addicted to poker. It's affecting his interactions with me and our daughter. It also does lead to flirtation with girls. People on these games are always sexy talking. I've witnessed it. It's pathetic. But our men get sucked in, cuz ya know, its just a game. I cancelled our internet one day and its like I cut off his oxygen. He was LIVID. We fought and I ended up being the one in the wrong. I understand your frustration.
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TexasMami409
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:48 AM
OK I just read it again, more closely. This is bullshit. Why do men get to do this, while we women get to deal with it? And the money shit. Uh yeah. He's done that too. This further proves this is a pathology. I bet all men who have this issue have done all the same stuff to their women. I dont really have advice, just empathy.
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Jeanna03
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:42 PM

we got the internet about 6-7 months ago because i wanted to do online classes well didnt work for me and i stated getting on my fb which i had for over a year. i told my husband he can share mine cause of a game i played well then it ended up him playing and chating with a girl i barly new put she asked me to b her friend ive seen the girl a couple of times didnt know her and they start chatting till 2a.m or longer and i got pissed and blew up he said theve been friends for a while and they talk about fam and bs. well i dont care its bs and not spending time with me and our kids. it contiued then he got his on fb i didnt not want him to. well he joined a poker game apparently he had women on the game as his friends with out me knowing. Hed stay up all night this went on for 2 months. one day came inside from talking to one of my friends on the phone sat down beside him hes on his fb and a instant message pops up from some girl. and i asked him to click on it wanted to know what was going on and he said its a virus im not looking at it. i knew better. So all of a sudden he asked how do i delete my fb. I told him he deleted it and then mine to. So next morn i reactivated it and he messaged her saying I had a great time at the casino the other night lmao. she said im glad u had a good time and ur safe. then hes say Hey i got to delete everyone whos not fam. because my ex is trying to get on my fb. so idk what the truth is on that story hes says the just chatted a couple times never met. what does that sound like? Now hes joined a nother poker site not on fb we dont have those but he can chat there to and im worried

TexasMami409
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:01 PM
Wtf is wrong with our men???? I guess I dont feel so alone. But damn...
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Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

It's time for a come to Jesus meeting.  There is no reason in the world that should be sending money to anyone on the internet, let alone a woman, when you two are living out of his mother's basement.  I would be irritated by the gaming, but I think I would be willing to tolerate it if it was an occasional hobby.  You aren't just dealing with a hobby, his addiction is interfering with your daily life.  You said that these games have also caused him to become violent with you.  This would be the deal breaker for me. 

He either needs to seek help, cut off the gaming and the contact with that woman or you need to walk. 

bertaboo1
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:17 PM

 

occasional would be the key word.  unfortunatly it is an every day thing.  it's just frustrating.  the kids get upset because daddy doesnt play with them. or even talk with them.  the youngest will sit there for an hour...daddy daddy daddy....its annoying! we never talk.  we never communicate.  i feel so alone in this marriage.

Quoting Kodysmommy928:

It's time for a come to Jesus meeting.  There is no reason in the world that should be sending money to anyone on the internet, let alone a woman, when you two are living out of his mother's basement.  I would be irritated by the gaming, but I think I would be willing to tolerate it if it was an occasional hobby.  You aren't just dealing with a hobby, his addiction is interfering with your daily life.  You said that these games have also caused him to become violent with you.  This would be the deal breaker for me. 

He either needs to seek help, cut off the gaming and the contact with that woman or you need to walk. 


 

Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Then you need to let him know that it isn't something that you are going to tolerate.  He needs to quit the gaming, ditch the online girlfriend and rejoin your family or you need to leave.  It's never going to change unless you let him see that his behavior is unacceptable.

Quoting bertaboo1:


occasional would be the key word.  unfortunatly it is an every day thing.  it's just frustrating.  the kids get upset because daddy doesnt play with them. or even talk with them.  the youngest will sit there for an hour...daddy daddy daddy....its annoying! we never talk.  we never communicate.  i feel so alone in this marriage.

Quoting Kodysmommy928:

It's time for a come to Jesus meeting.  There is no reason in the world that should be sending money to anyone on the internet, let alone a woman, when you two are living out of his mother's basement.  I would be irritated by the gaming, but I think I would be willing to tolerate it if it was an occasional hobby.  You aren't just dealing with a hobby, his addiction is interfering with your daily life.  You said that these games have also caused him to become violent with you.  This would be the deal breaker for me. 

He either needs to seek help, cut off the gaming and the contact with that woman or you need to walk. 




chazzamatazz
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:24 PM

I feel for you, but at the same time, it seems like you have a lot more patience than I do. I'm a gamer, too, as is my husband - but we both put it aside to be parents and spend time with each other and the family. In fact, with my husband's new job, he hardly ever plays video games any more, although I get online quite a bit (with a newborn in the house and living in the middle of nowhere, I feel like its one of the few things that keeps me sane while he's away.)

With the father of my oldest, however, he would rather be online than spend time with me. I asked him to talk to me, take walks, whatever (because he often used lack of money as an excuse for why he didn't spend time with me) but it didn't work. He always acted like I was asking too much for that and, after the baby came, he would throw a hissy fit if I even asked him to watch her so I could pee or take a bath. It was crazy. To this day he uses escapism (mostly video games) to avoid his problems though now it's worse because he won't even hold a job down. It's pretty pathetic.

I feel like you have to draw a line and put your foot down if you can't reach a compromise. You are absolutely right that if he can spend money on WOW, he can take you out to eat once in a while. You should always come first. I know you don't share this interest with him, but hopefully you two can find something in common to channel his desires in a more healthy way rather than dragging your relationship apart. But, without his help, you can't do anything. So I reallly, really hope he'll hold up his end.

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Audreesmommy757
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:25 PM

mine to and thats why we are divorceing..i told him its his family or the games and he chose..

clp0930
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:42 PM
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Quoting Audreesmommy757:

mine to and thats why we are divorceing..i told him its his family or the games and he chose..


I'm sorry. Your ex is an idiot.

Its so sad when people choose an addiction over the people they're spposed to love.

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