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What are you thoughts on....kinda long

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I have a friend who (is living with us and her 2 kids).  She is on disability and food stamps (no CS yet) her kids are teens.  My friends parents who are disabled (dad stroke, mom almost blind) moved out to Colorado (from FL) to live NEAR their "more well off and favorite daughter".  Well things did not work out the way they had planned as their daughter did not have time to help take care of them and they can't stand the cold.  So the well off daughter has paid for an airplane ticket for my friend to fly out there and pick up the parents and drive back here for them to live together again.  The parents between both of them make over 3000 a month. 

So my friend who cannot work because of RA and bone on bone spine was told that even though she would be responsible for all the chores, taking them to the dr, going to the store, and anything else that might come up she has to pay 1/2 of everything. 

She makes just over 800 a month on disability.  That is why she is living with us, she cannot afford to live on her own with her kids. 

Now while I am a firm believer in if your healthy, abled bodied, you work a minimum wage job yada yada yada if your gonna live with your parents I think you should help out with chores and stuff and help with the bills etc. 

She wants to try to get a car of her own, because she isn't sure if her parents will let her use the car outside of their needs. 

She is greatful beyond words that her parents are moving back, and she will finally have her own place so to speak. 

Her half of the bills would come to around 600 a month.  (including cable that she DOES NOT want, but dad has to have).  that leaves her a little over 200 a month to buy the things she and her kids need plus meds and dr visits and her cell phone. 

Not to mention when they move back in she has to buy beds for her and the kids, dressers and linens. 

Not a rant or bitching just saying what is going on and wanting thoughts on the situation.

Update: 

I don't know whether to believe her or not about all the things her mother is saying she is going to have to do.  I just can't see a parent being so demanding, blind, uncaring I could go on (oh I know there are some out there).  Either her mother is really just a hateful spiteful bitch or she really is clueless about what kind of money she gets every month. 

She told me some more today after she talked to her mother, now she is twisting it around that they are moving back to help HER because she is a lazy ass and got herself into this mess and can't dig her own self out.  Sorry not much you can do with less than 900 a month.  She is already making herself sick over it, I almost told her not to do it and stay with us.  I am already at my wits end.  We are on week 2 of the flu running thru the house.  DH has it now.  I am tired, no scratch that, I am exhausted!!!  I cant take it anymore but I hate the thought of her mother treating her like that and her already being ready to kill her, or her having to go to Lakeview (mental health) because she can't take the stress.  I don't know how much to believe, if she is saying it to get attention, for me to feel pity for her or what.  arrgghhhh

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM
Replies (21-30):
Jebekarue
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:46 PM

I helped my dad care for my mother her last few months and it was HELL, but I wouldn't change a thing. 

I think I will bring up the cost of assisted living with my friend and tell her to let her parents know just how much it would cost them to go into one.  Or to have home health come in how ever often and or hire a housekeeper once a week, to see how much it costs, and that its not fair for her to pay half with everything she is suppose to do. 

I use to work at a bank and I saw these so called home health or partial live in help would come in with these old ladies, and it pissed me off.  One lady in particular was blind with macular degeneration and she would come in looking drug thru the mud filthy, hair all messed up and the occasional shit streak on the back of her pants and I wanted to throttle her helper, so I reported it.  Not to mention she thought the helper was stealing from her and her helper was NASTY!!! So unless you have family that can at least check in on you and your helper you never know what you are going to get.  They def do not want that.

EireLass
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:47 PM

I can only assume they're using basic living expense logic in figuring who pays what. There will be 5 people living there. Parents are 2, she is 3. Splitting it in half is fair.

Quoting Jebekarue:

Her rx are covered, but she pays a small copay for them.  Her children get a VERY small check thats why she gets a little over 800 a month.  The kids are on medicaid also. 

I was referring to the medical expenses of her parents that I wasn't sure how much they have to pay out as to why they would still expect her to pay half of everything. I do know alot of rx are very expensive depending on what it is and even with medicare, some of the copays can still be several hundred dollars. 


sav820
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:59 PM

 That church helps anyone You do NOT have to belong to it at all...They will help her...its open to the public they will help anyone.

Also..Social security there are 5 types of SS people can collect. it sounds like the elders are much older and collecting off what they paid in..that's a BIG difference , then those who collect state SS and NOT collecting off what they put it..someone who was short credits (quarters) or children of those people...don't get a check for their kids under 18-21

Those who get States SS disability  depending on which SS they claim some will affect everything, but  NOT for those who collect their own, those who get where they paid in also do get a check for children under 18 or in school, but NO medical...for the kids..ONLY the person collecting gets medicare after a few years and its doesn't cover meds unless they op for meds...Part D I believe.....Those who collect state SS get medicare & many also get medicaid too. LOW INCOMES

SO NO they will NOT be effected money wise where SS takes their money away if they are collecting on their own work history, or of retirement age.... Plus if the elder father / mother get VA  disability that's NOT taken away or any private disability retirement.     will only  effect the ones who collect state SS disablity

My friend is blind  49 and collects off the state, she gets two different SS checks.. because she's under 58  too and did not have enough time work history or quarters in..plus medicare and medicaid. & FS

I know many kids who get SS too due to being disabled and that goes by the  parents income , theirs is all based on the parents and they cannot collect FS  the mom/dad can get FS based on her income but NOT the child collecting she recieves about 700 and thats for the child..its based on so many things each case is looked at differently..

 And that Landlord should be charging for house size not because they ( 2 families) live together combining income...sounds like a scammming landlord../ investor Trying to make more off the disabled.....shame on them..Tell your friend to look around theres tons of places for rent now and nice at a decent rate...NOT by their combined incomes....BY house size...how many bedrrooms & baths..Good Luck to her and her kids.

Jebekarue
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:59 PM

We are in FL, and she is only 37 so I am not quite sure what all she can qualify for.  She does get about 30 bucks a month for each of her kids which makes her total about 840 a month. 

Jebekarue
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:05 PM



Quoting sav820:

 That church helps anyone You do NOT have to belong to it at all...They will help her...its open to the public they will help anyone.

Also..Social security there are 5 types of SS people can collect. it sounds like the elders are much older and collecting off what they paid in..that's a BIG difference , then those who collect state SS and NOT collecting off what they put it..someone who was short credits (quarters) or children of those people...don't get a check for their kids under 18-21

Those who get States SS disability  depending on which SS they claim some will affect everything, but  NOT for those who collect their own, those who get where they paid in also do get a check for children under 18 or in school, but NO medical...for the kids..ONLY the person collecting gets medicare after a few years and its doesn't cover meds unless they op for meds...Part D I believe.....Those who collect state SS get medicare & many also get medicaid too. LOW INCOMES

SO NO they will NOT be effected money wise where SS takes their money away if they are collecting on their own work history, or of retirement age.... Plus if the elder father / mother get VA  disability that's NOT taken away or any private disability retirement.     will only  effect the ones who collect state SS disablity

My friend is blind  49 and collects off the state, she gets two different SS checks.. because she's under 58  too and did not have enough time work history or quarters in..plus medicare and medicaid. & FS

I know many kids who get SS too due to being disabled and that goes by the  parents income , theirs is all based on the parents and they cannot collect FS  the mom/dad can get FS based on her income but NOT the child collecting she recieves about 700 and thats for the child..its based on so many things each case is looked at differently..

 And that Landlord should be charging for house size not because they ( 2 families) live together combining income...sounds like a scammming landlord../ investor Trying to make more off the disabled.....shame on them..Tell your friend to look around theres tons of places for rent now and nice at a decent rate...NOT by their combined incomes....BY house size...how many bedrrooms & baths..Good Luck to her and her kids.


600 a month here for a 3 br/2 full bath house here is cheap.  I pay 600 for a 3br 2 1/2 bath.  They lived in that house for 15 plus years before they moved out last spring.  Same landlord so they are friends and have been for a long time.


Jebekarue
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:45 PM



Quoting EireLass:

I can only assume they're using basic living expense logic in figuring who pays what. There will be 5 people living there. Parents are 2, she is 3. Splitting it in half is fair.

Quoting Jebekarue:

Her rx are covered, but she pays a small copay for them.  Her children get a VERY small check thats why she gets a little over 800 a month.  The kids are on medicaid also. 

I was referring to the medical expenses of her parents that I wasn't sure how much they have to pay out as to why they would still expect her to pay half of everything. I do know alot of rx are very expensive depending on what it is and even with medicare, some of the copays can still be several hundred dollars. 


I can understand the logic of splitting the costs, however, she is going to be taking care of them 100% when you figure in what it would cost to put them in assisted living or having home health come in and or hiring a housekeeper to come in a couple of times a week, I think its wrong to expect her to pay half of everything and they are trying to take advantage of her.

I just spoke to my friend about calling around to get prices and presenting it to her parents she said its a good idea but her mom would never go for that, she has to be in control over everything.

i'm sorry its their idea to move back here and for her to take care of them, not hers.  They should be sitting down together and making a list of rules or whatever not just one person.  I can't believe I said this to her but I told her that she and the kids would be better off staying here than putting up with that crap.

She said she just talked to her mother and she said her mother was telling her that she has a list of rules to follow if she is going to live under their roof...like this  she has to stop whatever it is she is doing to come home and cook and if she isn't home even once to cook dinner then she will be kicked out, meaning if God forbid her or one of her children end up in the hospital and she can't leave to cook dinner then they will be out on the street again.  

I told her stick their asses in an assisted living for a few months and see how they like it.  I guess I don't understand as my parents were not like that, my sister moved back home several times and my parents told her as long as she worked she didn't have to do anything but a few chores, pick up after herself and to save her money so she could get back on her feet.  

 


EireLass
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:58 PM

She should demand a 'contract' of sorts, just something written up between all the adults, outlining who pays for what and who is responsible for doing what. If they can't come to an agreement, then they don't live together.

I'm possibly facing a similar situation. My Step-daughter and her son may end up moving in with us. Sounds all fun and jolly, given how much I love my grandson. But she'll have to pay their way, we're not supporting them. And given that it will be communal living of sorts, she will be expected to do certain things here, just as I am, just as my husband is.

stillkim
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:08 PM

That's ridiculous.

Jebekarue
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:10 PM

I agree with a contract, and I agree that they should all sit down and discuss it before moving back in together.  (Lord knows I wish I did it before she and her kids moved in here) But her mother will probably not go for that, its her way or the highway.  I think thats what ticks me off the most about the whole situation,  that her mother is not going to give her any say in anything.  But she is going to go ahead and move in with them knowing what her rules are and not standing up for herself because that is her parents and she is the oldest and HAS to do this for them.

I already told my husband that we will NEVER let anyone move back in with us that is not family and even then its going to depend on who it is.  So once they are out, I hope she understands that she and her kids CANNOT come back.  I don't want to be mean but damn, I can't take this drama shit anymore!!! If she so happens to decide to stay, fine but we are going to sit down and come up with some rules cause I am not going to lose my sanity over them anymore. 


Quoting EireLass:

She should demand a 'contract' of sorts, just something written up between all the adults, outlining who pays for what and who is responsible for doing what. If they can't come to an agreement, then they don't live together.

I'm possibly facing a similar situation. My Step-daughter and her son may end up moving in with us. Sounds all fun and jolly, given how much I love my grandson. But she'll have to pay their way, we're not supporting them. And given that it will be communal living of sorts, she will be expected to do certain things here, just as I am, just as my husband is.



hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:16 AM
I wonder if she can handled all this responsibility? Kids, parents? The well off sister should hire a nurse to help take care of parents. And her parents should let her always use car. And only ask her for about 250 a month or less. Because she is taking care of them. And they got a lot more money.
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