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only children / secondary infertility / age

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:48 PM
  • 10 Replies

 I don't know if there is anyone out there experiencing this, I am sure there is!

I am 35 yrs old, have a fantastic, happy and healthy 2.5 yr old little boy. He is the center of our world! We have been trying to have another baby for a long time now (1.5 years) however it is not happening. It took us a while to get pregnant with him and I feel blessed and very happy to have him in our life. I am aware there are people who don't have one child so again I feel incredibly lucky. However I also feel guilty b/c I am afraid he is going to be an only child. He loves playing with other little kids and is very social. I just want him going through life feeling lonely.

We are not in the situation or want to do IVF or IUI due to the expense and I am not into the synthetic hormones. I had a c-section and about a year ago had a chemical pregnancy and since then have not been able to get pregnant. All ultrasounds come out ok, the blood hormones tests come out ok, I have been experiencing some symptoms that make the docs think it could be scar tissue or endometriosis. However the symptoms didn't start until after the chemical..or maybe it was a coincidence. idk!

My husband will be 35 in a few months and he feels if we have another one, great, if not, he is happy with my son and feels blessed. He does not want to be 38-39 and have a baby (due to risks, age, age, fairness to the child, etc.) which in my opinion nothing is wrong with that these days. I understand ideally it would be nice to be younger but things don't always work out that way. SO we are not on the same page when it comes to that, he wants to stop trying eventaully but I am afraid I will never get pregnant again and my son will be an only child and I feel so incredinly guilty! I mean when is it smart to stop trying? I know many factors come into play, finances, personal factors, family, etc.

Any thoughts on only children? secondary infertility issues? Age?

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:37 PM

I experienced secondary infertility as well and ended up using clomid.  It worked the first month, thankfully, and was covered by insurance since it's just a medication.

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:55 PM

I'm an only child.  I used to wish for siblings but I'm actually happy being an only.  My mom had at least 4 miscarriages.  I do not count my half sister *who I've seen twice in my life* and my half brother *who I've seen once in my life* as my siblings.  We are not close, we do not talk.  My half brother is my dad's child from his first marriage and my half sister is my dad's child from an affair he had on my mom.  I found out about them from him when I was 13.  I am an only child.

calimom1123
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:24 PM
I had dd and thought it would happen pretty quickly once we decided on #2. Well its been 6yrs trying,my dd is 8 now. I do feel sad about her not having siblings but theres nothing I can do. I dont have health insurance now so I cant get clomid. I feel like the age gap is too much now for her to really play with a sibling but we are still trying.
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StepDucky
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:01 PM

I've had one miscarriage.... The first yr we got together(we have now been together for 8yrs) We haven't been trying, but we aren't trying to not have a baby.

BeachMommy07
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:49 AM

Have you gone to your OB/GYN to discuss options? Medications?

fullxbusymom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:31 AM

Well I am 40 & my husband 43 and we just had our 4th 11mo's ago.  So it is when you feel you are too old.  There is no wrong time if you're still ready.

lskay00
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:08 PM

That happened to me.  We tried 6 rounds of Clomid with no results.  Consulted with a fertility doc...too expensive.  We made the decision that our daughter was it and that was that.   Until I found out the following October.....I was pregnant!  I had my kiddos at 30 and 36.  DD is 6 (almost 7) and DS is 8 months.  Boy, did I forget alot of stuff between the two!  I wouldn't change a thing!  DD loves DS as much as we do, now to just try to equal out the attention between the two.  My advice: be patient:)  I know everyone says that, but what worked for us was just coming to terms that DD may just be an only child and relaxing a bit.  GL!!

bigmama423
by Liz on Jan. 29, 2013 at 4:47 PM
I was an only child till I was 10, then half siblings came. I enjoyed being an only child.
As for age, you should talk to your doctor. If you're nice and healthy than why not keep trying. Of course there are risk due to age. The age of your husband is a factor as well. Good luck!
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tyler0607
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:35 PM

Thank you!!!

marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:28 PM
I'm older than 45 and younger than 50 and just had my 7th back in November. I would never have an only child. Is adoption an option for you? Have you talked to the doctor?
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