A little background on myself... I am a 25 year old stay at home Mom to an amazing 18 month old little girl. My husband and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years.
Recently our marriage has been beginning to crumble. This began about six months ago when he borrowed about $1,500 from work to buy a second vehicle. Nothing fancy just something to get himself too and from work. After a few months had gone buy and still no vehicle I asked him about it and he threw around a different excuses. Another few weeks past and I had feeling the money was gone. So I asked him point blank. He told me he had spent it all. All of it went to paying bills. After a big argument he agreed not to keep things from me anymore. Fast forward a few months. He has been having back problems that have bothered him for years. His job can be physically demanding so it has made them worse. He currently doesn't have health insurance (he just started a new job and isn't off the probationary period). So he hadn't been able to get any of his medication. I come to find out that he has been buying various kinds of pills off if our neighbors as well as his co-workers. I became suspicious after he would make up the most odd reasons to have to leave the house. Get ready for it ladies... One morning while he was in the bathroom I went through his text messages. Was it wrong? Probably. So I confronted him. Didn't tell him how I found out. He tried turning it around on me. Saying he was scared I would "freak out". I never have freaked out. Ever. Considering when I began dating him he had just reached his one year mark if being clean. He used to be a heroin addict. I never judged him not once. I was upset because not only because of history with abusing drugs but because of the fact that it's illegal. After a long argument and him storming out. We had a conversation and he swore yet again that he wouldn't lie/hide things. And we found a way to get the funds together so he was able to see a Doctor and get medication. Things were going smoothly for a few weeks until again he began acting strange. So tonight yet again I read his text messages. As I expected I found more deceitful texts. From co-workers and our neighbors one saying they have pills he can buy and then sell. Others saying I'm home come by when you can.
My heart feels like it broken into a million tiny pieces. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I feel the trust in our marriage is gone. And I don't know if we can ever get it back. I treat him like a king. I wake up with him at 4am every morning and make his coffee and breakfast. Make sure to send him off with lunch. He comes home to home cooked meals. I take care of our daughter. While doing laundry and cleaning. All the while still trying to make myself attractive. I haven't confronted him yet about what I found tonight. My heart is still racing and my stomach is in knots. Whenever I an upset about something, anything really he always turns out around on me. Some how it's my fault. I am the one that ends up falling all over myself and apologizing.
This is where I am hoping to get some input and advice. How should I handel this? Please please please no bashing.