Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Lounge The Lounge

Am I being overly sensitive?

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:44 PM
  • 15 Replies

My husband comes from a large, yet close-knit family and for the most part I have always gotten along with everyone.  There have been issues to spring up, but I always managed to stay out of the line of fire until now. Last weekend, I needed a babysitter for my infant daughter and the only one available was my husband's teenage sister.  Normally, I wouldn't have an issue with leaving my daughter in the hands of any of my husband's relatives.  However, this sister has a boyfriend who was sexually abused as a child and was also sent to a correctional facility a few years ago for sexually abusing a younger child.  Honestly, I believe he is an overall good kid and given his horrible upbringing, I think he is doing remarkably well. I don't know all the details of the case, but I do think he was dealt a raw deal.  However, my s-i-l told me about a comment her bf made that implied he would be free from the court system once he turned 25 as long as nothing like that happened again.  Her bf came over to visit later that day and in a short period of time I witnessed him hit her and wave a knife in my s-i-l's face (this behavior is very out of the norm for him).  Both of them laughed it off as a joke though.  When it came time for me to leave, I didn't feel 100% comfortable leaving my daughter so I lied and said I wasn't going to my meeting. I pretended I was going home and everything seemed fine between all of us.  The next day my husband told my s-i-l the truth and now I'm being raked over the coals for passing "harsh judgement" against her boyfriend.  My s-i-l feels insulted that I don't trust her to protect my daughter if her bf were to strike again. The rest of my in-laws seem to agree that I'm being overly sensitive.  As a child, I was sexually and verbally abused by an uncle and I know my experiences make me overly cautious in some cases.  Am I allowing my past to cloud my judgement here?  Would you have left your child alone with the s-i-l and boyfriend?

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:44 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sfkdny
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

you are not being overly sensitive.  you are protecting your child, if they cannot see that, then eff them

sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Your feelings are yours alone. You don't need to justify them to anyone. Hire a non relative sitter from now on.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
amonkeymom
by Amy on Feb. 15, 2013 at 7:16 PM
1 mom liked this

No, I don't think you're being either overly sensitive or overly protective.  I would have likely done the same thing and then explained later that the incident which you witnessed made you uncomfortable.

Welcome to the group.

Bmama1
by Bernadette on Feb. 15, 2013 at 7:16 PM
I would have done the same thing you did.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lovenMyfamily
by New Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:06 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you are being overly sensitive. It seems to me that people that are in these types of situations, the sil's bf not you, often have a difficult time taking responsibility for their actions. Then they wonder why people are being insensitive to them (IMO I view that as blame shifting). Even if he did get the raw end of the deal, he should understand why someone might have an issue with him. It's sorta common sense. I am not saying that he is guilty. All you know is what he has told his gf... that doesn't mean it the whole truth. I think you have ever right to be suspicious considering that you are only judging the situation by what You have witnessed. You are judging based on your own observations, not judging based on anything else. In situations like this it seems better to be safe than sorry. Just my opinion, but maybe you can smile and say that you were in the wrong ONLY to keep peace in the family, but to not ask the sil to babysit again. I get where you are coming from and it is better to smile than cause a silly rift. If he is a good guy in the long run, then you'll be happy you let it go, if he turns out to be a bad guy, then you will know that you did the right thing by lying about the meeting. It works out for you both ways. :) I hope he turns out to be a good one! Good luck!

blueeyes2000
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:39 PM
I would of left with my child too
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
RayneofTerror
by New Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:40 PM

I think you made the right choice for you and your daughter. 

wetterman
by New Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I would not have left my kids with her then and I would not leave them with her as long as he is in the picture.

My view is that as a parent your main responsibility is the welfare of your child. That little voice in your head was put there for times like this and hopefully it was a fasle alarm. Hopefully the only bad thing that could have happened was your S-I-L and the family got their feelings hurt.

I think once it cools down and "NOT BEFORE" it would be time to have a talk with my husband about what we talk about. He may have been trying to help out the little sister becasue of what you told him. Sounds like she does not want help so maybe next time he does not need to know.

Lovemybaby551
by New Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

your definitely not being over sensitive. As a mother you have a right t be careful who you leave your baby with and you have a right to choose who you do or dont leave your baby with. I would not leave my baby alone with a teenage girl and her boyfriend, even though she is family i dont feel like teenagers should be allowed to have boyfriends over while they are babysitting, especially in your case where he has sexually abused a younger child

PinkButterfly66
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:54 PM

Why did your husband say anything?  He had to know that in betraying your trust, it would upset you and telling his sister it would upset her.  You were protecting your daughter and because of your background you are hypersensitive to any overt behavior that might be interpreted as predatorial.  I don't blame you.  If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing (white lie) to not hurt anyone's feelings.  Your husband is a dick.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)