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Is it wrong to force a parent to save their child's life?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:51 PM
  • 26 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Should the dad be legally compelled to donate bone marrow and save his sons life?

Options:

Yes. A parent should never allow their child to die if they can prevent it.

No, it's messed up but it's his choice.

He shouldn't be forced but I think some black mail could be in order.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 49

View Results

This is based off a show I saw.

A girl (16) had an affair with her teacher in high school. She became pregnant (the father never knew) and dropped out. 12 years later she's married and her son is 11. He was diagnosed with lukeimia and has been on a transplant list for over a year. All of the family has been tested and no one is a match. Her husband (step dad) works in the hospital and found out that bio dad is a match. Out of desperation she contacts him, tells him about his son and begs him to donate. Her child has a month, tops, to live. He refuses.


by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momaof8
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:55 PM
3 moms liked this
Yes it should be required
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:11 PM
5 moms liked this

I voted no.

Is it messed up?  Yes.  But I dread the day when we are FORCED into medical procedures like that.  All medical procedures have risks and side effects.

I don't think we should make laws about this kind of thing.  Isn't the government in our bodies and daily lives enough already?

She made her bed, and sadly the bed for her child.  She chose to have sex, then chose to hide the child.  Maybe he would have felt different if it wasn't sprung up on him like that?  Maybe had he been allowed a relationship with the child he'd feel more attached.  Or at least believe he was the Dad!

Honestly, if DH got a call like that, our first thought would be "Is it true this child is his?  They are desperate for this donation, but I have heard NOTHING of this child!"  It' enough of a shock to find out you are a parent after so long, then to be asked to undergo a painful and sometimes complicated medical procedure in the hopes of saving said child's life...it's a lot to take in.

I guess what my opinion boils down to is this:

I have zero doubts my kidneys, liver, bone marrow, etc are a match to SOMEBODY on the lists.  But due to my life and what I need, I'm not going to just go donating those things around.  If I die, sure, take all you can!

To him, this child is just that: another sick child.  There is SO MUCH MORE to being a parent than DNA.  He never got to have a child, he donated sperm and is now told there is a sick, dying stranger out there who needs his marrow.  He could walk into any children's hospital and see kids dying, and have the same connection with them he would have with this other child that is supposedly his.  (Keep in mind, he probably has doubts about that!  Unless a test was run.)  On the one hand, we want to do all we can for dying children.  On the other, most of us still have both our kidneys, our livers, and at most donate blood to blood banks or toys to hospitals.

Try to flip this around.  Say your DH gets an email from an old HS girlfriend.  She shows him pics of a lovely child, and mentions the child is dying and is in dire need of an organ or donation.  She expects him to just hand over his kidney, liver, or bone marrow.  And it has to be quick, so he'll basically be taking a month off work on zero notice.  And he has to travel to the donation site and pay any copays or bills with it.  Then he has to recover.  And if he can't make ALL these things work on such short notice...

The police come, dope him up, and remove what is wanted/needed for the child, and he's just left with this huge mess, possibly fines or penalties for NOT agreeing and jsut doing it at the drop of the hat because it was mandated by law.

And the real kicker would be the cases where it was found it wasn't really his child, he was just a match.  Or when the donating parent dies or suffers severe complications, leaving their other children and family stranded.

marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:16 PM
No he shouldn't be forced. It's fucked up that he won't but it's his choice
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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I can see what you're saying, I really can. But if dh's ex told him that she had his child (It was proven) and that child needed x, y, or z or they were going to die, of course I'd want him to do it!

Yes he has no connection to the kid but it is his child and he's their last chance. I couldn't live with the gullit if that baby died because he didn't want to be inconvenienced.

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I voted no.

Is it messed up?  Yes.  But I dread the day when we are FORCED into medical procedures like that.  All medical procedures have risks and side effects.

I don't think we should make laws about this kind of thing.  Isn't the government in our bodies and daily lives enough already?

She made her bed, and sadly the bed for her child.  She chose to have sex, then chose to hide the child.  Maybe he would have felt different if it wasn't sprung up on him like that?  Maybe had he been allowed a relationship with the child he'd feel more attached.  Or at least believe he was the Dad!

Honestly, if DH got a call like that, our first thought would be "Is it true this child is his?  They are desperate for this donation, but I have heard NOTHING of this child!"  It' enough of a shock to find out you are a parent after so long, then to be asked to undergo a painful and sometimes complicated medical procedure in the hopes of saving said child's life...it's a lot to take in.

I guess what my opinion boils down to is this:

I have zero doubts my kidneys, liver, bone marrow, etc are a match to SOMEBODY on the lists.  But due to my life and what I need, I'm not going to just go donating those things around.  If I die, sure, take all you can!

To him, this child is just that: another sick child.  There is SO MUCH MORE to being a parent than DNA.  He never got to have a child, he donated sperm and is now told there is a sick, dying stranger out there who needs his marrow.  He could walk into any children's hospital and see kids dying, and have the same connection with them he would have with this other child that is supposedly his.  (Keep in mind, he probably has doubts about that!  Unless a test was run.)  On the one hand, we want to do all we can for dying children.  On the other, most of us still have both our kidneys, our livers, and at most donate blood to blood banks or toys to hospitals.

Try to flip this around.  Say your DH gets an email from an old HS girlfriend.  She shows him pics of a lovely child, and mentions the child is dying and is in dire need of an organ or donation.  She expects him to just hand over his kidney, liver, or bone marrow.  And it has to be quick, so he'll basically be taking a month off work on zero notice.  And he has to travel to the donation site and pay any copays or bills with it.  Then he has to recover.  And if he can't make ALL these things work on such short notice...

The police come, dope him up, and remove what is wanted/needed for the child, and he's just left with this huge mess, possibly fines or penalties for NOT agreeing and jsut doing it at the drop of the hat because it was mandated by law.

And the real kicker would be the cases where it was found it wasn't really his child, he was just a match.  Or when the donating parent dies or suffers severe complications, leaving their other children and family stranded.


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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:05 PM
4 moms liked this

What about black mailed? She can get him for statutory rape (remember she was a 16yo student and he was a teacher. That plus 11 years of back child support, would quite a dent in his wallet.

Quoting marchantmom06:


No he shouldn't be forced. It's fucked up that he won't but it's his choice


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shyone_91786
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:10 PM
2 moms liked this

No I think that it is the dad choise but it was wrong of the girl to keep the baby a secret and then come to him and beg him to donate she needs to find someone else and how did the step dad find out about the bio dad anyways the bio dad would had to have done some blood work and all that is confidential the bio dad could sue.

The_Doodle
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:11 PM

No. No one should ever be legally forced into a major surgery.

paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:15 PM

So what did you vote?

Quoting The_Doodle:

No. No one should ever be legally forced into a major surgery.


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The_Doodle
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:17 PM


"No, it's messed up but it's his choice."

Quoting paganbaby:

So what did you vote?

Quoting The_Doodle:

No. No one should ever be legally forced into a major surgery.




justahousewife
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:17 PM
She didn't find him worthy of dad status until he could save the kids life. It's his choice. If she had made him aware of his child from the beginning I would say he should feel obligated but after 11yrs and her only reason for contacting him is medical?

Even the back cs and statutory charges should be dismissed after that amount of time.
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