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Is it wrong to force a parent to save their child's life?

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Poll

Question: Should the dad be legally compelled to donate bone marrow and save his sons life?

Options:

Yes. A parent should never allow their child to die if they can prevent it.

No, it's messed up but it's his choice.

He shouldn't be forced but I think some black mail could be in order.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 49

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This is based off a show I saw.

A girl (16) had an affair with her teacher in high school. She became pregnant (the father never knew) and dropped out. 12 years later she's married and her son is 11. He was diagnosed with lukeimia and has been on a transplant list for over a year. All of the family has been tested and no one is a match. Her husband (step dad) works in the hospital and found out that bio dad is a match. Out of desperation she contacts him, tells him about his son and begs him to donate. Her child has a month, tops, to live. He refuses.


by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:51 PM
Replies (11-20):
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:19 PM

Oh, okay.

Quoting The_Doodle:


"No, it's messed up but it's his choice."

Quoting paganbaby:

So what did you vote?

Quoting The_Doodle:

No. No one should ever be legally forced into a major surgery.





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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:23 PM

She was his 16 year old student. He was a teacher. I think maybe she didn't tell him so he wouldn't get in trouble. I don't know.

But either way, she begged on her knees for him to please not let her child die. He still refused. He had a wife and good job. He didn't want to jeperdise any of that if it came out that he had an affair with his student years ago.

Quoting justahousewife:

She didn't find him worthy of dad status until he could save the kids life. It's his choice. If she had made him aware of his child from the beginning I would say he should feel obligated but after 11yrs and her only reason for contacting him is medical?

Even the back cs and statutory charges should be dismissed after that amount of time.


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LizzieAnnesMom
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:23 PM
1 mom liked this
No. No one should be forced to undergo a medical procedure. What she should do is go after him for 11 years of cs and threaten to press charges and hope he doesnt look up,the statute of limitations in his state.
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paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:29 PM

To compel him into giving the marrow? Or just because?

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

No. No one should be forced to undergo a medical procedure. What she should do is go after him for 11 years of cs and threaten to press charges and hope he doesnt look up,the statute of limitations in his state.


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justahousewife
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:32 PM
Yea but 11 years? She would be an adult for 6 of those years. Even if her silence was in good intention she can't really expect a warm welcome from him. I personally can't imagine not helping my child but I can see how 11 years could make a person think otherwise.

Idk. It's a tough situation.


Quoting paganbaby:

She was his 16 year old student. He was a teacher. I think maybe she didn't tell him so he wouldn't get in trouble. I don't know.

But either way, she begged on her knees for him to please not let her child die. He still refused. He had a wife and good job. He didn't want to jeperdise any of that if it came out that he had an affair with his student years ago.

Quoting justahousewife:

She didn't find him worthy of dad status until he could save the kids life. It's his choice. If she had made him aware of his child from the beginning I would say he should feel obligated but after 11yrs and her only reason for contacting him is medical?



Even the back cs and statutory charges should be dismissed after that amount of time.



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LizzieAnnesMom
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:32 PM
Just because, and if he gives up the marrow, well thats a bonus.

Quoting paganbaby:

To compel him into giving the marrow? Or just because?

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

No. No one should be forced to undergo a medical procedure. What she should do is go after him for 11 years of cs and threaten to press charges and hope he doesnt look up,the statute of limitations in his state.


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motherslove82
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:33 PM
I don't think anyone should be forced into surgery. I also think it's pretty crappy that she didn't bother to let him know he had a child until he was neede to save the child's life. It's sad, but it's her fault that he doesn't have the connection with the child that might have compelled him to save the child's life.

I think the man is obviously not a very high caliber human being (first sleeping with a student and then refusing to save his son), but it's his choice. I might try blackmail if I were her, but I doubt if she'd get very far.
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Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:06 PM


I'm glad you'd want DH to do the right thing.  But it is about choice.  Once you start forcing these issues it becomes ever easier for that "sci-fi" idea of organ harvesting to become a reality.  For healthy people to be forced to give up parts of their bodies to "benefit the whole."  Once you start forcing, we all start losing rights.

Quoting paganbaby:

I can see what you're saying, I really can. But if dh's ex told him that she had his child (It was proven) and that child needed x, y, or z or they were going to die, of course I'd want him to do it!

Yes he has no connection to the kid but it is his child and he's their last chance. I couldn't live with the gullit if that baby died because he didn't want to be inconvenienced.

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I voted no.

Is it messed up?  Yes.  But I dread the day when we are FORCED into medical procedures like that.  All medical procedures have risks and side effects.

I don't think we should make laws about this kind of thing.  Isn't the government in our bodies and daily lives enough already?

She made her bed, and sadly the bed for her child.  She chose to have sex, then chose to hide the child.  Maybe he would have felt different if it wasn't sprung up on him like that?  Maybe had he been allowed a relationship with the child he'd feel more attached.  Or at least believe he was the Dad!

Honestly, if DH got a call like that, our first thought would be "Is it true this child is his?  They are desperate for this donation, but I have heard NOTHING of this child!"  It' enough of a shock to find out you are a parent after so long, then to be asked to undergo a painful and sometimes complicated medical procedure in the hopes of saving said child's life...it's a lot to take in.

I guess what my opinion boils down to is this:

I have zero doubts my kidneys, liver, bone marrow, etc are a match to SOMEBODY on the lists.  But due to my life and what I need, I'm not going to just go donating those things around.  If I die, sure, take all you can!

To him, this child is just that: another sick child.  There is SO MUCH MORE to being a parent than DNA.  He never got to have a child, he donated sperm and is now told there is a sick, dying stranger out there who needs his marrow.  He could walk into any children's hospital and see kids dying, and have the same connection with them he would have with this other child that is supposedly his.  (Keep in mind, he probably has doubts about that!  Unless a test was run.)  On the one hand, we want to do all we can for dying children.  On the other, most of us still have both our kidneys, our livers, and at most donate blood to blood banks or toys to hospitals.

Try to flip this around.  Say your DH gets an email from an old HS girlfriend.  She shows him pics of a lovely child, and mentions the child is dying and is in dire need of an organ or donation.  She expects him to just hand over his kidney, liver, or bone marrow.  And it has to be quick, so he'll basically be taking a month off work on zero notice.  And he has to travel to the donation site and pay any copays or bills with it.  Then he has to recover.  And if he can't make ALL these things work on such short notice...

The police come, dope him up, and remove what is wanted/needed for the child, and he's just left with this huge mess, possibly fines or penalties for NOT agreeing and jsut doing it at the drop of the hat because it was mandated by law.

And the real kicker would be the cases where it was found it wasn't really his child, he was just a match.  Or when the donating parent dies or suffers severe complications, leaving their other children and family stranded.




paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:12 PM

Well if he doesn't it's not like she's going to get support for long. Or can you get support after the child is dead?

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Just because, and if he gives up the marrow, well thats a bonus.

Quoting paganbaby:

To compel him into giving the marrow? Or just because?

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

No. No one should be forced to undergo a medical procedure. What she should do is go after him for 11 years of cs and threaten to press charges and hope he doesnt look up,the statute of limitations in his state.



Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:19 PM
Yeah she could always be a twat and be vindictive for a choice she made? If she went 11 years without wanting money and support from him then she should keep it that way. He doesn't want to help, because for one her probably doesn't believe her, I can't blame him, and for another because he is probably in shock. Hey dude you have a kid!!! He's dying!!! We need you to undergo a very very painful procedure to save his life. No wonder he said no.


Quoting paganbaby:

What about black mailed? She can get him for statutory rape (remember she was a 16yo student and he was a teacher. That plus 11 years of back child support, would quite a dent in his wallet.

Quoting marchantmom06:


No he shouldn't be forced. It's fucked up that he won't but it's his choice



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